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Abusers Quotes

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Abusers Quotes

“Playing the victim role: Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else's behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.”

PeopleLoveMindHateEvilGamesRelationshipsFreedomLibertyLearningPsychologyEmotionalEmpathyHatredAbuseAffectionManipulationNarcissismSelf KnowledgeMind ControlPsychopathVoluntaryismVictimsAbusersGaslightingAbusive RelationshipsEmpathsEmpathicPleaser
Book:In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing With Manipulative People
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“The venomous words of evil men may pierce the air, but they will never penetrate the armor of a godly woman's faith. For she stands secure in the shadow of the Almighty, her defense is Jesus, and no weapon formed against her will prosper. Their manipulative lies and accusations will rebound upon their own heads, for the Lord is her refuge and her vindicator. She will not be shaken, for her roots run deep in the love of God, and her hope is anchored in the unshakeable rock of His promises. Isaiah 54:17 - "No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me," says the Lord.”

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Author:Shaila Touchton
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“Not all generous hearts are gullible enough to be screwed by cold, calculating, business propaganda. A person who has an eye for what is right and the truth will immediately spot the cunning ways of a selfish "user and hungry grabber" who took initiative to grab the originality from other people they tried to profile, fake befriended and extracted favours." ~ Angelica Hopes, an excerpt from If I Could Tell You”

SelfishnessUsersAbusersThiefGrabber
Author:Angelica Hopes
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“From the time of the initial contact the abusive man is already beginning the abuse of the target woman. Firstly he is seeking a woman who exhibits some particular characteristics. Even before he begins to make contact with her he has already decided what sort of partner he is seeking. This decision is built on a belief that the relationship he seeks is one where he will be in charge. So it is disrespectful of these men to suggest that they are in an abusive relationship by chance. The truth is that the relationship they are in is the result of careful monitoring of the type of person they target.”

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Book:How He Gets Into Her Head: The Mind of the Male Intimate Abuser
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“When faced with choosing between attributing their pain to “being crazy” and having had abusive parents, clients will choose “crazy” most of the time. Dora, a 38-year-old, was profoundly abused by multiple family perpetrators and has grappled with cutting and eating disordered behaviors for most of her life. She poignantly echoed this dilemma in her therapy: I hate it when we talk about my family as “dysfunctional” or “abusive.” Think about what you are asking me to accept—that my parents didn't love me, care about me, or protect me. If I have to choose between "being abused" or "being sick and crazy," it's less painful to see myself as nuts than to imagine my parents as evil.”

CuttingCrazyDenialTherapyNutsAbuse SurvivorsSurvivorsAbusersDysfunctional FamiliesAbusive ParentsChild Abuse SurvivorsEating Disorder Causes
Book:Treating Self-Destructive Behaviors in Trauma Survivors: A Clinician's Guide
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“One year later the society claimed victory in another case which again did not fit within the parameters of the syndrome, nor did the court find on the issue. Fiona Reay, a 33 year old care assistant, accused her father of systematic sexual abuse during her childhood. The facts of her childhood were not in dispute: she had run away from home on a number of occasions and there was evidence that she had never been enrolled in secondary school. Her father said it was because she was ‘young and stupid’. He had physically assaulted Fiona on a number of occasions, one of which occurred when she was sixteen. The police had been called to the house by her boyfriend; after he had dropped her home, he heard her screaming as her father beat her with a dog chain. As before there was no evidence of repression of memory in this case. Fiona Reay had been telling the same story to different health professionals for years. Her medical records document her consistent reference to family problems from the age of 14. She finally made a clear statement in 1982 when she asked a gynaecologist if her need for a hysterectomy could be related to the fact that she had been sexually abused by her father. Five years later she was admitted to psychiatric hospital stating that one of the precipitant factors causing her breakdown had been an unexpected visit from her father. She found him stroking her daughter. There had been no therapy, no regression and no hypnosis prior to the allegations being made public. The jury took 27 minutes to find Fiona Reay’s father not guilty of rape and indecent assault. As before, the court did not hear evidence from expert witnesses stating that Fiona was suffering from false memory syndrome. The only suggestion of this was by the defence counsel, Toby Hed­worth. In his closing remarks he referred to the ‘worrying phenomenon of people coming to believe in phantom memories’. The next case which was claimed as a triumph for false memory was heard in March 1995. A father was aquitted of raping his daughter. The claims of the BFMS followed the familiar pattern of not fitting within the parameters of false memory at all. The daughter made the allegations to staff members whom she had befriended during her stay in psychiatric hospital. As before there was no evidence of memory repression or recovery during therapy and again the case failed due to lack of corrobo­rating evidence. Yet the society picked up on the defence solicitor’s statements that the daughter was a prone to ‘fantasise’ about sexual matters and had been sexually promiscuous with other patients in the hospital. ~ Trouble and Strife, Issues 37-43”

