“Donald Trump refuses to give details about his policy plans. Trump apologized by saying, 'When I announced I was running for president, I had no idea people would take me seriously.'” PeopleGivingIdeasRunningPresidentPlansPolicyTrumpDetailsRefuseNo IdeaTake Me Author:Conan O'Brien
“After Donald Trump's derogatory comments about immigrants, NBC has officially cancelled Celebrity Apprentice. Think about it: Donald Trump isn't even president yet, and he's already made America a better place!” ThinkingMadeAmericaPresidentTrumpImmigrantsCommentBetter PlaceApprenticeNbcDerogatory Author:Conan O'Brien
“Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians.” RunningNightPresidentTrumpLateNewsComedianSupporterLate Night Author:Conan O'Brien
“Gary Busey said on the Today Show yesterday that Donald Trump would make a great President. Now Trump just needs endorsements from Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen.” NeedsSaidShowsTodayPresidentTrumpYesterdayCharlieGaryEndorsementsRandyGreat PresidentsQuaid Author:Conan O'Brien
“Donald Trump said that if President Obama releases his birth certificate, Trump will release his tax return. Obama said he won't run for a second term if Trump releases that thing on his head.” IfsSaidRunningPresidentTermReturnTrumpBirthTaxesReleasePresident ObamaCertificatesBirth CertificateTax Returns Author:Conan O'Brien
“NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew The Apprentice. So some good may come out of this.” IfsMayDoeRunningPresidentTrumpExecutivesApprenticeNbc Author:Conan O'Brien
“Donald Trump is going to make an announcement about running for President on the season finale of Celebrity Apprentice. Not to be outdone, the same night the Cake Boss will reveal his plan for overhauling Medicare.” RunningNightPresidentPlansTrumpSeasonsBossCakeMedicareApprenticeAnnouncementsFinale Author:Conan O'Brien
“Critics say it's illegal for Donald Trump to run for president while hosting a TV show. It's also illegal to run for president if your hair wasn't born in this country.” IfsCountryShowsRunningPresidentBornTvsHairTrumpCriticsIllegalTv Shows Author:Conan O'Brien
“Donald Trump called George W. Bush 'the worst president in the history of the United States.' Then he added, 'Until, of course, I'm elected.'” StatesCoursesPresidentUnitedUnited StatesWorstTrump Author:Conan O'Brien
“It's starting to look like Donald Trump may be a serious presidential candidate. If you're in my line of work, Trump running for president for real is the greatest thing that has ever happened.” IfsLooksMayRealRunningPresidentLinesHappenedSeriousTrumpStartingPresidentialCandidatesPresidential CandidateUs President Author:Conan O'Brien
“Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says he thinks it would be great if Donald Trump was president. Which is really weird because I thought Brady didn't like things that are filled with too much air.” IfsThinkingWould BePresidentToo MuchAirTrumpFilledTomsPatriotQuarterbackReally WeirdBrady Author:Conan O'Brien
“Congress is debating a kill switch that would allow President Obama to freeze all activity on the internet if there was a national emergency. The kill switch goes by the top-secret code name 'Microsoft Windows.'” IfsNamesPresidentSecretInternetActivityWindowCongressCodePresident ObamaEmergenciesMicrosoftFreezeTop Secret Author:Conan O'Brien
“Vanity Fair magazine reports that former President Clinton and Al Gore haven't spoken to each other since George W. Bush's inauguration. Not only that, Bill and his wife, Hillary, haven't spoken since Richard Nixon's inauguration.” PresidentWifeHavensFairsBillsClintonMagazinesFormerVanityReportsAlsGoreInaugurationPresident ClintonVanity Fair Author:Conan O'Brien
“Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary Clinton running for president. Apparently, some Democrats don't like the idea, while others hate it.” IdeasFeelingsRunningHatePresidentClintonDemocratMixed Feelings Author:Conan O'Brien
“Today the Washington Post did an article; they compared the 2008 presidential election to the 1932 presidential election. They did a comparison, mainly because 1932 was the first time John McCain ran for president.” FirstsTodayPresidentFirst TimeElectionPostsPresidentialRanComparisonArticlesMccainPresidential Election Author:Conan O'Brien
“Today, Snoop Dog endorsed Ron Paul for president. Snoop said he likes Paul's positions on everything from legalizing pot ... to legalizing pot.” SaidTodayPresidentDogPositionLikesPotSnoop Dog Author:Conan O'Brien
“The White House admitted that Vice President Biden's endorsement of gay marriage forced him to come out in favor of it. So in a related story millions of Americans are trying to get Biden hooked on pot.” TryingStoriesHousePresidentWhiteMillionsGayVicesFavorsRelatedWhite HousePotGay MarriageVice PresidentHookedEndorsementsBiden Author:Conan O'Brien
“President Obama answered questions on YouTube today. He was asked 7,500 times about legalizing marijuana. And that was just from Chad in Portland.” TodayPresidentPresident ObamaMarijuanaYoutubePortlandChadLegalizing Marijuana Author:Conan O'Brien
“President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards.” TodayLeftPresidentBaseballTradeCardsCanadaAwkwardSummitPresident BushBaseball Cards Author:Conan O'Brien
“Apparently Arnold was inspired by President Bush, who proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language.” IfsCountryLanguagePresidentSuccessfulPoliticianInspiredPresident Bush Author:Conan O'Brien
“During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage.” ThinkingMayEndsFactsRunningTogetherLastsPoliticalNightPresidentMarriageGayDebatePlanningExpertsFriendlyAccusedLast NightGay MarriagePresident BushJohn KerryRunning Together Author:Conan O'Brien
“In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed limited federal funding for stem cell research. That's right, the President said, this is a quote, the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and whatever it is I have.” SaidHelpingPresidentBrainDiseaseResearchCuresCellsAddressesPrimeStemFundingPresident BushAlzheimerAlzheimer'sStem CellParkinsonStem Cell ResearchParkinson'sPrime TimeEmbryonic Stem Cell Research Author:Conan O'Brien
“Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasn't changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference, they say, is that he's started watching the news and taping Sponge Bob.” WarHousePresidentDifferencesWhiteChangedNewsOfficialsWhite HouseBobSchedulesPresident BushSponges Author:Conan O'Brien
“President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003.” WritingBookPresidentDealsMillionsClintonPresident BushPresident Clinton Author:Conan O'Brien
“The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said 'Yes.'” IfsSaidWarRunningFightingPresidentFireArmyIraqVicesFirmContractsVice PresidentBidding Author:Conan O'Brien
“Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq” TodayHousePresidentWhiteReturnTaxesIraqWhite HouseTaxationPresident BushTax Returns Author:Conan O'Brien
“President Obama , I guess, is starting to confess to some of his anxieties. In a recent interview, President Obama said, 'I miss being anonymous.' He said, 'In the old days, I could blend in with all the other Hawaiian Barack Hussein Obamas.'” SaidPresidentMissingAnxietyStartingBarackInterviewsPresident ObamaHusseinOld DaysHawaiians Author:Conan O'Brien
“The Senate has sent President Obama a spending bill that gives the government enough money to keep going for two weeks. Our Congress has the financial planning skills of a college sophomore.” GivingTwoEnoughGovernmentPresidentWeekCollegeSkillsBillsFinancialCongressSpendingPlanningKeep GoingPresident ObamaSenateTwo WeeksSophomoreFinancial Planning Author:Conan O'Brien
“President Obama filled in as the coach of his daughter Sasha's basketball team. Sasha evidently listened to her Dad, because all she did was drive straight down the center and piss everyone off.” PresidentTeamDadBasketballDaughterFilledCoachesPresident ObamaBasketball TeamFilled In Author:Conan O'Brien
“At the state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao, Hu opened a fortune cookie that said, 'You will lend us another trillion dollars.'” SaidStatesPresidentDollarsFortuneDinnerChineseCookiesFortune Cookie Author:Conan O'Brien
“President Obama held a ceremony at the White House to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah. In response, Republicans said, 'It's even worse than we thought. He's a Jewish Muslim.'” FirstsSaidNightHousePresidentWhiteRepublicanResponseCelebrateWhite HousePresident ObamaCeremonyHanukkah Author:Conan O'Brien
“Promoting his new book, President Bush visited the headquarters of Facebook. Unfortunately, he spent the whole visit on Farmville, clearing brush.” BookWholePresidentBrushesPromotingPresident BushNew BooksClearingHeadquarters Author:Conan O'Brien
“A new poll shows that Tiger Woods' popularity has dropped from 85 percent to 33 percent. President Obama's popularity is also at 33 percent, but Tiger had more fun getting there.” ShowsFunPresidentPercentWoodsPresident ObamaPopularityTigersPolls Author:Conan O'Brien
“Yesterday, President Obama prank-called a Washington radio station, calling himself 'Barry from D.C.' Then, just to mess with him, Obama called Glenn Beck's radio show as 'B. Hussein from Kenya.'” ShowsPresidentCallingRadioYesterdayMessStationsPresident ObamaHusseinKenyaRadio StationsPranks Author:Conan O'Brien
