“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
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Famous Joan Rivers Quotes
“I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.”
“My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.”
“I hate thin people; 'Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?'”
“No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.”
“She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.”
“I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.”
“I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.”
“All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.”
“My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.”