Comedy Quotes
Browse 5773 quotes about Comedy.
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Comedy Quotes
“You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.”
“I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.”
“If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.”
“If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.”
“When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.”
“I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.”
“Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.”
“The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.”
“You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.”
“I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.”
“I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.”
“I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.”
“I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.”
“I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.”