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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.”

People Life Funny Remember Names Mines Terrible Humorous Actresses Manners Introducing Olives Martini

Author:Tallulah Bankhead

“Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them.”

Long Age Funny Please Humorous Aging Actresses Birthday Wrinkles 60th Birthday Birthdays And Aging Funny Old Age Birthday Inspirational Birthday Wise Birthday Old Birthday Witty Birthday Funny Old Birthday Retouching

Author:Anna Magnani

“Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.”

Men Long Funny Answers Relationship Findings Humorous Men And Women Sexy Actresses Singers Comedian Somewhere Else Playwright Being Single Screenwriters Guessing Second Guessing

Book:The wit and wisdom of Mae West

Source: The wit and wisdom of Mae West

“I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.”

Action Humorous Witty Actresses Sarcastic Sassy Few Words

Book:The wit and wisdom of Mae West

Source: The wit and wisdom of Mae West

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”

People Want Life Inspirational Funny Friendship Love Is Money Break Positive Friends Heartbreak Humorous My Friends Dating Actresses What You Want Producers Broken Heart Bus Host Riding Romantic Love Real Friends Breaking Down My Best Friend True Friend True Friendship My Friendship Friends Forever Best Love Funny Life Your Best Friend People In Your Life About Friendship Famous Women Friendship Memories Lots Of Friends Best Friendship Cute Friendship Funny Friend Fake Friends Inspirational Friendship Great Friendship Female Friendship Funny Friendship Lasting Friendship Happy Friendship True Friend Is Real Friendship True Best Friend Beautiful Friendship Bff Hearts And Friends Friendship And Life Who Your Real Friends Are Being A Good Friend Loyal Friend Limos Wonderful Friendship Sweet Friendship Funny Best Friend Who Your Friends Are Cute Best Friend Special Friend True Friendship And Life Meaningful Friendship Sweet Friend Friendship Forever Funniest Friends Amazing Friendship Celebrating With Friends Qualities Of A Friend Thank You Friendship Being A True Friend Touching Best Friend Your My Best Friend Bff Forever Moments With Friends

Author:Oprah Winfrey

“A man told me that for a woman, I was very opinionated. I said, 'for a man you're kind of ignorant'.”

Men Kind Said Funny Women Ignorance Humorous Men And Women Feminist Actresses Singers Ignorant Opinionated

Author:Anne Hathaway

“The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead.”

“My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”

Inspirational Funny Sports Humorous Machines My Favorite Actresses Comedian Wellness Gym Fitness Hilarious Gymnasiums Vending Machines

Author:Caroline Rhea

“I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.”

Funny Steps Laughing Humorous Aging Actresses Producers Comedian Memorable Breasts Host Considering Day Getting Older Good Day Great Day Laugh At Yourself Laugh Out Loud

Author:Joan Rivers

“Many years ago I remember a famous actress explaining to me with perfect seriousness that before making an entrance she always stood aside to allow God to go on first. I can also remember that on that particular occasion He gave a singularly uninspired performance.”

“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment”

People Funny Sound Seeing Humorous Envy Actresses Punishment Comedian Jealousy Vacation Drag Considering Day Entertainers Social Network

Author:Betty White

“I know stealing a foot is weird. But, hello, living in a house where a foot is available to be stolen is weird.”

Knows Funny House Feet Humorous Available Actresses Singers Stealing Hello Stolen Weirdness Six Feet Under

Author:Lauren Ambrose

“You don’t need to be a completely complete human right now … That’s what makes you human.”

Inspirational Needs Humans Funny Human Nature Right Now Humorous Actresses Being Yourself Editors Being Human Just Be Yourself

Author:Tavi Gevinson

“As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'”

Wells Funny Sex Laughing Humorous Profit Actresses Producers Comedian Rays Host Wedding Tape Kim Freaky

Author:Joan Rivers

“I'm not a lesbian, but my girlfriend is.”

Love Humor Funny Humour Humorous Actresses Girlfriend My Girlfriend Lesbianism Funny Girlfriend

Author:Gina Gershon

“I never wanted to go on stage alone because if you mess up, who can you blame?”

Ifs Wanted Funny Stage Goes On Humorous Blame Entrepreneur Actresses Singers Mess African American Me Alone Messed Up Blaming Others

Author:Patti LaBelle

“My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.”

Funny Mother Humorous Witty Actresses Frank

Author:Angie Dickinson