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Famous Joan Rivers Quotes
“Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.”
“No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.”
“She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.”
“I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.”
“I was just reading about the new Lindsay Lohan diet, which is all liquid. 80 proof.”
“All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.”
“If I found Yoko Ono floating in my pool, I'd punish my dog.”
“I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.”
“I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.”
“Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?”
“If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.”
“I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked”
“No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.”
“I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.”
“You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.”
“When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.”
“One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.”
“I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag.”
“There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.”
“Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!”