“The goals for me have changed somewhat. There's a bit of seduction to the idea of being on network, but it got to the point where that wasn't important. What's important is doing something worthwhile. Which is why I've always avoided being on a sitcom. Yeah, it's high-profile and it's on a network, but you know what? You could be on Suddenly Stewart.” KnowsImportantIdeasBitsGoalChangedYeahWorthwhileSeductionAvoidedProfileWhat's ImportantSitcomHigh Profile Author:Jon Stewart
“Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, "fair and balanced? Why, that's snide!" Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan "You Can Depend on CNN". Guess what? I watch it, no you can't. So what's the difference?” KnowsHandsUsedDifferencesWatchesDependsNewsFairsOkayYeahBalancedFoxesSlogansNot FairCnnFox News Author:Jon Stewart
“Cause if you're a transvestite, you're actually a male tomboy, that's where the sexuality is. Yeah, it's not drag queen, no; gay men have got that covered. This is male tomboy, and people do get that mixed up, they put transvestite there - no no no no! Little bit of a crowbar separation, thank you! And gay men, I think, would agree. It's male lesbian, that's really where it is, ok? Because... it's true! 'Cause most transvestites fancy girls, fancy women. So that's where it is.” PeopleIfsThinkingMenLittlesGirlCausesBitsGayLittle BitAgreeYeahMalesSexualitySeparationQueensFancyCoveredDragGay MenDrag QueenTransvestites Author:Eddie Izzard
“I'm very religious, you know. Now, OK, if by 'religious', you mean that I go to church every Sunday, read the bible faithfully, and I listen to Debbie Boone, umm, I'm not religious in that sense... But if by 'religious' you mean that I love others and try to help them whenever possible... Again, no. But if by 'religious' you mean that I like to eat coleslaw... Yeah, OK, OK!” IfsKnowsTryingMeanHelpingChurchReligiousYeahSunday Author:Emo Philips
“There's been so much talk in the news lately about illegal aliens in the workplace. When was the last time an illegal alien stole your job? Oh yeah, that dream job of the Chinese Delivery man pedaling up Broadway delivering Chinese food for 40 cents an hour, or on the back of a landscaping truck with 15 others.” MenDreamJobsLastsHoursNewsYeahAliensChineseIllegalCentsLast TimeWorkplaceBroadwayTruckDeliveryDeliveringIllegal AliensChinese FoodDream JobLandscaping Author:Greg Giraldo
“I look for women I know are gonna bust me up good. Come on, man, who can resist that? Who can resist that emotional pain? Yeah, they all have the same line, they're so sweet: I'm not gonna hurt you like all the others. Really I'm not. I'm gonna introduce you to a whole new level of pain!” KnowsMenLooksWholePainHurtLinesLevelsEmotionalSweetYeahIntroducingEmotional Pain Author:Sam Kinison
“She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. Luckily when you're the guy, you can just tell people she's crazy. 'Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up.' 'Yeah, man. Turns out, she's crazy.' That's what they always do on Entourage.” PeopleMenGuyTurnsHeardCrazyYeahHeyBrokeTomsLucyBroke UpEntourage Author:Aziz Ansari
“Stand-up comedy - I love this job, and I gotta tell you, folks - knock wood - it's been working. 'Cause I was one of those kind of people, even when I had a regular job, I couldn't even call in sick right. You know, I was like, 'Hello? Yeah, I can't come in today. I have scurvy.” PeopleKnowsKindI CanTodayJobsCausesComedySickYeahFolksWoodsHelloStand Up Comedy Author:Carol Leifer
“Oh, this is fun - went to a nude beach for the first time. Yeah, that's what I thought. You ever been to a nude beach? Thought it would be all sexy and hot. Oh my God, what a flubber fest! Everybody who shouldn't be naked is naked - didn't make me want to take off my clothes, made me want to take out my contacts.” WantFirstsMadeWould BeFunClothesFirst TimeHotYeahSexyNakedContactBeach Author:Carol Leifer
