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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“The humorous look of children is perhaps the most endearing of all the bonds that hold the Cosmos together. Their top-heavy dignity is more touching than any humility; their solemnity gives us more hope for all things than a thousand carnivals of optimism; their large and lustrous eyes seem to hold all the stars in their astonishment; their fascinating absence of nose seems to give to us the most perfect hint of the humour that awaits us in the kingdom of heaven.”

“The Church has always been willing to swap off treasures in heaven for cash down.”

Humor Funny Religion Heaven Church Atheism Willing Humorous Treasure Cash Treasures In Heaven

Book:The Works of Robert G. Ingersoll

Source: The Works of Robert G. Ingersoll

“If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.”

Ifs Humor Funny Death Dies Heaven Humorous Clever Buttons Elevators

Book:You Don't Have to Be in Who's Who to Know What's What: The Choice Wit and Wisdom of Sam Levenson

Source: You Don't Have to Be in Who's Who to Know What's What: The Choice Wit and Wisdom of Sam Levenson

“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”

Source: Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist

“Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.”

Source: Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)

“A lawyer's dream of heaven: every man reclaimed his property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.”

Men Dream Funny Heaven Humorous Property Lawyer Every Man Resurrection Forefathers

Author:Samuel Butler

“I don't believe in an afterlife, so I don't have to spend my whole life fearing hell, or fearing heaven even more. For whatever the tortures of hell, I think the boredom of heaven would be even worse.”

Thinking Life Believe Whole Would Be Heaven Hell Atheism Humorous Profound Don't Believe Atheist Whole Life Insane Bored Torture Boredom Afterlife Heaven And Hell Heaven Or Hell Heaven Hell

Author:Isaac Asimov

“If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.”

Ifs Funny Heaven Humorous Smoke Smoking Cigar Smoking Cigars Funny Smoking

Author:Mark Twain

“Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed”

May Funny Heaven Humorous Swear Swearing Profanity

Book:Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations

Source: Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations

“Grant me some wild expressions, Heavens, or I shall burst.”

Funny Heaven Expression Humorous Grants Swearing Profanity

Author:George Farquhar