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Humorous Quotes

Browse 3047 quotes about Humorous.

Humorous Quotes

“The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.”

Giving Running Chance Humorous Reaching Strings Dozen Vacuums Examining

Author:Rich Hall

“If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it.”

Ifs Giving Sides Chance Issues Humorous Vote Congress Both Sides

Author:Les Aspin

“Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips. I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one.”

“It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?”

Hard Humor Funny Politics Work Chance Figures Hard Work Humorous Luck Lazy Laziness Hilarious Indolence Funny Work Being Lazy Lazy Man Famous Hard Working

Book:Speaking my mind: selected speeches

Source: Speaking my mind: selected speeches

“I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.”

Sex Chance Powerful Missing Television Humorous Witty Sexuality Gore

Author:Gore Vidal

“If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.”

Ifs Inspirational Children Funny Parent Chance Humorous Reincarnation Chances Are Moron

Author:Dick Cavett

“Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut.”

Chance Missing Mouths Humorous

Author:Robert Newton Peck

“On second thought, I think I am more crazy than my goat.”

Thinking Funny Chance Crazy Humorous Madness Mad Insane Painter Insanity Second Chance Anarchist Goats Craziness Being Crazy Second Thoughts Crazy Girl

Author:Remedios Varo

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”

“Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn't do something it oughtn't to a doctor should be called in at once.”

Ifs Giving Should Children Humor Kids Funny Chance Baby Humorous Fairs Doctors Average

Book:The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow

Source: The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow

“A fool must now and then be right, by chance”

Truth Chance Fool Intellectual Humorous Intelligence Folly Statistics Now And Then Fools And Wise

Author:William Cowper

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”

“You know the one thing that's wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say.”

Knows Country Funny Chance One Thing Stupid Humorous Fairs

Author:William J. Clinton

“Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?”

Humor Funny Work Chance Laughter Humorous Witty Cleaning Hilarious Funny Inspirational Take A Chance Housework Housekeeping Household Chores Spring Cleaning

Book:Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy

Source: Like a Lampshade in a Whorehouse: My Life in Comedy