LawFantasyPoliceMemorySexual AbuseRapeIncestRape CultureAbusersChildhood AbusePhysical AbuseChild RapePedophileFalse MemoryFalse Memory Syndrome FoundationPaedophileBritish False Memory
Author:Trouble and Strife
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“It is morally impossible to remain neutral in this conflict. The bystander is forced to take sides. It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain. The victim demands action, engagement and remembering... In order to escape accountability for his crimes, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. Secrecy and silence are the perpetrator's first line of defense. If secrecy fails, the perpetrator attacks the credibility of his victim. If he cannot silence her absolutely, he tries to make sure that no one listens. To this end, he marshals an impressive array of arguments, from the most blatant denial to the most sophisticated and elegant rationalization. After every atrocity one can expect to hear the same predictable apologies: it never happened, the victim lies, the victim exaggerates, the victim brought it upon herself; and in any case it is time to forget the past and move on. The more powerful the perpetrator, the greater is his prerogative to name and define reality, and the more completely his arguments prevail.”

TraumaPtsdAbusersPerpetratorsRapistsBatterersChuld Abusers
Book:Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror
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“Bullies do not just wake up and decide to be one. They are people who have or are experiencing emotional or verbal abuse. All you can do is not retaliate but show them love. Doing so, allows them see what they are missing and need. You can let them see the other side of life when you show love not hurt. After all, we are all products of love and we must choose to demonstrate that above all else.”

LifePainHurtAbuseEmotional AbuseBulliedAbusiveAbusersMental AbuseBulliesAbusive RelationshipVerbal AbuseAbused WomenAbused ChildrenSelf AbuseAbusive ParentBullying Isn T RightAbusive ChildhoodAbused MenSelf HurtSelf Infliction
Author:Kemi Sogunle
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“Her eyes bled from venomous anger... Her flower had been gruesomely deflowered... Her life had slowly turned into a blunder... There was no more thinking further.... She would rather become a Foetus murderer Than end up a "hopeless" mother.... Of course, she found peace in the former Until later years of emotional trauma Oh, the foetus hunt was forever! The only thing you should abort is the thought of aborting your baby. Stop the hate and violence against innocent children.”

RealityPainRelationshipsHurtHealingResponsibilityCourageFantasyCrazyLonelinessHorrorLiesAbuseShameVictimBlameGuiltDenyBetrayalRecoveryInsaneInnocenceDenialPropagandaControlManipulationSurvivorChild AbuseDesperationSexual AbuseEmotional AbuseRapeChild Sexual AbuseAbuse SurvivorsSurvivorsAbusivePretendRitual AbuseVictimsAbusersPerpetratorsSociety DenialChildhood AbuseRitualsChild ProtectionInvalidationChild Sexual Abuse LiesInvalidateMedia DistortionsMedia CampaignTruth Violators
Author:Chinonye J. Chidolue
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“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he's not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”

NeedsGivingFeelsTryingBelieveMatterEnoughSeemsResponsibilityDemandCaughtTrapsEntitledPitsNeedyDrainedAbusersCatering
Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
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“The sense of ownership is one reason why abuse tends to get worse as relationships get more serious. The more history and commitment that develop in the couple, the more the abuser comes to think of his partner as a prized object. Possessiveness is at the core of the abuser's mindset, the spring from which all the other streams spout; on some level he feels that he owns you and therefore has the right to treat you as he sees fit.”

