“Thirteen at a table is unlucky only, when the hostess has only twelve chops.”
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Famous Groucho Marx Quotes
“You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you”
“You're heading for a breakdown. Why don't you pull yourself to pieces?”
“You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.”
“Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face”
“With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now”
Source: The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx
“When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"”
“The only game I like to play is "Old Maid", providing she's not too old”
“Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while”
“My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs”
Source: The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx
“Jail is no place for a young fellow. There's no advancement.”
“I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down”
“It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa”
“I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.”
“I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills”
Source: The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx
“I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy”
Source: The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx
“I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.”
“I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip”
Source: The Essential Groucho: Writings By, For, and about Groucho Marx
“I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing”
Source: The Groucho Letters: Letters from and to Groucho Marx
“I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove”
“Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns”
“Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood”