“Confound these ancestors... They've stolen our best ideas!”
Humor Quotes
Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.
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Humor Quotes
“New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.”
Source: Late night with David Letterman: the book
“I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.”
“If I like it, I say it's mine. If I don't I say it's a fake.”
“Well, I have one consolation. No candidate was ever elected ex-president by such a large majority!”
Source: The wit of Peter Ustinov
“'I will not stand for being called a woman in my own house' she said.”
“He hasn't an enemy in the world, and none of his friend like him.”
“Being sued by your own record company, that's even better than receiving a Grammy”
Source: The Good Life According to Hemingway
“... some of the best sex I can barely remember.”
Source: My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
“The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack.”
“Why would you go out and not drink? Just stay home and sit there.”
“I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.”
“That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.”
“But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.”
“A feminist jumps out of a manhole - oh, and she didn't like that.”
“How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!”
“People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'”