Best humorous & mother Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.”

Love Funny Mother Careers Four Groups Majors Humorous Guilt Witty Secret Love Food Love

“"Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too."”

Ifs Wells Said Would Be Funny Mother Father Boys Son Humorous Aunt Well Said

Book:The Works of Charles Dickens

Source: The Works of Charles Dickens

“Nobody is excused from the excellence trend. Babies are not excused. Starting right after they get out of the womb, modern babies are exposed to instructional flashcards designed to make them the best babies they can possibly be, so they can get into today's competitive preschools. Your eighties baby sees so many flashcards that he never gets an unobstructed view of his parents' faces. As an adult, he'll carry around a little wallet card that says "7x9=63," because it will remind him of mother.”

Children Littles Humor Kids Today Funny Faces Mother Parent Views Modern Baby Humorous Adults Excellence Starting Cards Trends Exposed Womb Eighty Wallets

Author:Dave Barry

“You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.”

Inspirational Children Mother Heard Fame Humorous Parenting Motherhood Being Famous Mother And Son Mother Son

Author:Jay Leno

“My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.”

“Clearly, society has a tremendous stake in insisting on a woman's natural fitness for the career of mother: the alternatives are all too expensive.”

Mother Natural Careers Humorous Motherhood Alternatives Expensive Stakes Fitness Insisting

Book:Woman's work: the housewife, past and present

Source: Woman's work: the housewife, past and present

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”

“Motherhood is the strangest thing, it can be like being one's own Trojan horse.”

Funny Mother Humorous Horse Motherhood Trojans Trojan Horse

Author:Rebecca West

“I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?”

Littles Use Humor Funny Mother Baby Humorous Witty Tiny Chinese Sarcastic Forks Spoons Toothpicks

Author:George Carlin

“My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.”

People Knows Feels Children Used Mother Humorous Letters Parenting Motherhood Guilty Apology

Author:Joan Rivers

“Adorable children are considered to be the general property of the human race. Rude children belong to their mothers.”

Humans Children Funny Mother Race Humorous Property Human Race Rude Adorable

Book:Miss Manners' guide to rearing perfect children

Source: Miss Manners' guide to rearing perfect children

“Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother”

Ifs Mother Psychology One Thing Humorous Mental Health Nine Months

Author:Robin Williams

“I went to school, majored in theatre, and said 'Mom, I have to choose my own destiny. I want to be an actor.' A couple of weeks after I graduated college I called my mother up and said 'Can I borrow $200?' and she said 'Why don't you act like you've got $200.'”

Want Said School Funny Mother Actors My Own Acting Destiny Week College Like You Mom Couple Humorous Theatre

Author:Arsenio Hall

“Women who miscalculate are called mothers.”

Mother Family Humorous Motherhood Mothering Mother Proverbs

Author:Abigail Van Buren

“I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'”

Men Should Said Enough Helping Funny Law Mother Saws Six Humorous Neighbour In-laws Kicking Mother In Law Punching Kicking It

Author:Les Dawson

“When love is gone, there's always justice. And when justice is gone, there's always force. And when force is gone, there's always Mom. Hi, Mom!”

Love Mother Force Justice Love Is Gone Mom Humorous

Author:Laurie Anderson

“My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.”

Funny Mother Humorous Witty Actresses Frank

Author:Angie Dickinson

“Take motherhood: nobody ever thought of putting it on a moral pedestal until some brash feminists pointed out, about a century ago, that the pay is lousy and the career ladder nonexistent.”

Mother Pay Moral Careers Century Humorous Feminist Motherhood Ladders Being A Mom Pedestal Shrinking Brash

Author:Barbara Ehrenreich

“The lullaby is the spell whereby the mother attempts to transform herself back from an ogre to a saint.”

Mother Mom Humorous Saint Motherhood Spells Being A Mom Happy Mothers Day Lullaby Inspirational Mothers Mothers Day Inspirational

Author:James Fenton

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