“The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.” IfsHumorFunnyJobsHouseProgramDriversDesirableYou Might Be A Redneck IfBeer DrinkingBeer DrinkersWrong Job Author:Jeff Foxworthy
“Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.” InspirationalHumorMotivationalJobsWorkPleasureMorningTeacherPositiveHard WorkSmartGardenPerfectionExcellenceAncientProductivityEnthusiasmGreat WorkMy PassionEffectivenessInsperationalWise Man Once SaidLoving LifePerfectionistGreat JobAncient GreekGreek PhilosopherMotivational WorkGreat PassionWork EnvironmentBest PerformancePassion And SuccessMotivational JobWork RelatedHard Work Comes SuccessInspired To WorkPerfection And ImperfectionInspirational Hard WorkFinding Your PassionPassion For WorkFamous Hard WorkingOffice WorkPositive WorkOffice JobsJob Satisfaction Author:Aristotle
“I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.” IfsMenWantHumorTruthFunnyJobsWorkBusinessCostTell Me The Truth Author:Samuel Goldwyn
“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to a job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.” NeedsStillsHumorJobsOrderHousePayCarNormalClothesEmptyDrivingTrafficGetting Dressed Author:Ellen Goodman
“I have good kids, I love my kids. I try to bring them up the right way, not spanking them. I find that I don't have to spank them. I find that waving the gun around pretty much gets the same job done!” WayTryingDoneHumorKidsFunnyJobsGunRight WaySpankingI Love My KidsLove My Kids Author:Denis Leary
“I would like to go fishing and catch a fish stick. That would be convenient. I could easily get a job at Mrs. Paul's.” HumorWould BeFunnyJobsSticksFishesFishingConvenient Author:Mitch Hedberg
“I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er".” WantDoeHumorSeemsFunnyJobsEasyAddKitchenRefrigeratorsAppliancesToastersBlenders Author:Mitch Hedberg
“If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.” IfsThinkingMenHumorMightFunnyJobsTheoryDatingSurpriseButterflyNastyPsychiatristNew JobCocoonsMr Right Author:Rita Rudner
“This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.” ReasonHumorFunnyJobsDrinkGrateful Author:W. C. Fields
“Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.” HumorFunnyJobsDoorsSelling Author:Bill Bailey
“Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, "Gday Gday how you doing no worries next".” WorldHumorFunnyJobsCoursesNextWorryAustralianPsychiatristNo Worries Author:Milton Jones
“I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying "I don't want to bore you with the details".” WantHumorFunnyJobsLostDetailsBoresCricketCommentatorsBores You Author:Milton Jones
“The pollen count, now that's a difficult job. Especially if you've got hay fever.” IfsHumorFunnyJobsDifficultFeverHayPollenHay Fever Author:Milton Jones
“The worst job I ever had was as a forensicologist for the United Nations. One time I thought I'd come across the mass grave of a thousand snowmen, but it turns out it was just a field of carrots.” HumorFunnyJobsTurnsNationsUnitedWorstFieldsThousandMassGravesOne TimeUnited NationsCarrotsSnowman Author:Milton Jones
“They are not testing comics for drugs. If our job is dependent on that, there would be three working comics in the country, and two of them would have puppets.” IfsTwoCountryHumorWould BeFunnyJobsThreeDrugDependentTestingPuppets Author:Marc Maron
“I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy 'Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?' He said 'I don't know'. I said 'I don't want your job'.” IfsKnowsWantDoeSaidBookHumorLightHappensFunnyJobsGuyTurnsReadingAsksLet MeSpeedThings HappenInterviewsTurn-onSpaceshipsSpeed Of LightJob InterviewHeadlights Author:Steven Wright