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Trauma Quotes

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Trauma Quotes

“We've got this idea that there are only two options in grief: you're either going to be stuck in your pain, doomed to spend the rest of your life rocking in a corner in your basement wearing sackcloth, or you're going to triumph over grief, be transformed, and come back even better than you were before. Just two options. On, off. Eternally broken or completely healed. It doesn't seem to matter that nothing else in life is like that. Somehow when it comes to grief, the entire breadth of human experience goes out the window.”

“It's like being numb most of the time,” she tried to explain, tried to calm herself down by putting words to feelings. “Everything feels gray, but when I do feel something, it's like I feel it more than most people and it hurts—it hurts me, personally, like the pain was made for me in mind. And suddenly—numb doesn't feel so bad.”

“Generally the rational brain can override the emotional brain, as long as our fears don’t hijack us. (For example, your fear at being flagged down by the police can turn instantly to gratitude when the cop warns you that there’s an accident ahead.) But the moment we feel trapped, enraged, or rejected, we are vulnerable to activating old maps and to follow their directions. Change begins when we learn to "own" our emotional brains. That means learning to observe and tolerate the heartbreaking and gut-wrenching sensations that register misery and humiliation. Only after learning to bear what is going on inside can we start to befriend, rather than obliterate, the emotions that keep our maps fixed and immutable.”

“First, the physiological symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder have been brought within manageable limits. Second, the person is able to bear the feelings associated with traumatic memories. Third, the person has authority over her memories; she can elect both to remember the trauma and to put memory aside. Fourth, the memory of the traumatic event is a coherent narrative, linked with feeling. Fifth, the person's damaged self-esteem has been restored. Sixth, the person's important relationships have been reestablished. Seventh and finally, the person has reconstructed a coherent system of meaning and belief that encompasses the story of trauma.”

“In situations of captivity the perpetrator becomes the most powerful person in the life of the victim, and the psychology of the victim is shaped by the actions and beliefs of the perpetrator.”

“Even if everyone knows her story, no one really knows how she feels. It pours out now: her rage, her shame, her guilt-- it still lingers. But with the telling comes a sense of empowerment. She has no culpability in the Brijee matter. None, other than being naive and being a woman. During the inquiry she had tapped into the righteousness that was her due; she slapped down the least suggestion that she might be a fault. She had learned a lesson: to show weakness, to be tearful or shattered didn't serve her. One shouldn't just hope to be treated well: one must insist on it.”

“When she did, he took them to his room. He helped her shower and wipe the makeup off her face. He did her skincare for her after having memorized it from watching her get ready all those times. He brushed her hair and found her favorite pair of pajamas. He helped her into bed and then ordered her favorite pasta from a place in the city. He watched the stupid vampire romance movies she was obsessed with and rubbed her back until she fell asleep.”

“A common theme for heterosexual Black women participating in our healing circles and communal dialogue is that when they begin to unpack long-unaddressed trauma, they often find the root of that trauma in a man—either her father / father figure growing up or a man with whom she had a romantic relationship. That realization is both enlightening and deeply painful, as many of us have wanted nothing more in our quest for love and security than to be seen, heard, and protected by our Black men.”

“An important part of the unlearning phase is to affirm your own truths. Seek deeper understanding and solace for your own healing by creating emotional distance from your parents' response, acknowledging your different perspectives, and offering them forgiveness and understanding that they truly may have done the best they could with the tools they had.”

“Healing doesn’t always sound like a breakthrough. Sometimes it whispers in small, quiet choices no one else will ever notice.”