“Metaphysics is the science of proving what we don't understand.”
Source: Uncle Sam&s uncle Josh
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Famous Josh Billings Quotes
“Poverty is one of them kind of misfortunes that we all of us dread but none of us pity.”
Source: Everybody's Friend, Or Josh Billing's Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor
Source: Everybody's Friend, Or Josh Billing's Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor
“The morning paper is just as necessary for an American as dew is to the grass.”
“There are very few good judges of humor, and they don't agree.”
“Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do.”
“Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.”
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.”
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.”
“There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.”
“Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.”
Source: Everybody's Friend, Or Josh Billing's Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor
“Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.”
“Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.”
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
“There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.”
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
“The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.”
“There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.”
“The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.”
“Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense.”
Source: Uncle Sam&s uncle Josh
“One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.”
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
“Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.”
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
“Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.”
“The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.”
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
“There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.”
“As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.”
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
“Advice is like castor oil — easy enough to give but dreadful hard to take.”
“Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.”
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
“Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.”
“Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.”
“Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.”
“Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.”
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
“Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.”
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
“Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.”
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
“There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.”
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
Source: Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh: Or, Josh Billings on Practically Everything, Distilled from Josh's Rum and Tansy New England Wit by Donald Day
“As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.”
“Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return.”
“A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.”
“A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.”