J.S. Mason Quotes

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Famous J.S. Mason Quotes

“it’s three strikes and you’re out of the union”

Funny Groups Baseball Unions Witty Strikes Clever Employment Togetherness Organizations

Book:The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

Source: The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

“I’d normally spare you the details, but that would kind of defeat the purpose of writing a story.”

Humor Funny Humorous Witty Clever Satire Insightful Narrator Snarky Fourth Wall

Book:The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

Source: The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

“The pair of them were both sans socks so beneath their footwear they were matching and going toe-to-toe.”

Humor Funny Feet Witty Clever Toes Whimsical Footwear Socks

Book:Whisky Hernandez

Source: Whisky Hernandez

“Her guts told her that something was amiss. Alexandra only spoke to her intestines once in a while, so she wasn’t sure if they were to be trusted.”

Funny Doubt Witty Intuition Clever Uncertainty Skepticism Sixth Sense Instincts Gut Instincts

Book:The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

Source: The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

“Many items the skunk had were of the highest quality including bathroom vanities and hand and paw washing areas constructed by Finland’s well-known designer, Helsinki.”

Humor Funny Humorous Witty Clever Designer High Quality Finland Designers Skunk

Book:A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

Source: A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“was in everyday attire with sand-colored jeans and a denim-blue buttoned-down shirt with his lean muscles defined underneath and exposed with his rolled-up sleeves. His tannish skin was peppered with freckles and he was bestowed with a natural rouge on his face; matched with his dry wavy dirty blonde hair he looked like a scarecrow that had given up the farm in favor of greener racing pastures.”

Funny Humorous Witty Clever Hilarious Farm Whimsical Freckles Scarecrow Denim

Book:Whisky Hernandez

Source: Whisky Hernandez

“And the emu, not standing up to the cassowary, accompanied the cassowary on their continued journey of the safari, never to return because a zebra herd trapped them back into pre-color television times indefinitely.”

Funny Journey Television Witty Clever Zebras Safari Ostrich Emu Cassowary

Book:The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

Source: The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

“this Mime here said to the others 'I wouldn’t talk if I were you' before their exam.”

Humor Funny Humorous Witty Wit Silly Clever Mime Exams Mimes

Book:A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

Source: A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“much like a when a bullfighter comes home he struts through the matadoor”

Humor Funny Humorous Witty Wit Clever Absurd Quirky Bullfighting Matador

Book:A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

Source: A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“The vet was open this late, because he needed the business and the money to keep the “not closed” sign lit.”

Funny Witty Medical Clever Evening Quirky Nighttime Veterinarian Vet

Book:The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

Source: The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

“Au contraire, and because I said that, that makes me French, unlike the Englishman at a Paris auction house who raised his '3' paddle after a Frenchman yelled, 'I bid you adieu.”

Funny Travel Witty Clever Paris Tourists French English Wordplay Auction

Book:The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

Source: The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

“There was an excitability about him that seemed it could dissipate at any moment as though he were Christmas in July but rather than sporting holiday cheer and sparkling fireworks, he offered the showing of amateur eggnog hangover and explanations about the lack of permits to the fire department.”

Funny Humorous Witty Clever Christmas Hilarious July Fireworks Whimsical Eggnog

Book:Whisky Hernandez

Source: Whisky Hernandez

“My genetics have been in my family for generations.”

Funny Science Family Witty Clever Biology Genetics Ancestry Descendants Geneology

Book:The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

Source: The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

“They also spent time relaying ancestors’ stories including the Stone Age Kentucky Derby, where saber tooth tigers raced and the haughty humans watched and drank their flint juleps.”

Humor Funny Humorous Witty Alcohol Ancestors Stone Age Kentucky Derby Mixed Drink Saber Toothed Tiger

Book:A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

Source: A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“He had been shuffled out so quickly he didn’t even realize what he was wearing, like a King of Spades who wanted to file a complaint to the playing card company manufacturer for not drawing him a garden tool like he specifically asked for.”

Funny Humorous Witty Complaining Clever Cards Gardening King Quirky Playing Cards

Book:The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

Source: The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

“vanilla, chocolate, strawberry (for some unfair reason according to strawberry it is always third in that list)”

Funny Witty Clever Chocolate Unfair Ice Cream Strawberries Unfairness Vanilla Strawberry

Book:A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

Source: A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“He threw caution to the wind. Caution was not too fond of the wind and would later seek revenge on him for this treacherous debauchery.”

Humor Witty Silly Clever Absurd Odd Whimsical Wacky Nonsensical Personification

Book:The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

Source: The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable Stories

“male seahorse, complaining and nagging and wondered why those two verbs are deemed feminine and attributed to female behavior when males are capable of and do that just as often”

Funny Feminism Behavior Humorous Witty Complaining Clever Femininity Masculine Seahorses

Book:A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

Source: A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“which when compounded with the straw he was using to take intermittent sips with from his drink, conjured up an image of him as a real-life toy heat engine drinking bird that appears in science classes.”

Humor Funny Science Humorous Witty Clever Heat Birds Straws Whimsical

Book:Whisky Hernandez

Source: Whisky Hernandez

“He too was running off, but it was in the direction of the barn, and he was making a case for not being a jockey but a racing equine himself.”

Humor Funny Humorous Witty Clever Racing Horses Equine Jockey Barn

Book:Whisky Hernandez

Source: Whisky Hernandez

“which was so easy a staples button could do it”

Humor Funny Fun Humorous Witty Clever Absurd Buttons Commercial Office Supplies

Book:A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

Source: A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“He swam past the prawn broker shop which sold used fish”

Funny Sea Ocean Humorous Witty Clever Absurd Swimming Fish Pawn Shop

Book:A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

Source: A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“The ibex ran off with her neighbor, after five days, to do some environmental and social reform campaigning in the Mexican mountains hoping to see some casaba melons, as well as houses for sheep, and informed the penguin he would do well.”

Funny Fruit Witty Clever Sheep Mountains Wordplay Houses Melons Ibex

Book:The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

Source: The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

“When the defense attorney finished her opening statement, which included a lot of body movement due to the fact that the bar exam that she passed only included limbo references”

Funny Fun Dancing Dance Witty Clever Lawyers Limbo Bar Exam Opening Statement

Book:A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

Source: A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“as her marriage was on the rocks and thin ice simultaneously, which surprisingly the latter is not verbiage for alcohol lingo, unlike the former, which is.”

Humor Funny Marriage Rocks Humorous Witty Divorce Alcohol Clever Ice

Book:A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

Source: A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

“but the Mime protested without talking and that were the kind of activists the racist misogynist homophobic xenophobic non-claustrophobic because he worked in a nightclub owner preferred as he agreed everyone had a voice as long as they didn’t speak with it.”

Funny Racism Humorous Witty Activism Clever Misogyny Homophobia Xenophobia Mimes

Book:A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

Source: A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious Bites

About the Author

Known for: Author
Quotes: 77

Books & Sources

A Dragon, A Pig, and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar...and other Rambunctious BitesRelated source material

The Satyrist...And Other Scintillating TreatsRelated source material

Whisky HernandezRelated source material

The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand DelightsRelated source material

The Stork Ate My Brother...And Other Totally Believable StoriesRelated source material