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Dating Quotes

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Dating Quotes

“Its almost as if he's been hit on the dead with a cricket bat,' observed Samantha. 'It's worse then that,' said Nanny Piggins. 'When you hit someone on the head with a cricket bat, the sharp pain and the flowing blood let them know something is wrong. But then a man is dazzled by a beautiful woman, he doesn't realise he has gone temporarily insane. The opposite happens. He suddenly thinks he is the funniest, cleverest man ever to walk on earth. Really, when single men start dating they should all be locked up in lunatic asylums.”

HumorDatingNanny Piggins
Book:Nanny Piggins and the Wicked Plan
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“And slowly, over the months, he’d ease back into what I called the maybe zone, out of the friend zone. The zone that men sneak themselves into when they’re trying to turn casualty into probability, when every smile hello is something more to them in their hopeful and dazed state. When he’d drift back there to that space of seemingly no boundaries, I’d remind him gently that we were just friends with a friendship meme or joke about how my future boyfriend and him just have to get along. Always reminding him. And he always yo-yo’s back.”

HumorDatingFriendzone
Book:Unexpected
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“Finally,’ I said. ‘Something we agree on.’ ‘I bet we agree on a lot.’ He plucked a mangled maple-nut donut out and sat back, examining it in the fluorescent light. ‘Such as?’ ‘All the important stuff,’ Gus said. ‘The chemical composition of Earth’s atmosphere, whether the world needs six Pirates of the Caribbean movies, that White Russians should only be drunk you’re already sure you’re going to vomit anyway.”

HumorFunnyDating
Book:Beach Read
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“but only after our own respective prides slowly melted away, like a lion family ice sculpture being left near those restaurant heaters that a maître d’ was going to have to blame a waiter for so she could keep her job and he could lose his as payback for him dumping her for the ice sculptor.”

HumorFunnyPrideDatingWittyBetrayalRevengeCleverWaitersIce Sculptures
Book:The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating Treats
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“The West Sister Dating Rules were clear on the matter of apologies. On the evolutionary scale of dating, a guy who apologized solely for the sake of ending the argument and getting back into your good graces was on the level of primeval slime — especially if he was clearly doing so merely because he was hoping for sex. The proper response was to unveil the offender’s deceit by demanding he explain what exactly he was apologizing for, and then scorn him when he betrayed his ignorance.”

HumorFunnyHumourDatingApologyRulesBoyfriendAlex Gabriel
Book:Love for the Cold-Blooded, or The Part-Time Evil Minion's Guide to Accidentally Dating a Superhero
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“Some people would have killed themselves and/or someone else if they were single; and some people would not have done that.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Most women sell sex; most of them just don’t take cash (nor do they each sell to more than one ‘client’ at a time).”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a man is jealous of his own car, house, wardrobe, or salary.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Many a woman is in a relationship with or married to her man not because she loves him but only because she likes men like him.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twice as much as he earns.”

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Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana
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“Paeng leans back and rests his hand flat on the table. “Vince.” Blushing, he snaps at his friend. “I dropped the bra on the wet tarp and I guess I must have accidentally gotten paint on it and touched it to my cheek, okay?” Paeng is silent as Vince sighs. “I didn’t mean to take my upset out on you, sorry.” “No big. So, you fondled it. Was it good for you?” Paeng’s eyes glitter, making Vince’s anxiety flare. “I couldn’t help myself! The girl’s smoking hot and yet she doesn’t appear to own trashy underwear.” He feels all dreamy just thinking about it. “It’s simple and soft . . . it felt so nice. She’s not like any of the girls I’ve met before. She’s direct, feisty and artistic and I bet she’s really smart. She’s nothing like the usual MOM Girl and she’s not even my type. But her underwear is beautiful. She doesn’t wear slutty underwear because she doesn’t put on airs, and oh, God, that’s so attractive. What I wouldn’t give to see—” Paeng face palms Vince. “Dude. You are waxing poetic about cotton underwear like my sisters wear when they get their periods. It’s just underwear. It is not the key to Dani’s psyche. You are making the kind of assumptions about her that lead to expensive rings, one point two kids, and minivans. You are in trouble.”

HumorDatingMale Female Relationships
Book:Moms on Missions
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“Bob leaned back and straightened his red paisley power tie. His smile was a bit lopsided and more than a bit suggestive. “In my experience, older women have very definite ideas about what they want—ideas that don’t include wheezing, potbellied, middle-aged guys with receding hairlines.” He chuckled and smoothed his flaxen tresses once more. She drummed her fingernails on the white tablecloth and looked for the waitress. That made six times so far this insolent pup had used the term “older women.” He gave her the once-over. “Nowadays, older women are so—” God help him if he says... “—well preserved.” Lina briefly closed her eyes. It was going to be a long evening.”

HumorRomanceDatingRomantic ComedyBad Date
Author:Pamela Burford, Too Darn Hot
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