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Famous George Carlin Quotes
“That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.”
“Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.”
“Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.”
“Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?”
“We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.”
“Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.”
“Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?”
“Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason”
“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”
“There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.”
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”
“I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.”
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”
“Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.”
“I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.”
“Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.”
“As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is.”
“In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.”
“I don't have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.”
“When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.”
“I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.”