“Cottonballs are an example of something I'd want to buy, but not have as a nickname.”
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Famous Demetri Martin Quotes
“My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.”
“I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.”
“As a creative person, you want to have a foothold and sense of progress.”
“If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.”
“Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.”
“I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.”
“If you want to feel less sexy put scotch tape on your nipples.”
“I don't want to be my own boss. I want to be my own colleague.”
“I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.”
“I want to make a revolving door that says 'Pull' on it, just see how obedient people are.”
“I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.”
“A musical is the same as a burlap sack, I would not want to be in either”