Filter quotes by topic
Famous Joan Rivers Quotes
“Life is a movie, and you're the star. Give it a happy ending.”
“I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.”
“keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.”
“In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.”
“To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.”
“Self-pity shortens your life.”
“[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.”
“I started my career in a town so small the local clinic was called Fred's Hospital and Grill.”
“Just remember: Surviving is the best revenge, no matter what the disaster has been.”
“you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.”
“Emotional troubles are like landfill. Get them outside, and the air disintegrates them.”
“Edgar had a heart attack, and I'm to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.”
“Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.”
“After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.”
“I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.”
“Everyone takes fashion so seriously! It's fashion - enjoy it!”
“Comedy is a very rough beat. It's no holds barred, as it should be.”
“Every time I get on an airplane I figure it's gonna get blown up. You live on the edge.”
“Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.”
“Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young'; it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.”
“My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.”
“Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'”
“My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.”
“I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.”
“You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.”
“What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.”