Home / Topics / Hate Quotes

Hate Quotes

Browse 11409 quotes about Hate.

Hate Quotes

“I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back.”

Men Life Giving Enough Humor Funny Hate Women Marriage Hated Broken Heart Diamond Funny Relationship

Author:Zsa Zsa Gabor

“The sea hates a coward.”

Inspirational Funny Hate Sea Boat Coward Sailing

Author:Eugene O'Neill

“Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.”

Soul Funny Hate Forget Enemy Mad Golf Hate You Funny Golf Good Golf Golf Love

Author:Will Rogers

“I got jury duty and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, "You should write something really really racist on the form when you return it. Like, you should put 'I hate chinks'." And I said, "I'm not going to put that on there just to get out of jury duty. I don't want people to think that about me." So instead I wrote, "I love chinks." And who doesn't?”

People Thinking Want Should Writing Said Humor Funny Form Hate Duty Like You Return My Friends I Hate Racist Jury Chinks Jury Duty

Author:Sarah Silverman

“I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say 'I'm Stupid.' That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.”

People Way Should Humor Funny Hate Asks Stupid Should Have Rely Stupid People

Author:Bill Engvall

“Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'”

People Humor Funny Hate I Hate

Author:Zach Galifianakis

“Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.”

“I hate sandwiches at New York delis. Too much meat on the sandwich. It's like a cow with a cracker on either side. "Would you like anything else with the pastrami sandwich?" "Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people!"”

People Humor Funny Past Hate Sides Too Much New York I Hate Yeah Bread Meat Cows Sandwiches Crackers Pastrami

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.”

Long Humor Funny Hate Wish I Hate Separation Teeth Curvy Flossing

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store, you start to get mad at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Somebody just needs to tell the turkeys, "Man, just be yourselves!" I already like you, little fella. I used to draw you. If you had a couple of fingers missing, you would draw a really messed-up turkey. That turkey was in an accident!”

Ifs Men Needs Littles Humor Funny Used Hate Missing Like You Couple Draws I Hate Mad Fingers Accidents Stores Turkeys Groceries Messed Up Ham Grocery Stores Fellas Bologna Pastrami

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I hate arrows. They try to tell me which direction to go. It's like "I ain't going that way, line with two thirds of a triangle on the end!"”

Way Trying Two Ends Humor Funny Hate Lines Thirds I Hate Arrows Triangles

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."”

Men Said Humor Funny Hate Sex Loses Husband Beats Tennis My Husband

Author:Rita Rudner

“I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!”

Humor Funny Hate Wish Let Me I Hate Ems Ku Klux Klan

Author:Chris Rock

“The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body.”

Men Stills Body Humor Government Funny Hate Lines Alive Police Rap Ice Reports Rapper Dead Man Vanilla Chalk Biggie

Author:Chris Rock

“I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'”

People Ifs Firsts Looks Humor Funny Hate Seeing Like You Succeed I Hate Motto

Author:Demetri Martin

“You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.”

Knows Humor Funny Hate Croissants

Author:Denis Leary

“I hate sitting in traffic, because I always get run over.”

Humor Running Funny Hate Sitting I Hate Traffic

Author:Milton Jones

“I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."”

Said Humor Funny Hate Girl Morning Cry I Hate Making Love Hate You This Girl Hate Myself I Hate Myself

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“In an interview, Paris Hilton said that of her and her sister, "People love to hate us. But when you know us, you love us. And if you really get to know us, you get gonorrhea."”

People Ifs Knows Said Humor Funny Hate Paris Interviews Love Hate Gonorrhea

Author:Tina Fey

“God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. "You little fat-titted mediocre failure!" You ever do that for 3 hours on New Year's Eve.”

Years Littles Humor Funny Hate Wish Hours I Hate Mirrors Naked Fats Meat New Year Mediocre Wish You New Years Eve

Author:Jim Norton

“I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.”

Humor Kids Funny Hate Mouths I Hate

Author:Jim Norton

“For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.”

Ifs Humor Funny Hate Records I Hate Skiing Good Fun

Author:Jim Norton

“I don't smoke a lot of pot anymore. No one wants to hang around a guy who ends every sentence with, "Do you guys hate me?"”

Want Ends Humor Funny Guy Hate Sentences Smoke Pot Hate Me

Author:Mike Birbiglia

“There's not enough psychedelic stuff on TV. I want the world to be a bit weirder than it is. I hate reality, so I hate reality TV. But I love Columbo.”

World Want Enough Humor Reality Funny Hate Stuff Bits Tvs I Hate Psychedelic Reality Tv

Author:Noel Fielding

“I love being married. It's great. But I hate arguing. I hate fighting. You know what I do now? When we get in an argument, I just take her side against me. It's just easier; it goes quicker. She's like, "What's wrong with you?" And I'm like, "I know! Damn it! Argh!"”

Knows Funny Hate Fighting Sides Love Is Comedy Easier Married Argument I Hate Arguing Damn Being Married

Author:Louis C. K.

“Farrakhan got everybody together for the Million Man March and everything. But Farrakhan don't like the Jews. Which is bugged. I get my hair cut on Dekalb Avenue. I never been in a barbershop and heard a bunch of brothers talking about Jews. Black people don't hate Jews. Black people hate white people! We don't got time to dice white people up into little groups. I hate everybody! I don't care if you just got here. "Hey, I'm Romanian." "You Romanian cracker!"”

“Even hating myself I still think I'm better than you.”

Thinking Stills Funny Hate Comedy Better Than You

Author:Stephen Schneider