Best Minutes Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings Page 31

“Alexander Graham Bell's wife, who said to Alex on their wedding night, Your three minutes are up. Never got a dinner!”

Said Night Three Wife Minutes Dinner Bells Alex Wedding Night Graham Bell

“Nobody's good. I hate it. I truly hate it. I mean, there's a lot of guys doing stuff I admire, but stand-up-wise I feel very alone. I really miss Bill Hicks. I wish I could have put him on my show. And I really miss Sam Kinison a lot. Richard Pryor's sick... It's like you get here and then, oh wait a minute, there's nobody here any more. I feel like the guy who finally got into Studio 54, three years too late, Duh, where are all the famous people?”

People Feels Years Mean Shows Guy Hate Three Wish Stuff Waiting Wise Minutes Missing Like You Late Sick I Hate Bills Studios Admire Too Late Three Years Duh Hicks Studio 54

Author:Chris Rock

“In just a few minutes, my son will have completed his first trip around the sun.”

Firsts Sun Minutes Son My Son

Author:David Letterman

“Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg.”

Years Lasts Term Minutes Percent Vote Seven Candidates Frank Saddam Congratulations Hussein Seven Years Last Minute

Author:David Letterman

“I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.”

People Knows Trying Enough Helping Would Be Running Guy Minutes Cry Gym Packs Good Work Workout Listening To Music That Guy Yelling Treadmills Good Workout Packs Of Wolves

Author:Demetri Martin

“At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.”

Four Minutes Ponchos

Author:Demetri Martin

“I call it 'new forms'. When you're starting out, they ask you to do four or five minute sets, but once you're a headliner, you do like 90 minutes. I try to think of different things to divvy up the show, like doing drawings, playing music... I gotta carry the show, that's the problem.”

Thinking Trying Different Shows Problem Form Asks Five Four Minutes Starting Drawing Different Things Five Minutes Playing Music Starting Out

Author:Demetri Martin

“I'm still suffering from shock from the last war. I was almost drafted! Luckily I was wounded while taking the physical. When I reached the psychiatrist, I said, Give me a gun, I'll wipe out the whole German Army in five minutes. He said, You're crazy! I said, Write it down!”

Giving Writing Said Stills War Whole Lasts Suffering Five Crazy Minutes Gun Give Me Army Shock Wounded Five Minutes Wipe Psychiatrist

Author:Jackie Mason

“With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.”

Men Way Home Three Minutes Car Respect Old Man Hunting Tied Deer No Respect Way Home Head Start

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“Models talk to you for six minutes and they're very nice and they say thank you and then it's off to the larger European men they actually have sex with.”

Men Sex Nice Minutes Six Models Very Nice Saying Thank You

Author:Jon Stewart

“I can go from blokey to girlie in 15 minutes and then I'm out the door. But that's the fastest I can do it. Becoming a woman takes work.”

I Can Can Do Doors Minutes Becoming I Can Do It Becoming A Woman

Author:Eddie Izzard

“In my head I think, There is a beautiful picture here and by God, short of murder, I'm going to get it. So shut up and hold still! But what I say is: You look wonderful. It'll just take a minute. It's marvelous. We're doing something very special.”

Thinking Looks Stills Beautiful Wonderful Minutes Special Murder Shut Up Marvelous Beautiful Picture

Book:Pictures under discussion

Source: Pictures under discussion

“The fact is that the camera is literal if anything, which gives it something in common with a thermometer... Often the tension that exists between the pictorial content of a photograph and its record of reality is the picture's true beauty. There is sleight of hand in photography... you make the viewer think he's seeing everything while at the same time you make him realize he's not. I try to make my pictures seem reasonable and then, at the last minute, pull the rug from beneath the viewer's feet, very gently so there's a little thrill.”

“What is eternity? You're on the checkout line at a supermarket. There are seven people in front of you. They are all old. They all have two carts and coupons for every item. They are all paying by check. None of them have ID. It's the checkout girl's first day on the job. She doesn't speak any English. Take away fifteen minutes from that, and you begin to get an idea of what eternity is.”