“Women in the workplace - we still have big strides to make. Girlfriend of mine just got a new job. First question the new boss asked her was if she could make a good cup of coffee... Yeah, she stormed right out of that Starbucks.” IfsFirstsStillsBigsJobsMinesYeahCoffeeCupsGirlfriendBossWorkplaceStrideCoffee CupNew JobStarbucks Author:Carol Leifer
“When do we put on the lingerie? Always at the beginning of the relationship - first couple of months, strutting around the bedroom wearing a teddy. Yeah, six months later, you've stopped shaving your legs and you look like a teddy.” FirstsLooksMonthsCoupleSixYeahLegsBedroomSix MonthsTeddyShavingLingerieStrutting Author:Carol Leifer
“I'm in a new club, by the way. And I don't know if you're first timers like I am, but I'm in the 'I Just Dropped My Cell Phone In My Own Piss' Club. Have you done that? Yeah, good times. I'm on the phone and I forget that I'm using shoulder technique. Urinals were taken so I went in to use the regular john. And as I'm standing there, mid-conversation, I'm like 'Are you serious?' and it just started to toboggan right down my powerful chest.” IfsKnowsWayFirstsDoneUseMy OwnForgetPowerfulTakenSeriousConversationFirst TimeStandingYeahPhonesClubsTechniqueShouldersCellsGood TimesChestsCell PhoneStanding ThereTimer Author:Dane Cook
“I can't relate to the idea of suicide. I guess I'm just one of those people that is always optimistic and upbeat. But one day, I sat down. I said 'You know what? Just to kind of purge myself, I want to see what its like to feel that low'. So I decided to write a suicide note. Yeah, just to kinda flush it out there and put it on a page. And I started to do this, and I had an epiphany. I'll share this with you: a suicide note that is written by somebody that is not suicidal is called an autobiography. I am on Chapter 58.” PeopleKnowsWantFeelsWritingKindSaidI CanIdeasWrittenShareOne DayPagesLowsDecidedYeahSuicideNotesOptimisticRelateSatJust OneChaptersAutobiographySuicidalEpiphanyUpbeatSuicide Note Author:Dane Cook
“We never had a pool, right. So one summer, I remember. My dad, to make me happy. You know I was bummed out cause we didn't have the pool. So one summer he bought us this thing. It was yellow, you laid it on the lawn, sprayed it with the water, run across. Slip n' Slide. Yeah. Would have been fun if dad checked for rocks before he laid it down! Slip n' Bleed from the anus they should have called this ride.” IfsKnowsShouldHas BeensRunningRememberFunCausesWaterRocksDadSummerShould HaveYeahMy DadYellowPoolSlipsSlidesLawnsMake Me HappyBummed OutAnus Author:Dane Cook
“They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.” LittlesSchoolUsedJesusNiceBeatsYeahSundaySunday School Author:Dane Cook
“There's been times when I have actually had sex indoors. And then you kind of sober up a little when it's over. I become like a bartender at 2 AM. OK, people, let's move it out! Yeah, you don't have to go home but you can't stay here.” PeopleKindLittlesHomeMovingSexYeahSoberBartenderSober Up Author:Janeane Garofalo
“I've learned a lot about women. I think I've learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we'll never age, we'll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them. And Eve said, Yeah... it's just not enough is it?” ThinkingMenSaidEnoughDreamAgeDiesFallOne DayGardenYeahInstantI've LearnedWowAdamDreams Come TrueOur DreamsEdenAdam And EveGarden Of EdenOne With NatureFall Of Man Author:Bill Hicks
“I went skiing today, too, yeah. I didn't wanna go. The girl I'm stalking wanted to go, so... I'm not kiddin!” TodayWantedGirlYeahStalkingSkiing Author:Dave Attell
“[Thelonious] Monk is a subject in itself. I mean, most piano players in most big bands sit down and they play with the band, you know. But Monk would just sit there like this. And all of a sudden there'd be a pause from all the trumpets and everything and Monk would go 'plink!' like that. And everybody would go 'Yeah!” KnowsMeanPlayBigsPlayerSubjectsBandDown AndYeahPianoPausesMonkTrumpets Author:Ray Brown
