Best Said Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings Page 34

“Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, 'But just for Lent. We'll start again on Monday.'”

Giving Trying Said Giving Up Weapons Nuclear Iran Awkward Nuclear Weapons Monday

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new survey, almost half of the voters in Ohio, Florida, and Pennsylvania say that they do not trust Hillary Clinton. Republicans immediately got together and said, 'OK, this is a huge opportunity for us. How are we going to screw it up?'”

Said Together Opportunity Half Huge Republican Clinton Voters Florida Screws Surveys Ohio Pennsylvania

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama has reduced the sentences of 22 federal prisoners who were arrested for drug-related crimes - eight of whom were serving life sentences. It marks the first time someone has said 'Thanks Obama' but actually meant it.”

Firsts Said President Crime Drug First Time Mark Eight Sentences Thanks Related Serving Prisoner President Obama Arrested

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“The White House announced that President Obama will attend a summit in Kenya this July. When asked if he's ever been to Kenya, Obama said, 'Of course. I was born - no, bored - over there. There's nothing to do in Kenya.'”

Ifs Said Courses House President Born White Bored White House President Obama Summit July Kenya

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday, the White House confirmed that President Obama will meet with Pope Francis during his visit in September. Some experts are wondering if they'll discuss their disagreement over contraception. Then Joe Biden said, 'I didn't even know they were dating.'”

Ifs Knows Said House President White Wonder Dating Yesterday Experts White House President Obama September Pope Disagreement Contraception Biden

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama recently sat down with ESPN and said the NCAA should reduce the shot clock for basketball games. Then he said, 'And while we're at it, is there any way they can reduce the 'being president clock?'”

Way Should Said Games President Basketball Shots Clock Sat President Obama Basketball Game Ncaa Espn

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Hillary Clinton was actually inducted into the Irish American Hall of Fame yesterday. Hillary said she's very proud of her Irish heritage or her Italian heritage or her Asian heritage. Whatever it takes to seal the deal with you guys. I've got to get into that Oval Office.”

Said Guy Deals Proud Fame Office Clinton Yesterday Halls Italian Heritage Asian Seals Whatever It Takes Hall Of Fame Oval

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“During his weekly address to the nation, President Obama discussed higher education and said, 'The most important skill you can sell is your knowledge.' Or as English majors working at Starbucks put it, 'No it's not.'”

Said Important Nations President Higher Skills Majors Sells Addresses President Obama Higher Education Starbucks English Major

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Another scandal for Hillary Clinton - they're saying she used a private email address when she was secretary of state, which means the government couldn't archive and preserve her emails. Then Obama said, 'Don't worry, we saw them. We see everyone's emails.'”

Mean Said States Government Used Worry Saws Clinton Preserves Addresses Secretary Email Scandal Archives

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Joe Biden will speak to the nation's largest gay rights group during a human rights convention on Friday. Then on Saturday, he is scheduled to speak to them again to apologize for whatever he said in Friday's speech.”

Humans Said Speak Nations Rights Groups Gay Speech Human Rights Conventions Apologizing Saturday Friday Gay Rights Biden

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Hillary Clinton is receiving criticism after telling a crowd to 'unlock their full potential,' because that line is commonly used by another possible candidate, Carly Fiorina. People said, 'You can't just steal someone's slogan like that!' And Hillary said, 'Yes we can!'”

People Said Used Lines Criticism Clinton Crowds Stealing Candidates Receiving Slogans Full Potential Yes We Can

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“New Defense Secretary Ashton Carter said that he is open to letting transgender people serve in the military. He said there's no reason to prevent people from being generals just because of their privates.”

People Said Reason Military Defense No Reason Secretary Transgender Carter

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama said that if he could have any superpower, he'd want the ability to speak any language. That's so everyone in the world could tell him he picked one of the lamest possible superpowers.”

Ifs World Want Said Speak Language President Ability President Obama Superpower Ability To Speak

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Senator Rand Paul reflected on Mitt Romney's potential 2016 campaign and said, 'It's sort of what Einstein said, that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.' When someone told him Einstein didn't actually say that, he said, 'In the words of Gandhi, 'My bad.''”

Said Different Results Definitions Campaigns Insanity Senators Romney Definition Of Insanity

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Joe Biden went to Brazil in an effort to try and repair America's relationship with their government. Biden said, 'It's great to be here in the Amazon. I've always wanted to see where all the books come from.'”

Trying Said Book Government Wanted America Effort Amazon Brazil Biden

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“The U.S. is re-establishing relations with Cuba. But before President Obama can lift the embargo, it will need approval from the Republican-controlled Congress - or as Republicans who called Obama said, 'Close, but no cigar.'”

Needs Said President Republican Relation Congress Lifts Controlled President Obama Approval Cuba Cigar Embargo

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“In an interview, President Obama said he recently deejayed a small dance party at the White House. Obama has a lot in common with deejays. He takes requests and then completely ignores them.”

Said House President White Party Common Interviews White House President Obama Request Dance Party Deejays

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama recently said that his day is all about politics, so in the mornings he likes to watch ESPN. So if you get the feeling he's repeating himself every half hour, that's where he learned it from.”

Ifs Said Feelings President Hours Half Watches Morning Likes President Obama Half Hours Espn

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“During an interview, former President George W. Bush discussed his painting hobby and said, 'Never paint your wife or your mother.' Then he added, 'Because it's almost impossible to get the paint out of their hair.'”

Said Mother President Wife Impossible Painting Hair Paint Former Interviews Hobbies President George W Bush

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“This week Biden said that he will decide on a potential 2016 presidential campaign by the spring or the summer. Then he said, 'Whichever comes first.'”

Firsts Said Week Summer Spring Campaigns Presidential Biden Presidential Campaign

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Jeb Bush's brother Neil said that their mother has 'come around' to the idea of Jeb running for president in 2016. Because if there's anything that says you're qualified to be president, it's your own mom saying, 'I guess you could do it.'”

Ifs Said Ideas Running Mother President Brother Mom Qualified

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Vladimir Putin bribed a soccer official with a Picasso painting so he would support Russia's bid to host the 2018 World Cup. Putin was like, 'It wasn't Picasso, just picture of what his face would look like if he said no.' (Nose over here, eye up here, ear in forehead.)”

Ifs World Looks Said Eye Faces Support Painting Ears Russia Cups Soccer Noses Officials Host Putin Foreheads World Cup

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“The acting director of the Secret Service, Joseph Clancy, said they may make the fence around the White House taller because of the recent security failures. When asked if he had any other ideas, he said, 'Uh, make the sidewalk lower?'”

Ifs May Said Ideas House White Acting Secret Security Directors White House Fence Sidewalk Secret Service

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“The Senate came one vote short of granting approval to build the Keystone pipeline. Democrats say the pipeline could accelerate global warming. Then people who've been outside today said, 'Sounds good to me. Let's accelerate that global warming.'”

People Said Today Sound Vote Democrat Global Warming Senate Approval Accelerate Pipeline Keystones Keystone Pipeline

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“The pipeline would run from Canada to the Gulf Coast. It'll be the biggest underground structure leading into the U.S. Then people in Mexico said, 'Eh . . . second biggest.'”

People Said Running Structure Canada Mexico Coast Pipeline

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“This week Bill Clinton tweeted a photo of himself reading George W. Bush's new book '41.' Then George W. Bush responded to that post on Instagram. Then John McCain said 'You two are hilarious' by telegraph.”

Said Two Book Reading Week Bills Clinton Posts Instagram Mccain New Books Telegraph

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Both President Obama and former President George W. Bush were interviewed on 'Face the Nation' over the weekend. President Bush said there's a 50 percent chance his brother Jeb will run for president in 2016. Then he said, 'But there's an 80 percent chance he won't.'”

Said Running Faces Nations President Chance Brother Percent Former President Obama Weekend President Bush President George W Bush

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“It was the 60th anniversary of 'Face the Nation.' During his interview, President Obama said, 'Our country doesn't fear the future. We grab it.' Nothing says you grab the future like going on a 60-year-old show hosted by a 77-year-old-man to speak to a 90-year-old audience.”

Men Years Said Country Shows Faces Speak Nations President Audience Our Country Interviews Old Man President Obama

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Now that the midterm elections are over, President Obama has invited congressional leaders from both parties to a meeting at the White House tomorrow. When asked if he's nervous, Obama said, 'Oh, I'm not going to be there. I just invited them over. They can figure it out themselves.'”

Ifs Said House President White Party Leader Figures Tomorrow Election Meetings Nervous White House President Obama Invited Midterms Midterm Elections

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“After Michael Jordan recently criticized President Obama's golf game, Obama responded by saying that Jordan should spend more time thinking about his basketball team, the Charlotte Hornets. Then Jordan said, 'Do you really want to talk about whose team got crushed this week?'”

Thinking Want Should Said Games President Week Team Basketball Golf More Time President Obama Crushed Jordan Charlotte Basketball Team Golf Game Hornets

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Republican Scott Brown lost his bid for Senate in New Hampshire last night, two years after he was voted out as Senator in Massachusetts. When asked what he was planning to do next, he said, 'Are they still looking for a mayor in Toronto?'”

Years Said Stills Two Lasts Night Next Lost Republican Planning Brown Two Years Senate Senators Last Night Mayors Toronto Massachusetts Hampshire New Hampshire

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“Today is the midterm elections. The Washington Post is predicting that there's a 98 percent chance of the Republicans taking the Senate and The New York Times says there's a 75 percent chance. And CNN said, 'Wait, that's today?'”