ThinkingFeelsReasonLevelsObjectsSeriousCoupleFitSpringCommitmentTreatsAbuseMindsetPartnersCoreReason WhyStreamsOwnershipAbusersPossessiveness
Author:Lundy Bancroft
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“It is not possible to be truly balanced in one's views of an abuser and an abused woman. As Dr. Judith Herman explains eloquently in her masterwork Trauma and Recovery, “neutrality” actually serves the interests of the perpetrator much more than those of the victim and so is not neutral. Although an abuser prefers to have you wholeheartedly on his side, he will settle contentedly for your decision to take a middle stance. To him, that means you see the couple's problems as partly her fault and partly his fault, which means it isn't abuse.”

MeanProblemWomenSidesInterestDecisionViewsImpossibleMiddleCoupleBalanceAbuseVictimFaultsTraumaRecoverySettlingBalancedDrsImpossibilityExplainingOppressorsEloquentStanceNeutralityAbusersPerpetratorsWholeheartedlyAbusive RelationshipAbused WomenRelationship ProblemWeak Women
Book:Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
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“One of the obstacles to recognizing chronic mistreatment in relationships is that most abusive men simply don't seem like abusers. They have many good qualities, including times of kindness, warmth, and humor, especially in the early period of a relationship. An abuser's friends may think the world of him. He may have a successful work life and have no problems with drugs or alcohol. He may simply not fit anyone's image of a cruel or intimidating person. So when a woman feels her relationship spinning out of control, it is unlikely to occur to her that her partner is an abuser.”

ThinkingMenWorldFeelsMayPersonsProblemSeemsQualityKindnessSuccessfulPeriodsFitDrugIncludingObstaclesAlcoholPartnersWarmthRecognizingNo ProblemUnlikelySpinningIntimidatingAbusiveGood QualityAbusersMistreatmentSuccessful WorkSpinning Out Of Control
Author:Lundy Bancroft
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“Objectification is a critical reason why an abuser tends to get worse over time. As his conscience adapts to one level of cruelty-he builds to the next. By depersonalizing his partner, the abuser protects himself from the natural human emotions of guilt and empathy, so that he can sleep at night with a clear conscience. He distances himself so far from her humanity that her feelings no longer count, or simply cease to exist.”

HumansReasonFeelingsNightHumanityNextNaturalSleepLevelsEmotionClearProtectEmpathyConscienceDistanceGuiltCriticalPartnersCeaseCrueltyReason WhyHuman EmotionsAbusersObjectificationClear Conscience
Author:Lundy Bancroft
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“Marijuana is not addictive. People are the addicts and they will find a substance or a belief that will feed the addiction they need to make their day go away. Meaning one looks for a substance that allows them not to live with who and what they really are. To stop addiction we must treat the patient and stop blaming everyone and everything else but the abuser.”

PeopleNeedsLooksBeliefTreatsBlamePatientAddictionSubstanceGoing AwayMarijuanaAddictAbusers
Author:Steven Machat
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“I use my work as catharsis. That's often the best thing that we can do, is to allow ourselves to rage because it's so rare that we get to. We're told to forgive - I don't want to! I don't want to forgive my abuser! I don't care to and I don't like that assumption that forgiveness makes me a better person. It's not authentic to me, my feelings and what I need. But everyone has their own way.”

WayWantNeedsPersonsUseFeelingsCareCan DoForgivingDon't CareRageI Don't CareBest ThingsAssumptionBetter PersonCatharsisAbusers
Author:Margaret Cho
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“When someone comes under abuse or attack a characteristic response is to blame yourself, especially if you are locked into a relationship of being attacked regularly, and making apologies for your abuser. It actually affects Christians living in Islamic circumstances more, and one Palestinian Christian spoke about that problem of needing to defend Islam in order to protect yourself.”

IfsProblemChristianOrderCircumstancesProtectAbuseBlameResponseIslamCharacteristicsIslamicSpokesApologyLockedPalestinianAbusersProtect Yourself
Author:Mark Durie
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“Some of the folks we see are in for defending themselves against their abusers, or drug charges that, because of the California state prison system, they have mandatory sentencing and life in prison for three counts of simple drug possession, or whatever. I find it not only helpful but, I think, necessary in maintaining my grounding and my perspective. Because music is such an unrealistic job to have. It's a really lucky job to have, but it's also very unrealistic.”

ThinkingStatesJobsThreeSimplePerspectiveDrugLuckyMusic IsPrisonFolksPossessionCaliforniaHelpfulMaintainingAbusersGroundingPrison System
Author:Thao Nguyen
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