“Yeah, "Wacko Jacko". Where'd that come from? Some English tabloid. I have a heart and I have feelings, I feel that, when you do that to me. It's not nice.” FeelsHeartFeelingsNiceYeahTabloids Author:Michael Jackson
“There are plans for a new high-speed train between Los Angeles and San Francisco. It will make the trip time 30 minutes. People in L.A. are like, Yes! And people in San Francisco are like, Yeah, sure, great. We look forward to seeing you.” PeopleLooksPlansSeeingMinutesYeahTrainSpeedLos AngelesSan FranciscoHigh Speed Author:Craig Ferguson
“Yeah, you can explore a lot more. Every one of the storylines is multi-faceted, so there are so many directions that it can go. It makes each episode so interesting.” InterestingYeahEpisodesStoryline Author:Mireille Enos
“Hollywood is just so strange. It's like, everyone has a whole bunch of stuff boiling away and whichever one happens first, happens. That one, we're still in the process of, you know, trying to write the script. So, it's still very early stages at this point. Yeah.” KnowsWritingTryingFirstsStillsWholeHappensStuffProcessStageStrangeHollywoodYeahScriptsBunchBoiling Author:James Wan
“Um, the relationship between Thor and Sif in this movie is quite platonic. I mean, they're good buddies, they've grown up with each other, they're warriors, they fight side by side. We haven't take it to the next level yet. I'm going to throw that in there. But yeah, she kind of thinks he's a little bit pig-headed, but she loves him nevertheless, you know, she's like that's my buddy, I'll do what I can for him.” ThinkingKnowsKindMeanLittlesI CanFightingNextBitsSidesLevelsHavensLittle BitYeahWarriorPigsNeverthelessBuddyNext LevelPlatonic Author:Jaimie Alexander
“I think all the fight stuff. I'm cut out for that. I used to wrestle in high school so I really love it, yeah. I love all the fighting and martial arts. Hey, why am I not up there? Oh, it's just a rehearsal. Keep going.” ThinkingArtSchoolUsedFightingStuffCuttingHigh SchoolYeahHeyMartial ArtsKeep GoingRehearsal Author:Jaimie Alexander
“Yeah, it's scary. During filming, it wasn't just jitters from being the newer guy there or the greenest guy there. It was also fear of not messing up such an important character.” ImportantCharacterGuyYeahScaryMessing UpJitters Author:Steven Yeun
“Yeah, it's been pretty gnarly. It's fun. It can only be fun, unless you're really squirmy about that. Honestly, during that guts episode, they didn't tell Andrew and I anything. They just put trenchcoats on us and said, "All right, just stand right here and we're going to put this stuff on you."” SaidFunStuffYeahHonestlyGutsEpisodesAndrewGnarly Author:Steven Yeun
“Literally, walking down that path. I was walking to work and I passed by A.C.T. (American Conservatory Theater) in San Francisco, and they had night education classes for adults. I said, "Yeah, why not?," and walked in, just for the fun of it, to see what it was like.” SaidNightFunClassPathWalkingAdultsTheaterYeahWhy NotSan FranciscoConservatory Author:Tim Kang
“Organized, yeah. And those who are so sure that their God is the right God that they believe it's ok to kill another person who doesn't believe in their God.” BelievePersonsYeahOrganized Author:Rachel Weisz
“I would LOVE to be in the Star Trek sequel! Yeah! I would love to! I better write that letter to J.J.[Abrahams]” WritingStarsLettersYeahAbrahamSequels Author:Rachel Weisz
“Um, yeah, it's one of the things that you kind of have to accept at the very beginning, like I'm not going to try and be super [deep?] factor and no, I can only do it this way, because that's just not how this film's going to work. Like it's got to be sort of a mesh of reality and complete unreality and you kind of have to accept that and go with it.” WayTryingKindI CanRealityFilmAcceptingYeahFactorsGoing To WorkUnrealityMesh Author:Mary Elizabeth Winstead
