Best Drunk Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings Page 13

“Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called "Sin City" is allowed to be a drunk.”

“In talking to girls I could never remember the right sequence of things to say. I'd meet a girl and say, Hi, was it good for you too? If a girl spent the night, I'd wake up in the morning and then try to get her drunk.”

Ifs Trying Remember Night Girl Talking Morning Wake Up Drunk Sequence

Author:Steve Martin

“The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.”

People Years Two Home Night Left Walks Shots My Friends Balls Twenties Clean Bars Drunk Drank Couches Buckets Twenty Two

Author:Jon Stewart

“When the doors of opportunity swing open, we must make sure that we are not too drunk or too indifferent to walk through.”

Political Opportunity Walks Doors Racism Drunk Swings Indifferent

Author:Jesse Jackson

“People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.”

People Want Firsts Kids Dog Drunk Compare Insulting Having Kids

Author:Greg Giraldo

“If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.”

Ifs Thinking Needs Helping Please Prison Drunk Clothings Escaping Walmart

Author:Dane Cook

“If you go to Germany and get drunk, at some point you will try to look up Hitler in the phone book.”

Ifs Trying Looks Book Phones Drunk Germany Look Up

Author:Dave Attell

“Come on. I got drunk when I was like 5.”

Drunk

Author:Fiona Apple

“He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.”

Ifs Want Judgment Likes Drunk Want To See You

Book:He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

Source: He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

“I try to make myself, and subsequently the audience, as uncomfortable as possible, whether it's completely desecrating a song they thought was one thing, or getting too drunk to really do a very good job.”

Trying Jobs Song Audience One Thing Very Good Drunk Uncomfortable Good Job

Author:J Tillman

“There's a lot of people who don't understand the touring and the party scene and it's like, go to bed late, wake up early, drive for hours, play a show, meet crazy drunk people and all that stuff. I would rather be doing that than like McDonalds or something like that though. It's definitely fun but it's a lot of work.”

People Play Shows Fun Stuff Hours Party Crazy Scene Bed Late Wake Up Drunk Show Me Touring Mcdonalds Up Early Drunk People

Author:Sam Hughes

“I became a terrible drunk or alcoholic - or a good one depending on your point of view.”

Views Terrible Point Of View Drunk Alcoholics

Author:Craig Ferguson

“The spirit he has shown has been second to none. (on Terry Fenwick's drunk-driving charge)”

Has Beens Spirit England Driving Drunk Drunk Driving

Author:Terry Venables

“When you're not 21, it's great to drink because you're not allowed to. You're a rebel: you gotta get a fake I.D., you gotta find a place to drink it, you gotta sneak in drunk. And if you get away with all that, you're laying in bed, your heart's pounding, you got vomit on your chin. You're like, 'I'm a rebel!' And you are. You're cool.”

Ifs Heart Drink Bed Drunk Fake Get Away Rebel Chins Sneak Sneak In

Author:Greg Fitzsimmons

“I'd love to be a woman for one day of my life... God... I would be drunk with power.”

Would Be One Day Drunk

Author:Bill Engvall

“I swear to you, I am the cheapest drunk on the planet. It takes nothing to get me loopy and doing stupid stuff. Yeah. Some of you like that? Well... like riding an electric floor buffer for a shot of tequila. Did it!”

Wells Stuff Stupid Planets Shots Yeah Drunk Riding Electric Swear Tequila Shots Of Tequila

Author:Bill Engvall

“Every weekend, I would get the drunk driving lecture. Of course, Dad drank and drove all the time. I guess it wasn't a lecture; it was helpful tips from the master.”

Courses Masters Dad Driving Drunk Helpful Weekend Lectures Drank Drunk Driving

Author:Christopher Titus

“You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?”

Knows Sometimes Know How Regret Drunk Aces

Author:Eugene Mirman

“When you're at a comedy club, if you're not funny, you don't work. People will let you know, whether it's by booing or yelling for you to get out of the club. People are drunk or whatever and they'll let you have it.”

People Ifs Knows Comedy Clubs Drunk Yelling Comedy Clubs Booing

Author:Brad Stine

“I work for a few at home who are devoted. People who are up now. Either they have some sort of bladder problem or they're extremely drunk. This is my crowd, these are the people I hope to get.”

People Problem Home Crowds Drunk Devoted Bladder

Author:Greg Proops

“I don't want comedy to be Bridesmaids 2. I'm not denigrating Bridesmaids but, enough already, let's stop pretending women are incalculably different to us. Seeking out podcasts, listening on headphones, it's like an intimate, specific conversation. People respond if it feels from the heart. I'm as neurotic a human being as lives, and I have my faults. I'm a drunk. But people really like that.”

