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Demetri Martin

Demetri Martin Quotes

Comedian

Demetri Martin is an American comedian, writer, and actor known for his unique and witty humor style. He is recognized for his sharp wit and satirical commentary, often performing in television shows, movies, and stage performances. Born on May 25, 1973, Martin's career began in New York comedy clubs.

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All Ifs Funny Humor Thinking People Comedy Knows Want Way Looks Trying Said Sometimes Men I'm Sorry Guy Shows Feels Would Be I Can

Famous Demetri Martin Quotes

“I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.”

Sometimes Use Strange Comedian Compliment Props Humorists

Author:Demetri Martin

“For me and most of my friends who are comedians, if you've been doing comedy for a while, your tolerance for things actually moves. I find it very hard to be shocked, and when other people aggressively take offense to something, I'm sometimes confused.”

People Ifs Sometimes Hard Moving Comedy My Friends Tolerance Comedian Confused Offense Shocked

Author:Demetri Martin

“Sometimes I feel like I'm making a connection with a stranger, but then it turns out I'm not. Like, I was in a mall, and I saw this lady hitting her kid. So I went up to her, and I was like, "Yeah, get him!" She got all mad at me. I was like, "I'm on your side here."”

Feels Sometimes Kids Funny Turns Sides Saws Comedy Connections Yeah Mad Stranger Hitting Malls Your Side

Author:Demetri Martin

“Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say, "I'm not racist, but you look great today." They say, "That wasn't racist at all." I said, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."”

Ifs Knows Want Looks Said Sometimes Today Funny Attention Comedy Sentences Racist Typical Mexican

Author:Demetri Martin

“Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.”

Sometimes Play Use Bits Building Draws Jokes Block Building Blocks

Author:Demetri Martin

“Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.”

Feels Years Sometimes Shows Remember Three Years Ago Three Years

Author:Demetri Martin

“It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.”

Feels Sometimes Work Out Thursday

Author:Demetri Martin

“Sometimes I like to go outside without even checking the weather first.”

Firsts Sometimes Weather

Author:Demetri Martin

“Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.”

Feels Sometimes Laughing Bird Window Jealousy Jealous Black Humor

Author:Demetri Martin

“I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.”

Way Mind Sometimes Moving Voice Can Do Reader Sorry Excuse Supposed To Be Tone Annoyed Excuse Me Moving Out I Am So Sorry

Author:Demetri Martin

“Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.”

Looks Sometimes Dancing Spiders Spider Web

Book:This Is a Book

Source: This Is a Book

“I live in New York and there are a lot of famous... pizzerias in my neighborhood, it's really hard to find one that isn't famous. Which sucks sometimes, you know what I mean, sometimes I don't want all that glitz and glamour, I just want something delicious, you know? I don't need a celebrity in my mouth, Ray's Up And Coming Pizza would be fine.”

Knows Want Needs Mean Sometimes Hard Would Be New York Fine Mouths Neighborhood Rays Delicious Want Something Glamour Pizza Glitz

Author:Demetri Martin

“Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax.”

Sometimes Helping Rooms Tension Climax Heckling Ratchets

Author:Demetri Martin

“If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.”

Ifs Sometimes House Imagine Tree Remove Imagine That Treehouses

Author:Demetri Martin

“I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.'”

“I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.”

Believe I Can Sometimes Use Humor Funny Morning Breakfast Unbelievable Toasts

Author:Demetri Martin

“Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.”

Sometimes Dies Fun Sports Not Sure Swimming Confusing Funny Swimming

Author:Demetri Martin

“There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?”

Ifs Thinking Knows Way Mean Sometimes Speak Wonder Hunger Relevant

Author:Demetri Martin

“Sometimes, when something really great happens to me, I like to wait two weeks before I tell anyone about it, because I like to use the word 'fortnight'.”

Two Sometimes Use Happens Waiting Week Really Great Two Weeks Fortnight

Author:Demetri Martin

“I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.”

World Sometimes Humor Funny Dies Comedy Baby Celebrate Cake Streaks Celebrate Life When Someone Dies

Author:Demetri Martin

About the Author

Born: May 25, 1973
Known for: Comedian
Quotes: 496

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Ifs Funny Humor Thinking People Comedy Knows Want Way Looks Trying Said Sometimes Men I'm Sorry Guy Shows Feels Would Be I Can

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People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

This Is a BookRelated source material

Point Your Face at This: DrawingsRelated source material

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