Home / Authors / George Carlin

George Carlin

George Carlin Quotes

Comedian

George Carlin, born on May 12, 1937, in New York, USA, was a renowned American comedian, writer, and actor. His career began in the 1960s, and he became famous for his unique sense of humor and insightful observations on social phenomena. Carlin was known for his sharp wit and satirical take on politics, religion, language, and culture, often sparking controversy but also winning widespread acclaim.

Filter quotes by topic

All People Funny Ifs Thinking Humor Humorous Stupid People Knows Stupid Way Want Witty Genuine Comedian Sarcastic Men Littles Comedy World Firsts

Famous George Carlin Quotes

“You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.”

Knows Dream Turns Gone Aging Your Dreams Pushing Slipping Brake Slipping Away

Author:George Carlin

“When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.”

Knows Persons Political Talking Serious Listening Solutions Genuine Serious Person

Book:Brain Droppings

Source: Brain Droppings

“Why is there such controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who'd be willing to test any drug they can come up with.”

Knows Would Be Funny Guy Willing Drug Tests Come Up Plenty Testing Controversy Funny Drug Drug Testing

Author:George Carlin

“You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it. And now they're coming for your Social Security money. They want your f**kin' retirement money. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street.”

“It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.”

Knows Different Country Philosophy Wanted Courses One Thing Standards Slave Owners Double Standard Slave Owners

Author:George Carlin

“Let me get a sip of water here... you figure this stuff is safe to drink? Actually, I don't care, I drink it anyway. You know why? Because I'm an American and I expect a little cancer in my food and water. I'm a loyal American and I'm not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day.”

Knows Littles Philosophy Government Care Stuff Bits Water Figures Industry Drink Safe Letting Go Little Bit Let Me Cancer Don't Care I Don't Care Poison Loyal Not Happy

Author:George Carlin

“If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.”

Ifs Knows Long Enough Humor Funny Cancer Sooner Or Later

Author:George Carlin

“You know something I could really do without? The Space Shuttle. ... It's irresponsible. The last thing we should be doing is sending our grotesquely distorted DNA out into space.”

Knows Should Lasts Science Space Dna Irresponsible Space Shuttle

Book:Brain Droppings

Source: Brain Droppings

“Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. If the parent corporation doesn't want you to know something, it won't be on the news. Period. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up.”

“How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen; that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.”

People Knows Way Happens Names Causes Can Do Goodness Six Decent Abortion Chickens Sanctity Of Life Omelets

Author:George Carlin

About the Author

Born: May 12, 1937
Died: June 22, 2008
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 1027

Related Topics

People Funny Ifs Thinking Humor Humorous Stupid People Knows Stupid Way Want Witty Genuine Comedian Sarcastic Men Littles Comedy World Firsts

Popular Topics

People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

Napalm & Silly PuttyRelated source material

Brain DroppingsRelated source material

3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?Related source material

The Best of Brain DroppingsRelated source material

When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?Related source material

Last WordsRelated source material

It's Bad for YaRelated source material

Watch My LanguageRelated source material

Similar Authors

Mitch HedbergBrowse related quotes
Steven WrightBrowse related quotes
Woody AllenBrowse related quotes
Dave BarryBrowse related quotes
Dylan MoranBrowse related quotes
Groucho MarxBrowse related quotes
Chelsea HandlerBrowse related quotes
Demetri MartinBrowse related quotes
George MikesBrowse related quotes
Chris RockBrowse related quotes