People Ifs Want Feels Humans Heart Different Enough Human Beings Comedy Listening Conversation Faults Seeking Drunk Intimate Pretending Neurotic Headphones Bridesmaids Enough Already

Author:Greg Proops

“Is drunk dancing a type?”

Type Dancing Drunk

Author:Nikki Ferrell

“Energy literacy means you can see the waste in disposing of a plastic bottle after you've drunk water from some place on the other side of the world.”

World Mean Energy Sides Water Waste Drunk Bottles Plastic Literacy Plastic Bottles

Author:Saul Griffith

“Asquith, when drunk, can make a better speech than any of us when sober.”

Speech Drunk Sober

Author:Bonar Law

“It's not fair to say that Congress spends money like a drunk sailor. At least the sailor is spending his own money!”

Fairs Congress Spending Drunk Sailor Not Fair

Author:Ronald Reagan

“I'm not drunk onstage, although I've done that a couple of times when I was younger. It's partly just the way I talk - I talk like somebody in a rocking chair. I'm your 150-year-old grandmother.”

Way Years Done Couple Drunk Chairs Grandmother Rocking Chairs

Author:Dylan Moran

“Ann Coulter to me is someone who says things that I say all the time, but I say them at three in the morning when I'm drunk as a monkey. She says them at three in the afternoon stone sober in bright daylight.”

Three Morning Stones Drunk Afternoon Monkeys Sober Daylight

Author:P. J. O'Rourke

“You'd think when you saw my old MTV stuff that I was always drunk and high and all that stuff. I wasn't.”

Thinking Stuff Saws Drunk Mtv

Author:Pauly Shore

“It's progress I think, that science has joined philosophy, metaphysics & religion as subjects drunk people argue about in bars.”

People Thinking Philosophy Progress Subjects Arguing Bars Drunk Metaphysics Drunk People

Author:Neil deGrasse Tyson

“It was such a thrill. I found the roughest, toughest girls who love to party. They study and work all day in the Agricultural world and college and then they party. I met one girl at 3 am and she was so drunk and said 'l have to get up and cut a sheep's throat at 9 am.' I met another who was a wool classer. She said 'I can drink to 4 in the morning and class wool from 6 am. So I wrote Girls Out There about them.”

World Said I Can Girl Found Party Class Morning Study Cutting College Drink Mets Drunk Get Up Throat Sheep Thrill Wool Study And Work

Author:Beccy Cole

“I think the Birmingham accent has a lot to do with that, it certainly doesn't help you when you're trying to put a point across. We also set ourselves up for it sometimes by getting drunk and doing stupid things, but I thought that was what rock 'n' roll was all about.”

Thinking Trying Sometimes Helping Stupid Drunk Getting Drunk

Author:Clint Mansell

“I just discovered that there were so many lost movies that were all mine to take if I wanted to take them. I was drunk on greed when I encountered this motherlode of utterly fascinating narratives that time's great river washed up on its banks for me to just scavenge, and not even rub clean, just repurpose and take credit for. It was kind of one of those weird dreams that where you keep finding free money.”

Ifs Kind Dream Wanted Lost Mines Findings Rivers Clean Greed Credit Drunk Narrative Fascinating Free Money Weird Dream

Author:Guy Maddin

“You can be a victim of a crime and not exercise great judgment. And when women have been sexually assaulted, they feel like they have to have been perfect in order to have anybody believe them. They think nobody will believe them unless a stranger jumped out from behind a bush with a knife - not that they got too drunk and that a guy they thought they knew, you know, took advantage of them in a physical, assaultive way.”

Thinking Knows Way Feels Believe Has Beens Guy Order Perfect Behinds Crime Exercise Judgment Advantage Victim Stranger Drunk Knives Sexually

Author:Claire McCaskill

“It’s perfectly natural for me to sit down and talk about meditating and spiritual practice with my friends. But then I realize, how would it sound to a drunk cynical guy in London?”

Spiritual Guy Sound Realizing Natural Practice My Friends Down And London Drunk Cynical Meditating Spiritual Practice Perfectly Natural

Author:Moby

“You never see Beyonce stumbling out of a club drunk and on drugs without underwear on - nor do you see Justin Timberlake pashing 5 chicks in a club. You never hear them slagging anyone in the media...They are composed and somewhat mysterious and that fascinates me!”

