“If you want to talk to me after the show, I'd be surprised.”
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Famous Mitch Hedberg Quotes
“If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here!"”
“Yeah, I'm not into sports. If someone told me I had athlete's foot, I'd say that's not my foot!”
“I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.”
“I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.”
“Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.”
“What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.”
“I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.”
“I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.”