“It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.”
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Famous Demetri Martin Quotes
“I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'”
“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.”
“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
“Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, 'I apologize.' Except at a funeral.”
“If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.”
“When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.”