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Famous George Carlin Quotes
“The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.”
“She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.”
“The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.”
“I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.”
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”
“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”
“If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?”
“As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.”
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”
“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”
“There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.”
“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.”
“Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!”
“I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.”
“No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.”
“Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.”
“I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.”
“God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.”
“In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.”
“Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client?”
“So far, this is the oldest I've been.”
“Somehow I enjoy watching people suffer.”
“If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.”