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Famous George Carlin Quotes
“It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.”
“Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple.”
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”
“If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.”
“THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.”
“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.”
“Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?”
“Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.”
“No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.”
“Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?”
“If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?”
“What year did Jesus think it was?”
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
“Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?”
“If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?”
“Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?”