People Firsts Two Ideas Jobs Girl Speak Lines Minutes Fronts Eternity Seven Checks Fifteen Items Supermarkets Carts Checkouts

Author:Emo Philips

“I was brought up Catholic. My mom brought us to mass every Sunday - short for 'massive head trauma' that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can't sit still for anything that's boring.”

Years Littles Stills Mother Minutes Mom Mass Catholic Boring My Mom Trauma Nine Sunday Massive Nine Years Punching

Author:Richard Jeni

“If you spend five minutes with me or watch me try to balance my checkbook, you can only imagine the disaster I would make of anyone's legal issues.”

Ifs Trying Watches Issues Five Imagine Minutes Balance Disaster Five Minutes Watch Me

Author:Greg Giraldo

“I'm always giving myself the Alzheimer's test. My shrink told me to do this. It takes one minute. You name every word that comes to mind that begins with the letter F.”

Giving Mind Names Minutes Letters Tests Shrinks One Minute Alzheimer Alzheimer's

Author:Ray Romano

“Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar?”

People Thinking Knows Giving Years Guy Next President Talking Minutes Ought Kings Dollars Phones Cells Forty Deep Down Cell Phone Larry Waiter One Minute Deceptive

Author:Don Rickles

“Starting to drink now in preparation for New Years. No more last minute stuff like Christmas.”

Years Lasts Stuff Minutes Drink Starting Preparation New Year Last Minute

Author:Albert Brooks

“Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.”

People Knows Interesting Minutes Clubs

Author:Dane Cook

“You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.”

Ifs House Break Wife Minutes Shots My Wife Thirty

Author:Jeff Foxworthy

“They took 3-D digital photographs of my entire body. I had to pose stark naked, assuming a kind of Spider-Man position. After a minute, one of the technicians pointed to my genitals and said, Um, we're not getting enough data there ... It wasn't what you think. It turns out that the fancy digital camera doesn't pick up dark areas too well, and they were having trouble because of the hair down there. I actually had to spray on this highlighter stuff. (On having digital photos taken for the invisible man role in the film Hollow Man)”

“Please find out what you can do to make a difference. Take five minutes to educate yourself on an issue you didn't know about before. Then tell somebody else.”

Knows Action Can Do Differences Issues Five Minutes Please Solutions Making A Difference Educate Five Minutes

Author:Matt Damon

“Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.”

Ifs Firsts Sometimes Hard Minutes Couple Jokes

Author:Dave Attell

“There are plans for a new high-speed train between Los Angeles and San Francisco. It will make the trip time 30 minutes. People in L.A. are like, Yes! And people in San Francisco are like, Yeah, sure, great. We look forward to seeing you.”

People Looks Plans Seeing Minutes Yeah Train Speed Los Angeles San Francisco High Speed

Author:Craig Ferguson

“The virus in the movie 'Contagion' is based on the bird flu which came out of nowhere back in 2008. Everyone thought it was going to change the way we live and it just faded away. Wait a minute, I'm talking about President Obama.”

Way Waiting President Talking Minutes Bird President Obama Viruses Flu Faded Contagion Bird Flu

Author:Craig Ferguson

“According to Life & Style Weekly, 50 Cent may be working on Lindsay Lohan's next album. Finally, a match made in rap heaven. He's a convicted drug dealer who's been shot nine times, and she spent 84 minutes in prison. This is a big step for Lindsay. The last time Lindsay got near a black guy she ran over his foot.”

May Made Bigs Lasts Guy Next Heaven Black Steps Feet Minutes Style Drug Shots Prison Albums Rap Nine Ran Cents Last Time Dealer Drug Dealers Black Guys

Author:Chelsea Handler

“The Bernie Mac Show' is my life. It's the truth, and I'm not ashamed of a minute, an hour, or a second of my life.”

Shows Hours Minutes Ashamed Macs

Author:Bernie Mac

“I am so happy, each and every day that I come to set. Some days, I'll be there 12 hours, and it feels like five minutes have gone by.”

