“Her name is Penny. That's another way to be called worthless. She can thank inflation and Central Bankers.”
Source: Me and memes and memories
“Insult in such a way so as to flatter, to soften the sting. Might bring about actual change in behavior in The Offended.”
Source: Me and memes and memories
“I haven't changed since starting BearPaw Duck Farm. I still like my relationships like I like my eggs: Over easy.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“Duck farming has taught me that my day-to-day thinking changes in a gradient that's subtle and unnoticeable when observed in 24-hour blocks, but becomes obvious when seen in longer time frames. In the past two years I've changed from pink to blue, but it was all purple to me.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Seth Rogen is a funny guy. In fact, his sense of humor is so advanced that when he tells a joke, he's the only one who laughs.”
Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“I like a comedian who supplies his own laugh track. That's how I know he just told a joke.”
Source: Me and memes and memories
“Seth Rogen is a unique comedian. When he makes a joke, he's the only one who laughs.”
Source: Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast
“Just because someone likes to laugh, doesn't mean they have a good sense of humor. They could giggle every time they hear a fart, and for them hanging around a public bathroom would be like being in a comedy club. I should sell that person tickets to watch my ducks perform.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“To not laugh at a king’s joke is a grave offense. That grave has your headstone on it. Everybody musters a chuckle at a royal punchline—even the humble duck farmer.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“The brain is in the body, and memories are in the brain. Are my memories therefore not physical extensions of me, and able to be frozen for all of eternity, so that someone in the future can dethaw them and laugh at all the jokes I once enjoyed?”
Source: 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat
“Have you ever noticed that neither cats nor dogs ever laugh? I used to think I was doing something wrong, that maybe I needed to start telling better jokes. But no, all I needed to do was get a different audience. That's when I discovered ducks.”
Source: Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“Her favorite movie was Somewhere In Time, and she wanted me to be her Christopher Reeve. She probably meant she wanted me to be her Superman, but I always took it like she wanted me to be a guy pretending to need a wheelchair before faking my own death.”
Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“I've been in love one time, I said as I held up my pinky. I would have held up my index finger, but I wasn't in love that long.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“Karate guys can break wood. But they can’t build like carpenters. Destroyers don’t have as much value to society as those who construct.”
Source: Me and memes and memories
“I hate vending machine snack conversations with cashiers. They fill your mouth, but are totally empty of value. Hey, how are you? Good, you? Good. That's great, see you tomorrow. See ya.”
Source: Me and memes and memories
“People who wait for your service to go on sale are saying they don’t value you. They like you, but they’d like you better if you were more exploitable.”
Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“Your high school guidance counselor was right: A college degree is the path to success. The fact that everyone else has one also only makes it that much more valuable.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“Pizza as a reward at work, gotta love it. Personally, I'd rather have that than a raise. Give me a pizza, boss, and let me know you truly value the work I do.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“Catcallers offer a valuable service to the community, and I'm proud to say I donate my time and energy to such a charitable cause. If you need me I'll be whistling on the sidewalk.”
Source: Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast
“Why pay someone else ten dollars for one item that does two things, when for five dollars apiece I can sell you two items that each does one thing? It’s the same price, and the same things, but it’s not the same thing.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“What are words worth if you write like Wordsworth? Not as much as a man named Wordsandpicturesworth. That's so long, so I'd just call him Memesworth, and I'd use him to help me sell ducks.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I used to work in a tall office building, and I carried a briefcase. It was empty of business, but when people tried to stop me to talk, I'd hold it up and say, "Gotta run. Look how busy I am.”
Source: I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge
“At church, during communion, they give out free wine. Whoa! Talk about a great place to drink and meet women.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“I asked her on a date for Friday at 8:00. She said, “Some other time, maybe.” So I said, “How about 8:01?””
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“Things you share with a man, if you’re a man: The weight of a heavy object you have to move. Not dinner and a movie.”
Source: I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge
“What if dating apps are mostly populated by Deep Fakes, designed to get you to waste your life swiping right and keep you single? I say this because the last three matches I met up with for coffee turned out to be holograms.”
Source: Don't Even Get Me Started On The Beastie Boys
“Here’s an eternally true statement: No matter how much good you’ve done, you could always have done more. The earlier you recognize that, the easier it is for you to accept blame.”
Source: I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge
“Telepathy is me reading your mind. What's it called when I read your heart?”
Source: Me and memes and memories
“Your mind is a hole that can be endlessly expanded into an abyss. The depth of your potential nothingness is truly astounding.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“I like books, but my favorite way to get information is to read a person's mind through their body language. It’s always the best writing.”
Source: Don't Even Get Me Started On The Beastie Boys
“I deal in the ideal—and that's an idea. Average people collect things, but I gather my thoughts, and my brain is my warehouse. But what about a duck? It has one word on its mind, quack, which is its answer to every question, so does that mean it's got the most efficiently organized cerebral cortex in the universe?”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Ever since I was a little boy, I've always been able to talk to cats. Of course, they act like they don't know what I'm saying and they ignore me, but that's just how they show they care.”
Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“I put my cat’s chest tight against my own, so the healing frequency of her purrs could be absorbed by my heart. I am my own doctor. She is my doctor. We are my doctor.”
Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“My heart is full of love like a coffin sloshing with coffee. There are no FREE refills.”
Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“Holding a Pekin duckling is like hand cuddling a ball of sunshine. It's a power-charging station for the heart.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“Music anchors us to a time and place, rooted with feelings, and is invisible liquid nostalgia that flows through our ears directly into our hearts (where our memories are stored). What song was playing when you first thought about stealing a duck out of a park pond?”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“FREE networking tip #13: Instead of offering your hand when meeting someone, extend a rubber duck that squeaks. It's just a small gesture that says, "I'm here, you're here, and I really care.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“Roses have thorns. Those are like flower fangs. Roses are the vampires of the plant world.”
Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“Where two are, loneliness isn't. And with loneliness left out, loneliness is lonely.”
Source: The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks
“Geese are the terrorists of the bird world. They look similar to ducks, which is natural, because the bad guys always try to look like the heroes.”
Source: I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge
“Men make laws to enslave other men, and then men call it FREEDOM. If you want to know about freedom, go watch ducks splashing around in water.”
Source: Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“It's too bad the military draft has an upper age limit. Imagine the beautiful society we would have if WWIII were fought exclusively by Boomers.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“To me, moths are ugly butterflies. But these days, society probably considers them beauty queens.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“Wine enhances your beauty by making others look at you differently. Well, so long as they are the ones drinking it. If you come visit my duck farm, I have some old grapes I could serve you.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Whales should have solar panels on their backs. That would make them more fuel efficient, and it would also stop them from crying outside my window every night.”
Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“Here’s a good headline: Onion cuts man and cries about it. It actually happened to me.”
Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you
“I’m out of tears, but I’m not going to cry about it. I’m also out of tiers, but that’s on a whole different level that only ducks swimming through the air can reach.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.