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Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Humorous Quotes

“... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.”

Doe Body Funny Turns Expectations Humorous Wine Bottom Glasses Excuse Noses Wine Glass Rims Great Expectations Important

Book:Great Expectations

Source: Great Expectations

“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.”

Ifs Persons Facts Body Funny Literature Humorous Witty Your Body Plates Hilarious Funny Inspirational Cholesterol Scientific Facts Body Temperature

Book:My Teenage Son's Goal in Life Is to Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old: and Other Thoughts on Parenting from Dave Barry

Source: My Teenage Son's Goal in Life Is to Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old: and Other Thoughts on Parenting from Dave Barry

“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”

Ifs Thinking Should Shows Problem Body Funny Comedy Humorous Witty Violent Shirts Over It Hilarious T Shirt Laundry

Author:Jerry Seinfeld

“I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.”

Years Two Body Humor Funny Spirit Humorous Witty New Year Tolerate Cuba Elevators New Years Eve Drinkers Martini

Author:Woody Allen

“If exposure of body is modernism, then animals are more modern than humans.”

Ifs Humans Body Funny Animal Modern Humorous Islamic Preacher Founders Exposure Muslim Modernism

Author:Zakir Naik

“Exactly. She does not shine as a wife even in her own account of what occurred. I am not a whole-souled admirer of womankind, as you are aware, Watson, but my experience of life has taught me that there are few wives having any regard for their husbands who would let any man's spoken word stand between them and that husband's dead body. Should I ever marry, Watson, I should hope to inspire my wife with some feeling which would prevent her from being walked off by a housekeeper when my corpse was lying within a few yards of her.”

Source: The Complete Sherlock Holmes: All 56 Stories & 4 Novels

“I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.”

Thinking Body Humor Funny Used Realizing Brain Wonderful Humour Humorous I Realized Comedian Irony Organs Realised

Author:Emo Philips

“I've always had a theory that some of us are born with nerve endings longer than our bodies”

Body Funny Born Theory Musician Humorous Nerves

Book:In Mad Love and War

Source: In Mad Love and War