Feels Hours Gone Five Minutes Five Minutes

Author:Fiona Gubelmann

“After the Ankara bombings on October 10, people were asked to hold a minute of silence, but many refused. Our society can't even unite in grief to honor the victims. We've lost our empathy. That's maybe the worst.”

People Lost Grief Silence Minutes Worst Honor Empathy Victim Our Society October Bombing Ankara

Author:Elif Safak

“One of the great things about film is that, typically anything that's introduced in the first five minutes, the audiences will by into.”

Firsts Film Audience Five Minutes Great Things Five Minutes

Author:William Mapother

“The minute you try to do something that is not true to you, is not something that you really know about, and is not a lifestyle or world that you live in or can relate to, it's going to come off as false.”

Knows World Trying Minutes Lifestyle Relate

Author:Eric Balfour

“Classical music fulfills for me the function of narrative. I spend 90 minutes a day listening to symphonic music - Beethoven to Bartók - some chamber pieces, and that's my enrichment.”

Pieces Minutes Listening Function Narrative Chamber Classical Music Enrichment

Author:James Ellroy

“I remember the first day I got there, they started the take and after four takes I was on the ground, on my back, with a banana and a Twizzler in my hand, and my face was green, and they said, "You can't get back on set for another 30 minutes." That was a, "Welcome to Atlanta," and that put everything in perspective.”

Firsts Said Hands Remember Faces Four Minutes Perspective Green Welcome Get Back They Said Bananas Atlanta

Author:Steven Yeun

“My own idea about 3D is that it is there to enhance the viewing experience but I don't think that you have to use it in a tricky way, I think that the minute you sacrifice story and character for something coming out of the screen, I think you've lost it.”

Thinking Way Ideas Character Stories Use Lost My Own Sacrifice Minutes Screens Coming Out Tricky

Author:David Yates

“The sexual act - thinking about the sexual act, the telling about the sexual act, after the sexual act, is so much more important than the actual sexual act - just in time. It's like of the whole sexual act, you probably spend 95% of the time thinking about it, talking about it afterwards. The actually sexual act, especially when you're 17, is minutes.”

Thinking Important Whole Talking Minutes

Author:Will Gluck

“What happened with Final Destination was that the movie was in post-production for a long time and I think they changed a lot of the deaths, so a lot of those things were last-minute additions. Everything we shot is in the movie and it's all been designed. We didn't change anything. It's been a year of making those things happen, exactly as we had pictured them.”

Thinking Years Long Happens Lasts Happened Minutes Changed Long Time Shots Finals Productions Things Happen Posts Destination Last Minute Final Destination Post Production

Author:Paul W. S. Anderson

“In general, in America, every discourse in literature in 15 minutes degenerates into a conversation about ethics, morality and this and that. The Holocaust and the consequences of it. Well, I find it terribly boring, predictable and unimportant, because what matters about literature is esthetic achievement.”

Wells Matter America Literature Minutes Morality Conversation Achievement Ethics Consequence Boring Holocaust What Matters Discourse Predictable Unimportant Degenerates

Author:Joseph Brodsky

“It's funny, because it's like the fight when you watch it, it's probably going to be like five minutes, but it's taken us like a month to shoot it so I think what was really interesting was that instead of going through an entire fight sequence, you're doing one or two moves over and over and over, so I'd say it's less exhausting than actually training, because you're not really constantly going over the choreography, like the whole entire thing with everybody. You're just doing that one part that they need in the shot.”

Thinking Needs Two Whole Moving Fighting Interesting Watches Taken Five Minutes Months Training Shots Five Minutes Sequence Really Interesting Exhausting Choreography

Author:Ellen Wong

“We have just had the most amazing time. Every now and then, we'll come across a review where the person didn't like it and we're like, "What? Really? How could you not like it?" All of us like it so much, and we have such a great time at work. We've just been really blessed, and we're all standing here going, "Wait a minute, how did this happen?" It's been awesome.”

