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Famous Mitch Hedberg Quotes
“I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.”
“I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.”
“If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.”
“I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."”
“I tried to freshen up a room, so I held a Certs in front of a fan.”
“When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.”
“A fly was very close to being called a land, because that's what it does half the time.”
“I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.”
“I had the cab driver drive me here backwards, and the dude owed me $27.50.”