“I feel like it's so, sort of representative of a generation. I mean everything that they talk about in the books are things that I get. Even like a lot of the Canadian references because I've worked in Canada a lot, so I totally know Sloan and I know, you know, all this stuff, and meeting Chris Murphy was really cool, and yeah, everything.” KnowsFeelsMeanBookStuffGenerationsYeahMeetingsCanadaRepresentativesReally CoolMurphy Author:Mary Elizabeth Winstead
“Yeah, we've become really good friends. Our characters start dating in the book, and um, yeah, I think we - and we made up little back stories to our characters and little outtakes that we'd bring up to Edgar as a joke, and you know, kind of see different sides of stuff. So yeah, we have a really good time.” ThinkingKnowsKindLittlesMadeBookDifferentCharacterStoriesStuffSidesJokesDatingYeahGood TimesGood FriendDifferent SidesReally Good Friends Author:Johnny Simmons
“And so getting to meet Aubrey Plaza and Mae Whitman and getting to know two awesome girls who are just kick-ass. It's been nice that way where we probably wouldn't have worked together on any other crazy project. And just like you know Chris Evans teaching us all the high-five because he's dealing with like non-jocks (laughter) and we're like yeah!” KnowsWayTwoTogetherGirlFiveNiceCrazyTeachingLike YouProjectsLaughterYeahAssKicksKick AssJocksMae Author:Alison Pill
“But having said that, regardless to what reviews come out whatever, I like love the movie. I think it's great, and so people can think what they think about it, but I'm very happy with what we did. I'm really proud of whatever all the actors what we all kind of accomplished and so regardless of how well it does or whatever I'm very excited about it and I think we set out to do the thing and accomplished what we wanted to do. Our goal was met, so yeah.” PeopleThinkingWellsKindDoeSaidWantedActorsGoalProudMetsYeahExcitedAll KindsAccomplishedReviewsVery HappyLike Love Author:Nicholas Stoller
“And also, I'm most comfortable with like two people just sitting and talking about their feeling, you know, in a room with like two cameras and that's it. And I wanted to do something where there was like action and running and you know crowd scenes and big set pieces and certainly did a lot of that, so yeah.” PeopleKnowsTwoFeelingsBigsRunningActionWantedRoomsTalkingPiecesSceneComfortableSittingCamerasYeahCrowds Author:Nicholas Stoller
“And then afterwards I worked in advertising for a year which taught me about writing even when you don't want to (laughter) because there's never a moment that you want to write about an Erickson cell phone but you have to. And that's really important you know obviously for the...like if you really want to write, you have to write every day no matter how you feel or you know. And then, yeah, and then I ended up working in TV and then from TV into movies and then directing, so.” IfsKnowsWantFeelsWritingYearsImportantMatterMomentsTaughtTvsLaughterYeahPhonesAdvertisingCellsNow And ThenCell PhoneHow You Feel Author:Nicholas Stoller
“Yeah, because we wanted to go back to the original tone. It's one of the original movies like The Muppet Movie, Muppets Take Manhattan, The Great Muppet Caper. Those kinds of movies. So that was really important that we hit that tone and those have a lot of cameos in them and so Jason and I started asking people and everyone we asked just wants to do it.” PeopleWantKindImportantWantedAskingOriginalsYeahToneManhattanJasonMuppetCameosCapers Author:Nicholas Stoller
“Yeah, it's an origin story. But you very quickly get into the origin and then it's off to the races. It is an origin story, certainly, but it's not like the movie ends and somebody stretches. It happens pretty quickly and I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to say about it, but I think when people see that first hint, they'll be pretty excited about it.” PeopleThinkingFirstsEndsStoriesHappensRaceYeahExcitedNot SureHints Author:Nicholas Stoller
