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Famous Joan Rivers Quotes
“I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.”
“I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.”
“My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.”
“At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.”
“Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones.”
“I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.”
“My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.”
“You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.”
“I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?'”
“I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.”
“Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?”