Persons Happens Waiting Minutes Standing Blessed Reviews Now And Then Great Times Most Amazing

Author:Angie Harmon

“Like everyone is either, "I grew up with it," or "I loved it," or loved them now. And when you watch The Muppet Movie now, it is so current. It's like The Simpsons before The Simpsons. It's not as cynical as The Simpsons would be but it's self-aware and there are a billion jokes, it breaks the fourth wall every five minutes, it's astounding, it's awesome. It's very exciting to be a part of that.”

Self Would Be Watches Break Five Minutes Wall Grew Grew Up Jokes Exciting Currents Billions Cynical Fourth Five Minutes Muppet

Author:Nicholas Stoller

“We do want the freedom to move scenes from episode to episode to episode. And we do want the freedom to move writing from episode to episode to episode, because as it starts to come in and as you start to look at it as a five-hour movie just like you would in a two-hour movie, move a scene from the first 30 minutes to maybe 50 minutes in. In a streaming series, you would now be in a different episode. It's so complicated, and we're so still using the rules that were built for episodic television that we're really trying to figure it out.”

Want Writing Trying Firsts Looks Stills Two Different Moving Hours Five Minutes Figures Television Like You Scene Built Series Complicated Episodes Streaming

Author:Jill Soloway

“I didn't really because I know myself well enough to know that if I actually sit down and think about sort of I can spook myself out like anyone, you know? It's sort of like you've got to sort of jump out of the airplane when you're skydiving. If you spend 20 minutes sitting on the lip you probably won't do it.”

Ifs Thinking Knows Wells I Can Enough Minutes Like You Sitting Down And Lips Airplane Skydiving

Author:Justin Theroux

“I'm the kind of person where you're never done, you just keep perfecting and perfecting and perfecting, or trying to fix things that drive you crazy. Often times when you watch a film, "if I could just get through this minute, I'll be fine." So I think I'm just hard on myself.”

Ifs Thinking Trying Kind Persons Hard Done Film Watches Crazy Minutes Fine If I Could

Author:Cary Fukunaga

“The very funny thing about "Like A Rolling Stone" is it was a six minute song, there was no music to read from. And there I was playing this unfamiliar instrument. So I would come in on the upbeat of one. I would wait until the band played the chord, and then as quickly as I could come in play the chord.”

Play Song Waiting Minutes Band Six Stones Instruments Rolling Chords Funny Things Unfamiliar Rolling Stones Upbeat

Author:Al Kooper

“Part of me also knows that this generation is the least racist and most pro-gay, so that's great. But they have a real lack of gravitas. And they have no taste in music. Vampire Weekend? Can we play some music, please? Can we rock out for a minute? Where's your Metallica?”

Knows Real Play Generations Minutes Rocks Please Taste Gay Vampire Racist Weekend This Generation Metallica Taste In Music Gravitas Pro Gay

Author:Greg Behrendt

“Actually, with those dirty movies, I find like, they're good for about fifteen, twenty minutes. I'm really interested. And, then, uh, there's one point, that all of a sudden I'm bored. You know? I just lose interest completely and I feel deeply ashamed.”

Knows Feels Interest Loses Minutes Twenties Bored Dirty Ashamed Fifteen Dirty Movie

Author:Norm MacDonald

“Oil is sixty dollars a barrel. There are terrorists everywhere. We have a catastrophe in our world every ten minutes. I don't know how anybody's getting through anything. Right now, people just need to be entertained.”

People Knows World Needs Know How Minutes Right Now Ten Dollars Oil Terrorist Our World Sixty Catastrophe Barrels

Author:Bob Saget

“You don't gossip while your man is driving. You sit there quietly until you're about 5 minutes from your destination then you say, would you like some road head?”

Men Minutes Driving Destination Gossip

Author:Daniel Tosh

“I always wondered if those WWJD bracelets worked, so I bought one the other day. Well, a few minutes later, I was on a plane and this little kid was kicking my seat repeatedly, while his sister sang along with her walkman and their mother just sat there. I almost turned around and went off, and then I caught sight of my bracelet. What would Jesus do? So I lit them on fire and sent them all to Hell.”

Ifs Wells Littles Kids Mother Jesus Hell Fire Minutes Sight Caught Planes Sat Seats Lit Little Kid Kicking Bracelet

Author:Daniel Tosh

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