“But, yeah, it was just the regular audition process. There were a couple people telling me about it and that they were looking for the actors, but my manager is pretty good at sorting that out. And, (casting director) Rene Haynes cast me in Into the West, and she's always kept in touch and been a real big supporter of my career.” PeopleRealBigsActorsProcessCareersCoupleDirectorsYeahWestCastsManagersAuditionsSupporterCastingSortingCasting Directors Author:Tinsel Korey
“Because I have the scar, people are like, "Who did you play in the film?," and I tell them, "The girl with the scar," and then they're like, "Oh, yeah!" I think most people expect me to have the scar.” PeopleThinkingPlayFilmGirlYeahScar Author:Tinsel Korey
“Yeah, when you work with somebody that famous everybody wants to know what are they like or - but I know some of the movies that I know because they're more like NOBODY'S FOOL or like that, because I don't really watch the big R movies, I haven't really seen them so much. I loved him [Bruce Willis] from his TV show and some of the smaller movies he's done. The bigger movies I start to space out in, like, there just so, I don't really watch those kind of movies so much.” KnowsWantKindDoneShowsBigsSpaceWatchesHavensTvsFoolBiggerYeahTv Shows Author:Mary-Louise Parker
“I'm not saying that I'm the grand genius that came in on a float and made it happen, but they liked my pitch. I was on my way to a camping trip with my daughter when my agent called and said, "This thing came up and it's really wild and crazy, do you want to read it?" And, I said, "Yeah, why don't you just send it to me? But, I'm going on this camping trip, so I probably won't be able to read it until I get back."” WayWantMadeSaidHappensAbleCrazyGeniusDaughterYeahAgentsMade ItMy WayMy DaughterGet BackFloatsCampingWild And Crazy Author:Remi Aubuchon
“I don't like karaoke because the mics are always so worn out. The quality of the mics is such that you're always going (screaming) "Yeah, yeah!" and then you can't like it. It's like sometimes I'm too professional to get up and do it.” SometimesQualityYeahGet UpWornWorn OutMicsKaraoke Author:Rebel Wilson
“Well, you know, my name is Ced and I kinda consider myself an entertainer. Hey that ain't bad yeah, Cedric the Entertainer.” KnowsWellsNamesYeahHeyEntertainers Author:Cedric the Entertainer
“Women have it good when it comes to masturbation. Guys, we just have our hands. For the rest of our lives, that's it. Sometimes your friend will go, 'Ever try your left hand? It's like a whole different person.' Yeah, a retarded person.” TryingPersonsDifferentSometimesWholeHandsGuyLeftOur LivesYeahMasturbationRetardedLeft Hand Author:Jay Mohr
“I'd go back, yeah. I don't care, I got a kid, man - I'll sell tampons. I mean, there's no selling-out once you get a kid. I got a kid.” MenMeanCareKidsYeahSellsDon't CareSellingI Don't CareSelling OutTampons Author:Jay Mohr
“...this is my dilemma. I'm a guy who makes things up as I go along, so nothing is ever finished - there are so many layers. So when you solo, yeah, you might get into one thing, but then, hey, everything has implications! You can hear the next level. And that's how I feel about improvising - there's always another level.” FeelsMightGuyNextLevelsOne ThingYeahFinishedHeyLayersSoloImplicationsDilemmaImprovisationNext LevelImprovising Author:Sonny Rollins
“Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I'm on 8.” FirstsLittlesBitsSidesLittle BitYeahHotelStayingShelterHomeless Author:David Spade
“It's hard for your mom to tell you she has an oral fixation and has to have something in her mouth. My step dad is in the kitchen winking at me. You down with OPP, yeah you know me. Exciting is and a special... What? Easy, and why do you know all the words? That's weird.” KnowsHardEasyStepsSpecialMomDadMouthsExcitingYeahKitchenDo You KnowKnow MeYour MomFixationWinkingStep Dad Author:David Spade