Media Drug Clubs Drunk Mysterious Chicks Underwear Stumbling Justin Beyonce

Author:Ricki-Lee Coulter

“The problem wiv some blokes is that wen they ain't drunk, they're sober.”

Problem Drunk Sober Blokes

Author:William Butler Yeats

“I retired at twenty-nine, bought a life-time pass on American Airlines and my only goal in life was to party like a mad man and get drunk with as many people as possible. And I was happy right there. But when we started the streaming business, I knew it could be something big.”

People Men Bigs Goal Party Twenties Mad Nine Drunk Retired Airline Life Goal Time Passes Streaming Life Time Mad Men

Author:Mark Cuban

“My wedding will be a great party where I can get drunk and have a good time.”

I Can Party Drunk Good Times Having A Good Time Great Party

Author:Anna Faris

“This is interesting. Researchers have found that people who drive drunk are more dangerous on the road than drivers who are high on marijuana. Don't get too excited. It's mostly because the drivers using marijuana are just sitting in the Taco Bell drive-through.”

People Found Interesting Dangerous Sitting Excited Drunk Drivers Marijuana Bells Researchers Tacos Taco Bell

Author:Jimmy Fallon

“What can you say about the family who is suing the railroad after their drunk son was killed walking on the tracks? Trains don't normally sneak up on people. Unless they've derailed, you pretty much know where to find them.”

People Knows Son Walking Train Track Drunk Sneak Railroads Suing

Book:Me Talk Pretty One Day

Source: Me Talk Pretty One Day

“Look. Every partisan in every party has to learn one thing: Sometimes your people are wrong. To paraphrase an old retort, saying "My party, right or wrong" is like saying "My Kennedy, drunk or sober." Credibility is earned, and standing up and saying "Fie!" now and then reinforces your truthfulness.”

People Looks Sometimes Party One Thing Standing Drunk Now And Then Sober Credibility Truthfulness Partisans Paraphrase Retorts

Author:James Lileks

“Why is it that we all - myself included - believe these stories? Why are we so quick to assume that the TSA is a bunch of jack-booted thugs, officious and arbitrary and drunk with power? It's because everything seems so arbitrary, because there's no accountability or transparency in the DHS.”

Believe Stories Seems Assuming Bunch Drunk Accountability Arbitrary Transparency Thug Tsa

Author:Bruce Schneier

“It isn't chic for women to be drunk. Men drunks are more excusable, more easily absolved, but why? It must be thought they have better reasons.”

Men Reason Drunk Chic Drunk Man

Book:Cat's Eye

Source: Cat's Eye

“Love is a wine; you have to taste it, you have to drink it, you have to become drunk with it, only then do you know what it is.”

Knows Love Is Drink Taste Wine Drunk Do You Know

Author:Rajneesh

“Today, the growers are like a punch-drunk old boxer who doesn't know he's past his prime. The times are changing. The political and social environment has changed. The chickens are coming home to roost - and the time to account for past sins is approaching.”

Knows Home Today Past Political Social Sin Environment Changed Accounts Drunk Chickens Coming Home Prime Boxers Social Environment Roost Times Are Changing

Book:An Organizer's Tale: Speeches

Source: An Organizer's Tale: Speeches

“When I was a drunk, New York was the greatest place in the world. You walk everywhere, everything is open until four in the morning, and people go to New York looking for debauchery.”

People World Walks Morning Four New York Drunk Places In The World Debauchery

Author:Moby

“For my most of my career I've been a falling-down drunk. Most of my interviews were done hungover, and for a while it was great.”

Done Fall Careers Drunk Interviews Falling Down

Author:Moby

“A few years ago, before I stopped drinking, I was feeling very sorry for myself and very drunk, and I Googled 'Moby Sucks'. In less than one second something like 20 million responses came up... yeah, there has been a lot of loathing directed towards me, and it used to drive me crazy.”

Years Has Beens Feelings Used Millions Crazy Years Ago Yeah Drinking Response Sorry Drunk Loathing Drive Me Crazy

Author:Moby

“I was in bar about 15 years ago, a relationship had ended badly, I was very drunk and I thought I would convince myself to try and be gay. Like, at one point I didn't like coffee, then I learned to like it.”

Trying Years Gay Years Ago Coffee Bars Drunk Convince

Author:Moby

“Every time we have been drunk on Jager it's been - either we didn't remember or it's been insane.”

Has Beens Remember Insane Drunk

Author:Charlie Benante

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