Said Today Waiting Chance New York Republican Percent Election Posts Senate New York Times Cnn Predicting Midterms Midterm Elections

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“During a speech on Sunday, President Obama said to the crowd, 'We've got to vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote.' This went on for an hour until someone finally fixed his teleprompter.”

Said President Hours Speech Vote Crowds Fixed Sunday President Obama

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.”

Said Romance Language Sex Millions

Author:Stephen Colbert

“Today Prince William went to Washington, D.C., and he met with President Obama. He said, 'It feels weird being in the White House because I'm not an American.' And then Prince William said, 'Yeah, me too.'”

Feels Said Today House President White Mets Yeah White House President Obama

Author:Craig Ferguson

“Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.”

People Want Said Today Offers News Foxes Happy Endings Departure Brian Fox News

Author:Bill Maher

“Rand Paul and Chris Christie both said vaccinations should be a choice, not a government mandate. Because when have Republicans ever told people what they could do with their own bodies?”

People Should Said Body Government Choices Republican Old People Mandates Christie Vaccinations

Author:Bill Maher

“A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.”

People Ifs Knows World Said Saws Four Hundred Organization Makers Factories Rolling Visiting Cigar Stood Up Smokers Havana

Author:Groucho Marx

“Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution.”

Years Made Said Government Lasts Religious Taxes Difficulty Entertainment Income Made It Contribution Last Year Income Tax Analysts Deductions

Author:Woody Allen

“I stand by everything I've ever said, apologies included.”

Said Apology

Author:Fiona Apple

“You said I was weak. You said I couldn't do it. Thank you. You gave me everything I needed to prove you wrong.”

Said Needed Prove Weak

Author:Steve Prefontaine

“There is no meaningful yes unless the individual could also have said no.”

Said Individual Meaningful

Author:Rollo May

“Someone has said that it requires less mental effort to condemn than to think.”

Thinking Said Effort Forgiveness Independent Mental Health Independent Thought

Book:Anarchism: Top Crime Collections

Source: Anarchism: Top Crime Collections

“President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He said if it works there, he'll try it here.”

Ifs Trying Said Jobs President Election Iraq Infrastructure President Bush

Author:David Letterman

“Every rep I did on chin-ups, on squats with 500 pounds, I never said, to myself, 'Oh, my God, another rep.' I said, 'Yes, another rep, because that will make my dream turn into a reality.'”

Said Dream Reality Turns Pounds Chins

Author:Sylvester Stallone

“Republicans want to punish work and reward wealth; hence the high payroll tax and the low dividend tax. Said one Bush economic adviser, if we can't help wealthy investors and screw working people, what's the point in being a Republican?”

People Ifs Want Said Helping Wealth Economic Republican Taxes Lows Rewards Wealthy Investors Screws Adviser Dividends Payroll Payroll Tax

Author:Paul Begala

“I was quite intimidated by Ralph Fiennes. I didn't really talk to him while I was doing Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and the only thing I did with him was when he stepped on my head. Then I went to this play and he was there. And this girl said, “you've worked with Ralph Fiennes haven't you, Robert?” and I was like, “well, no...” and Ralph said, “yes, I stepped on your head.” And that was the extent of our conversation.”

Wells Said Play Girl Fire Havens Conversation Harry Potter Potters Intimidated This Girl

Author:Robert Pattinson

“My mom is very religious and she said, 'Whatever you think about all the time, that's what you worship.' If that's the case I'd like everyone to pop open their Diet Coke cans and turn to page 37 of their People Magazines. In this holy scripture, we read the parable of Ms. Valerie Bertinelli.”

People Ifs Thinking Said Turns Religious Cases Mom Holy Worship Pages My Mom Pops Scripture Magazines Diets Coke Parables Holy Scriptures Diet Coke

Author:Maria Bamford

“Life is sacred? Who said so, God? Hey, if you read history you'll realize that God is one of the leading causes of death...has been for thousands of years. Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Jews, all taking turns killing each other because God told them it was a good idea.”

Ifs Years Has Beens Said Ideas Christian Life Is Turns Causes Realizing Sacred Killing Jew Hey Good Ideas Killing Each Other Leading Causes

Author:George Carlin

“For, as I said a little way back, perfect souls are in no way repelled by trials, but rather desire them and pray for them and love them. They are like soldiers: the more wars there are, the better they are pleased, because they hope to emerge from them with the greater riches.”

Way Littles Said War Soul Desire Perfect Greater Praying And Love Soldier Riches Trials

Book:Complete Works St. Teresa Of Avila

Source: Complete Works St. Teresa Of Avila

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