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Should Have Quotes

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Should Have Quotes

“Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'”

Should Looks Children Sometimes Humor Funny Politics Should Have Aging My Children Virgins

Author:Lillian Gordy Carter

“Every Harvard class should have one Democrat to rescue it from oblivion.”

Should Humor Funny Party Class Republican Humorous Should Have Democrat Rescue Oblivion Harvard

Author:Will Rogers

“I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say 'I'm Stupid.' That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.”

People Way Should Humor Funny Hate Asks Stupid Should Have Rely Stupid People

Author:Bill Engvall

“I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.”

People Thinking Should Humor Funny Walks Should Have Target Entrances

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“A friend said to me, "I think the weather is trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it's the way we perceive it." And then I realized I just should have said, "Yeah."”

Thinking Men Way Should Said Humor Funny Should Have Yeah I Realized Weather Perceive Trippy

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, and it was a surprise how much cheese I had applied on each cracker. That's why they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad because it glows in the dark too.”

Ifs Should Humor Funny Night Easy Dark Rooms Middle Products Integrity Should Have Mad Surprise Boxes Versions Bus Cheese Temperature Middle Of The Night Crackers Glow In The Dark

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'”

Should Said Humor Funny Faces Dad Should Have Rubbish Hawks Blokes Slayer

Author:Bill Bailey

“A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday."”

Men Should Humor Funny Hours News Should Have Doctors Yesterday Good News Bad News

Author:Frank Carson

“It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it - The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.”

Should Helping Humor Funny Sweet Should Have Trunks Limos

Author:Steve Martin

“I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.”

Thinking Should Persons Funny Comedy Tvs Should Have Screens Buttons

Book:Napalm & Silly Putty

Source: Napalm & Silly Putty

“See, well ya see, the thing is, he should have caught that ball. But the ball is bigger than his hands.”

Should Wells Hands Funny Should Have Balls Bigger Caught Nfl

Author:John Madden

“I feel that life is short, so we should be disciplined, but at the same time we should have a good time.”

Life Feels Should Funny Life Is Should Have Good Times Life Is Short Having A Good Time

Author:Wyclef Jean

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”

“Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass.”

Want Should Firsts War Funny Known Should Have Iraq Germany Bizarre Jordan Should Have Known

Author:Jon Stewart

“Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.”

World Should Children Kids Funny Joy Realizing Born Sleep Break Should Have Parenting Terrorist Deprivation Can't Sleep Funny Sleep Sleep Deprivation Sleep Deprived

Book:Everything and a Kite

Source: Everything and a Kite

“I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.”

Thinking Should Funny Guy Black White Comedy Groups Should Have White Guys Black Guys

Author:Dave Chappelle

“A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. I reckon, he said, with a twinkle in his eye, it because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried.”

“A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed.”

Should Funny Should Have Customers Satisfied Sarcastic Towers Inspirational Customer Service Communication Problems Satisfied Customers Fawlty Towers

Book:The Complete Fawlty Towers

Source: The Complete Fawlty Towers

“Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery”

Should Enough Funny Money Should Have Plastic Surgery Plastic Surgery Funny Money Supermodel

Author:Beverly Johnson

“We are born at the rise of the curtain and we die with its fall, and every night in the presence of our patrons we write our new creation, and every night it is blotted out forever; and of what use is it to say to audience or to critic, ''Ah, but you should have seen me last Tuesday?''”

Should Writing Use Funny Lasts Night Dies Fall Actors Born Acting Audience Forever Creation Humorous Should Have Critics Every Night Curtains Tuesday Patron

Author:Micheal Mac Liammoir

“This is a good look. I'm gonna mess him up," Pattinson praises Stewart. "And I'm just like, I don't know what's going on? Where am I? I just walked out of a flower bed in this scene as well.... I was standing in the flower bed and then walked out of it and then stopped and looked confused.... If I didn't have contact lenses on, that was a really spectacular look I just did.... I should have had million thoughts, like Hamlet.”

Ifs Knows Should Wells Looks Funny Millions Flower Scene Bed Standing Should Have Praise Contact Mess Confused Looking Good Lenses Spectacular Contact Lenses

Author:Robert Pattinson