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Jeremy Clarkson

Jeremy Clarkson Quotes

Broadcaster

Jeremy Clarkson, born on April 11, 1960, is a renowned British broadcaster. Known for his unique sense of humor and forthright speech, he was one of the hosts of the popular TV show 'Top Gear'.

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Famous Jeremy Clarkson Quotes

“Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.”

Disease Sexually Syphilis Top Gear Cool Cars Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“I mean its a weekly occurrence that somebody will complain that Top Gear was on last night - and you just sit back and wait for the complaints. But if you start to pay attention to everyones concerns, you end up with something bland and boring. So you sort of have to ignore everybody in order to do the show how we want to do it.”

Ifs Want Mean Ends Shows Lasts Night Order Waiting Pay Attention Concern Boring Complaining Pay Attention Complaints Last Night Gears Bland Top Gear

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you've got the Ebola virus and you're about to sneeze.”

People Party Dinner Viruses Dinner Party Ebola Top Gear Ebola Virus

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“When we went to Canada [with Top Gear], I was staggered about how many people got in touch ... Before we finish with The Grand Tour, we'll definitely be appearing in Canada at some point. Nothing is more certain than that.”

People Certain Canada Gears Appearing Top Gear

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.”

Love Car Becoming Killing Speed Racing Stillness Speeding Broadcasters Stationary Motor Racing Car Racing Auto Racing Top Gear Funny Racing Speed Limits Cool Cars

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“[on the BMW X3] If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion, here's your car.”

Ifs Thinking Mean Morning Car Wake Up Insane Onions Bmw Top Gear

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.”

Has Beens Ends Hard Use Film Faces Hours Half Car Adults British Core Hotel Working It Racing Editing Half Hours Race Car Blokes Hard Core Top Gear Cool Cars

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.”

Fun Force Air Car Factories Air Force Fireworks Top Gear

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what BEING STABBED?”

Comfortable Top Gear Cool Cars

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying “Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.””

People Disease Sexually Carrier Syphilis Top Gear Cool Cars Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?”

People Poor Bus Poor People Lanes Top Gear Cool Cars

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!”

Enough Shows Car Features Kicks Tonight Complaints Affordable Ferrari Top Gear

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom”

Sticks Bottom Pigs Top Gear Cool Cars

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.”

Bits Sleep Bed Sorry Driving I'm Sorry Couches Top Gear Cool Cars Aston Martin

Book:Driven to Distraction

Source: Driven to Distraction

“I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.”

Believe I Believe Animal Duty Agree Plates Supper Top Gear Supper Time

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sportscar in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.”

Way President Tonight Vipers Top Gear

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.”

Versions Ferrari Top Gear

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled. Usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.”

Found Car Built Customers Complaining Impression Factories Top Gear Olden Days

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.”

World May Six Top Gear

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.”

Mean Past Bears Top Gear

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.”

Used Air Sitting Used To Be Conditioning Straws Air Conditioning Top Gear Dashboards Cool Cars

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.”

Kind Ridiculous Lions Fierce Orange Top Gear Dungarees

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.”

Looks Suffering Insomnia Toyota Top Gear Cool Cars

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.”

Ifs House Series Leaving Reverse Select Bmw Backsides Top Gear

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”

World Turns Democracy Let Me Lectures Top Gear Traction

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

Thinking Heard Mad Top Gear

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.”

Happens Faster Witchcraft Top Gear Cool Cars

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.”

Light Would Be Range Beaten Diesel Top Gear Wheelbarrows Range Rover

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

Knows Night Woods Blink Top Gear Foraging Stig

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

Knows Understanding Taste Ears Clouds Delight Turkish Top Gear Stig

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, and that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

Knows Has Beens Faces Found Size Tattoo Dropping Top Gear Stig

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase, but this is like smearing honey onto Keira Knightley.”

Trying Driving Honey Cows Staircases Top Gear

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite”

Should Sex Avoided Wagons Top Gear Transvestites

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'”

Ifs Said I Can Amount Daughter Yeah Our Daughter Your Daughter Top Gear

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill and then run over him again for good measure. They are designed to melt ice caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands and turn the entire third world into a huge uninhabitable desert, all that before they nicked all the oil in the world.”

World Running Turns Water Poor Huge Thirds Tables Oil Ice Desert Islands Poison Layers Indigenous Caps Wildlife Third World Arthur Ozone Top Gear Ozone Layer Falklands

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“Change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in a day.”

Hard Jobs Effort Murder Mirrors Checks Offensive Gears Top Gear Changing Jobs

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

“The problem is that television executives have got it into their heads that if one presenter on a show is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed heterosexual boy, the other must be a black Muslim lesbian.”

Ifs Shows Problem Black Boys Television Blue Executives Blonde Top Gear Presenter Blue Eyed

Author:Jeremy Clarkson

About the Author

Born: April 11, 1960
Known for: Broadcaster
Quotes: 123

Related Topics

Top Gear Car Ifs Cool Cars People Knows Thinking Men World Mean Offensive Should Bits Ends Ideas Looks Oil Red Way Driving

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Books & Sources

The world according to ClarksonRelated source material

MotorworldRelated source material

And Another ThingRelated source material

Driven to DistractionRelated source material

How Hard Can It Be?: The World According to ClarksonRelated source material

Is It Really Too Much To Ask?Related source material

Round the bendRelated source material

The Complete World According to ClarksonRelated source material

The Grand Tour Guide to the WorldRelated source material

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