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Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Humorous Quotes

“Not far from here, by a white sun, behind a green star, lived the Steelypips, illustrious, industrious, and they hadn't a care: no spats in their vats, no rules, no schools, no gloom, no evil influence of the moon, no trouble from matter or antimatter - for they had a machine, a dream of a machine, with springs and gears and perfect in every respect. And they lived with it, and on it, and under it, and inside it, for it was all they had - first they saved up all their atoms, then they put them all together, and if one didn't fit, why they chipped at it a bit, and everything was just fine.”

Source: The Cyberiad

“We need time to relax and enjoy ourselves too, no matter how dark the story. The occasional humorous moment helps with that. That's one of the things that Joss Whedon excels at in his storytelling.”

Needs Matter Moments Helping Stories Enjoy Dark Humorous Storytelling Relax Occasional Time Of Need Time To Relax

Author:Patrick Rothfuss

“Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.”

Inspirational Matter Enough Bigs Motivational Winning Goal Learning Wise Wise Words Battle Picks Humorous Profound Educational Priorities Insane Minor Things

Author:Jonathan Kozol

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”

Life Long Matter Funny Three Doors Figures Six Laughter Humorous Comedian Locks Hilarious Funny Life Humor And Laughter Humor Laughter Funny Comedian Best Funny Most Funny

Author:Elayne Boosler

“No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.”

Source: Brain Droppings

“In matters of religion and matrimony I never give any advice; because I will not have anybody's torments in this world or the next laid to my charge.”

World Giving Matter Funny Next Advice This World Humorous Torment Matrimony

Author:Lord Chesterfield

“There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.”

Real Matter Funny America Humorous Ideals Usa United States Of America Insulting

Author:Gilbert K. Chesterton

“"Dr. Munro, sir," said he, "I am a walking museum. You could fit what ISN'T the matter with me on to the back of a -- visiting card. If there's any complaint you want to make a special study of, just you come to me, sir, and see what I can do for you. It's not every one that can say that he has had cholera three times, and cured himself by living on red pepper and brandy."”

Source: Collected Works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Delphi Classics)

“You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.”

“Dressing is a matter of taste, and I've met very few Republicans with good taste.”

Matter Political Politics Fashion Republican Taste Mets Humorous Democrat Dressings Good Taste

Author:Willie Brown

“Well, it may be humorous to you, but it’s a very serious matter to the squirrels.”

Wells May Matter Serious Humorous Squirrels

Book:Love in the Afternoon

Source: Love in the Afternoon

“The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.”

Matter Stories Humor Effects Depends Humorous Witty Comic

Book:Humorous Stories and Sketches

Source: Humorous Stories and Sketches

“Character doesn't matter.”

Matter Character Stupid Humorous

Author:William J. Clinton

“We're not talking about a few rooms here with delicate personal matters involved.”

Matter Rooms Talking Stupid Involved Humorous Delicate Not Talking Personal Matter

Book:Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: William J. Clinton, 1998

Source: Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: William J. Clinton, 1998

“From the air, Vatican City looked like a marble Monopoly set. The Church owned all the property from Broadwalk to Illinois Avenue, has three hotels on every lot, and no matter how often it tossed the dice you just knew it would never land on Go to Jail, it would be forever passing Go and collecting $200.”

Matter Humor Would Be Funny Three Church Cities Forever Air Land Humorous Property Passing Passings Hotel Jail Monopoly Avenues Collecting Marble Dice Illinois

Book:Another Roadside Attraction

Source: Another Roadside Attraction