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Darynda Jones

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Famous Darynda Jones Quotes

“My fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names.” I pointed to my right breast. “This is Danger.” Then my left. “And this is Will Robinson. I would appreciate it if you addressed them accordingly.” After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?” I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.”

IfsLongNamesLeftDangerAppreciateBreastsPausesBlinkOvaries
Book:First Grave on the Right
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“Before I tell you, I have to know three things," I said. "Okay." "One, are you sitting down?" "Yes." "Two, are you mentally stable?" "More than you'll ever be." Well, that was uncalled for. "And three, how do you spell schizophrenia?" "What does that have to do with anything?" "Nothing. I just wanted to see if you'd tell me.”

IfsKnowsWellsDoeSaidTwoWantedThreeSittingOkaySpellsStableThree ThingsSitting DownSchizophrenia
Book:Third Grave Dead Ahead
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“Every night in my dreams, a man appeared from the darkest recesses of my mind, as if he'd been waiting for me to fall asleep. His mouth, full, masculine, would sear my flesh. His tongue, like flames across my skin, would send tiny sparks quaking through my body. Then he would dip south, and the heavens would open and a chorus singing hallelujah would ring out in perfect harmony.”

IfsMenMindDreamBodyNightFallHeavenWaitingPerfectSingingMouthsSkinsHarmonySouthTongueFleshTinyRingsFlamesSparksEvery NightMasculineOf My MindChorusDipRecessHallelujahSearsPerfect Harmony
Book:First Grave on the Right
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“If Cameron kidnaps you, kills you, then buries your lifeless body in a shallow grave in the desert where your remains lay decomposing for several decades until they're accidentally discovered by some guy on a journey to awaken his spirit at the Salinas Pueblo Missions, can I have your iMac?" I gaped at her. "You've really thought this out. "I love your iMac." "I love my iMac too, and you're not getting her." "But you'll be decomposing.”

IfsBodySpiritGuyJourneyRemainsLaysMissionsDecadesGravesDesertShallowLifelessCameronImac
Author:Darynda Jones
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“"I've been thinking," Brooklyn said as I gawked at the god sitting next to me, "if you get all lovey-dovey and decide to elope to Las Vegas where Jared uses his powers to clean up at the poker tables and you guys buy a mansion in the Manzano Mountains with twenty-seven rooms and decide - because you're rich and all - to buy a new computer, can I have your iMac then?"... "Um, no, you're not getting my iMac." "Dang."”

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Author:Darynda Jones
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“Amber, you could never embarrass me." "Never?" she asked. "Never." "One time, I yelled across the store to Mom and asked her if she wanted the regular or the super-absorbent tampons. I added that, according to the box, the super-absorbent were for those heavy days. Then I asked her to rate her heaviness on a scale of one to ten." "Okay, you could." "Then while we were standing in line, I asked her why she was buying three boxes of Summer's Eve in the middle of winter." I set her at arm's length. "Wow." "I know, right? I had no idea a person could turn so red.”

IfsKnowsPersonsIdeasWantedTurnsThreeLinesMiddleArmsMomTenSummerRedStandingOkayRateWinterBoxesHeavyStoresScalesNo IdeaBuyingLengthOne TimeWowAmberHeavinessCharley DavidsonTamponsStanding In Line
Book:The Charley Davidson Series
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“I'll call if I break a leg or get eaten by a bear." "Play like a rock." "Now?" "No, if a bear starts eating you." I thought for a moment before replying. "Do they have screaming, sobbing rocks, 'cause that's probably what I'll be doing if a bear is gnawing my arm off." "It would be difficult to just lay there and be eaten alive, huh?" "Ya think?”

IfsThinkingPlayMomentsWould BeCausesDifficultBreakAliveRocksArmsBearsEatingLaysLegsSobbingReplyingBreak A Leg
Author:Darynda Jones
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“I shifted in my chair as Dad waited for a response. He seemed determined, his resolve unwavering. This would take tact. Prudence. Possibly Milk Duds. “Are you psychotic?” I asked, realizing my plan to charm and bribe him if need be flew out the window the minute I opened my mouth.”

IfsNeedsRealizingPlansMinutesDadMouthsWindowResponseDeterminedCharmChairsResolveMilkPrudenceFlewBribePsychoticTactUnwavering
Book:Third Grave Dead Ahead
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