“Yesterday, the country of Kosovo unveiled an 11-foot tall statue of former President Clinton. Yeah. That's right. The Clinton statue is so life-like, it's already been slapped 12 times.” CountryPresidentFeetYeahClintonYesterdayFormerTallStatuesPresident ClintonKosovo Author:Conan O'Brien
“President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to succeed they need to work hard and study hard. Then today, former President George W. Bush presented the rebuttal.” NeedsHardTodayOrderPresidentStudyStudentsHard WorkSucceedSpeechYesterdayFormerTonightPresident ObamaHealthcarePresident George W BushPepOrder To SucceedPep TalkRebuttal Author:Conan O'Brien
“Former President George W. Bush has hired a man to lead his presidential think tank in Dallas. The man was hired because he was the only candidate who could say the words, 'George W. Bush think tank' with a straight face.” ThinkingMenFacesPresidentHe ManFormerPresidentialCandidatesTanksDallasPresident George W BushStraight Face Author:Conan O'Brien
“According to some reports coming out of Washington today, President Obama said Kanye West is a 'jackass.' Not since 'yes, we can' has Obama found a slogan so many Americans can get behind.” SaidTodayFoundPresidentBehindsWestReportsPresident ObamaComing OutSlogansJackassesYes We Can Author:Conan O'Brien
“President Obama says he will not support a healthcare plan where the government gets to decide whether to, quote, 'pull the plug on Grandma.' Apparently, Obama's plan calls for the much quicker pillow option.” GovernmentPresidentSupportPlansPresident ObamaHealthcarePillowGrandmaPlugs Author:Conan O'Brien
“President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, 'I'd like to encourage you to do some shopping while you're here.' I think it worked because China immediately bought eight banks, two car companies, and the state of Wyoming.” ThinkingMadeSaidTwoStatesBigsPresidentCompanyCarNew YorkSpeechMembersChinaEightPresident ObamaShoppingAssemblyWyomingGeneral Assembly Author:Conan O'Brien
“A new report just came out that says President Obama has mentioned Jesus Christ in more speeches than President Bush did. Can you believe that? Still, neither has used the phrase 'Oh God, oh God,' more than President Clinton.” BelieveStillsUsedJesusPresidentChristSpeechJesus ChristClintonPhrasesReportsPresident ObamaPresident BushPresident Clinton Author:Conan O'Brien
“Today, former President Bill Clinton met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il and convinced him to release two American journalists that have been jailed since March. Isn't that great? This is big, yeah. Or as Clinton calls it, another Asian happy ending.” Has BeensTwoBigsTodayPresidentMetsYeahBillsClintonConvincedReleaseFormerJournalistMarchDictatorAsianHappy EndingsNorth KoreaKoreanKimNorth KoreanPresident Bill Clinton Author:Conan O'Brien
“President Obama has appointed a transgender woman to a position in the Department of Commerce. You know, in this era of partisan bickering, President Obama deserves a lot of credit for taking a chance on Ann Coulter, I think.” ThinkingKnowsPresidentChancePositionDeserveCreditErasDepartmentPresident ObamaCommerceTransgenderPartisansBickering Author:Conan O'Brien
“The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, "I don't need a pardon. I need a job.'” NeedsSaidJobsPresidentCaliforniaPresident ObamaTurkeysPardonFunny ThanksgivingThanksgiving GreetingsThanksgiving WishesHappy Thanksgiving WishesTurkey DayHappy Thanksgiving Greetings Author:Conan O'Brien
“People all over the world now are following our election. And according to a new international poll that just came out, I think this came out a few hours ago, this is true, people in Canada want Barack Obama to be the next U.S. president. That's what they're saying. In Canada, yeah. That makes sense, because Obama has the support of Canada's anti-war voters, as well as Canada's black guy. He is very excited.” PeopleThinkingWorldWantWellsWarGuyNextBlackPresidentHoursSupportElectionYeahInternationalFollowingExcitedBarackMake SenseCanadaVotersAnti WarPollsBlack GuysTrue People Author:Conan O'Brien
“Time magazine has selected their person of the year. Guess what, it's President-elect Barack Obama. Yeah, ironically, Ebony magazine announced their person of the year, and it's Ed Begley Jr.” YearsPersonsPresidentYeahMagazinesBarackSelectedTime Magazine Author:Conan O'Brien
“In the news, Chinese president Hu Jintao says that now that Barack Obama has been elected, he is looking forward to taking the relationship between China and the U.S. to the next level. That's what he said. Yeah. Then he said, 'Who knows, maybe we'll even go all the way.'” KnowsWayHas BeensSaidNextPresidentLevelsNewsYeahChinaBarackChineseLooking ForwardNext Level Author:Conan O'Brien
