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Humor Quotes

Browse 16077 quotes about Humor.

Humor Quotes

“It is a difficult thing to like anybody else's ideas of being funny.”

Ideas Humor Difficult Difficult Things Being Funny

Book:Everybody's Autobiography

Source: Everybody's Autobiography

“I want to make it clear to people that the idea of putting subliminable messages into ads is ridiculous.”

People Want Ideas Humor Political Clear Messages Ridiculous Ads Political Humor

Author:George W. Bush

“For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure I want to be cruising around a mall parking lot filled with a thousand mini-Hindenburgs.”

Want Needs Ideas Humor Funny Car Products Thousand Filled Oil Not Sure Malls Parking Hydrogen Parking Lot Hindenburg

Author:Dennis Miller

“I knew nothing about farce until I read Puce a l'Oreille, and had no idea what a deadly serious business it is.”

Ideas Humor Funny Serious No Idea Farce Serious Business

Book:CLINGING TO THE WRECKAGE

Source: CLINGING TO THE WRECKAGE

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

“I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I had no idea which joke I was telling. So I told jokes twice. I even told that one twice.”

Ideas Humor Funny Lasts Night Jokes No Idea Thank God Speakers Last Night

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That's simple. 14 year old boys working twelve hour days? "Yeah, but they're comfortable!"”

Years Ideas Humor Funny Hours Simple Boys Air Comfortable Yeah Twelve Conditioning Air Conditioning Sweatshops

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Confound these ancestors... They've stolen our best ideas!”

Ideas Humor Funny Ancestor Stolen

Author:Ben Jonson

“I have no idea why gay men love me, but I would have to assume it's because they know how much I love the gays! Everyone needs a good gay man in their life.”

Knows Men Needs Ideas Humor Funny Know How Gay Assuming No Idea Gay Men

Author:Chelsea Handler

“I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people.”

People Ideas Humor Funny Offers Pork Business Ideas Kosher

Author:David Cross

“If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.”

Ifs Ideas Humor Might Funny Courses Meals Redneck Buckets You Might Be A Redneck If Kfc

Author:Jeff Foxworthy

“He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.”

Ideas Humor Funny Grows Growing Up South No Idea

Author:Fred Allen

“Every now and then I'll read a book, I'll be so proud of myself, I'll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, "Hey Jim, how ya do-" "I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages!" "That's great, what was it about?" "No idea! Took me three years!"”

People Trying Years Two Book Ideas Humor Funny Three Proud Conversation Pages Hundred Hey No Idea Fifty Three Years Now And Then Proud Of Myself

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“I was looking at a bottle of water; they have nutritional facts printed on the side. You know, I'm no chemist, but I have a rough idea what's in water.”

Knows Ideas Facts Humor Funny Sides Water Rough Bottles Printed Chemist

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A.”

Ifs Needs Feels Ideas Humor Funny Hours Doctors Setting Settings Diamond

Author:Rita Rudner

“I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.”

Ideas Humor Funny Guy House Voice Hours Party Imagine Crazy Thousand Hundred Lonely Radio Good Times Roof Soothing Talk Radio Stacking Stir Crazy

Author:Adam Carolla

“I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.”

Ifs Ideas Humor Funny Sky Walking Moon Fellows Stranger Evening No Idea

Author:Chic Murray

“I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, 'Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I'm home?' And my mother said, 'You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.' And I said, 'Yes, but you see, I've reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?'”

Thinking Said Ideas Whole Home Humor Funny Used Mother Guy Talking My Family Planning Accents Illinois

Author:Natasha Leggero