“Duck farming is a 24/7 thing. But that's OK, because I'm a caffeine junky. I'm also addicted to cheese. Why does alcoholism get classified as a disease, but I get no sympathy for fiending for brie?”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I'm too busy duck farming to watch many movies, so I don't know: Is it ScarFace, or is it ScarfAce? Either way, I am a knitting gangster.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“A bicycle rode itself to my house, where I gave it swimming lessons at 15 bucks an hour. So it paid me 37 cents, before telling me I should write a book on Duck Farming.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“I am king over my ducks. What does that mean? That means they get to eat and drink and play, and give no thought to where their food and water comes from, and I have to deliver both regularly, while also worrying about protecting them and keeping them absolutely safe.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Engagement farming no longer works. Next time, try duck farming.”
Source: Me and memes and memories
“Ducks are melodic, not melodramatic. That, plus the gift of aquatic aviation, makes them the ideal soup ingredient.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“I saw a woman wearing yellow Nikes, so I said, “I love your red shoes.” She told me they are yellow, and I said, "I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you are colorblind.” Then I asked her if she wanted to buy a Pekin duck, because we could both agree that its beak was orange.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“The blueberries are tasting extra blue this year. That surprises me, because my tongue is color blind.”
Source: Me and memes and memories
“My life is a puff of smoke in a tornado. We are all furiously whirling into nothingness.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“I once saw a moat bicycling around a castle. It was being chased by a soggy giraffe that had a tornado for a neck. I was on the overlooking grassy hill, selling lasagna-free duck soup by the slice to tourists from Nebraska.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“A tornado could stir its own coffee. I’ll bet a tornado takes its java with lots of cream, sugar, and roadside debris.”
Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you
“You may use a shopping cart to get your groceries, but I just use regular clothes. That way all my items are FREE.”
Source: I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge
“A slap is a high-five to a face. People are so selfish these days that they could really benefit from that kind of support. Here on my duck farm, I provide that service to select customers for FREE.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Nine out of ten dentists recommend my duck-soup-flavored toothpaste. Finally, a toothpaste that was designed to be paired with orange juice. It also goes well with red wine, if you like to start your morning off that way.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“A dishwasher has a spinning blade inside, and that's like an internal helicopter of cleanliness. Next time, try hygiene and flying, which is to almost attain the status of The Duck.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I like watching free-climbing videos, because it detoxes my hands. The whole experience makes my palms sweat profusely.”
Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you
“Wife beaters are great. They are undershirts with the armpits cut out, so your overshirt can still get those delightful sweat stains.”
Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you
“Coffee, it's the original energy drink. After I chug this cup, I'll feel like I could run a marathon, but I won't, because I have two Rubik's Cubes for knees, and they still need to be solved.”
Source: Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast
“I'm a Starbucks coffee connoisseur. You know I'm an expert, because I can't distinguish between their java and muddy duck water.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“I love cola-flavored soda—especially if it's authentically brown colored and manufactured by the government. It reminds me that Soviet Russia never produced any great golfers, and that is the only mistake made by the game over the centuries.”
Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“I'm not into pop culture. I'm more of a soda culture kind of guy. That's how I farm ducks and memes.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Yogurt is culture. Post-post-modern literature is not. I wish I'd have known that before I went to college to learn how to communicate with less efficiency than ducks, because it’s a spoonful that's hard to swallow at first.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I love how pancake syrup comes in a sports bottle. That makes it easy to squirt in your mouth while running a marathon. But if you are really thirsty, try drinking scrambled duck eggs.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Pickleball is the greatest sport ever invented. Nowhere else will you see communities torn apart by opposing groups of Boomers, each battling over courts like rival gangs fighting over turf.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“Branson is the Maine of Missouri. We don't have Murder, She Wrote, but we do have at least one killer writer.”
Source: Me and memes and memories
“I love when I shake a mustard bottle really well and go to squirt a line on my hotdog and out spurts a yellow watery substance. They should sell that as an energy drink, because it really gets me amped up.”
Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you
“The skills needed to stay employable are changing daily, which is why I'm now offering a class called: "How To Sew Pants While Riding A Unicycle And Playing The Saxophone Like A Quacking Duck." What are the jobs of The Future? Nobody knows, but my class will train you to Get Hired!”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I play mini-golf like I shoot pool like I swim in it. That's also how I play the trombone, which is why it makes trumpet noises. For a saxophone-free duck quacking experience, try adding more water.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I'm about to make an absurd BearPaw Duck Farm meme. To make a proper marketing GIF, there's only one rule: No matter what flavor you are hoping to achieve, you can never sprinkle in too much saxophone.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“First Artificial Intelligence stole all the jobs. Then it snatched up all the people off the streets at night, and now I'm left alone, playing my saxophone at the moon.”
Source: The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks
“Play your saxophone like a quacking duck. An electric guitar full of lightning doesn't even have that energy.”
Source: The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks
“I don't play the saxophone. But that's OK, because I talk to my quacking ducks, and our conversation is like music to my neighbor's six AM ears.”
Source: Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast
“I managed to combine a saxophone and a trombone into one musical sound. Then I powdered it and sealed it in a can, so when you’re ready to enjoy it just add water and stir.”
Source: Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast
“I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge. I also arrange notes in other shapes, like sound sculptures.”
Source: Eggs, they’re not just for breakfast
“I play jazz. Duck noises come out of my saxophone, and that lack of musical quality is how you know I’ve mastered the genre.”
Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you
“I’m wearing a new shirt, and I just spilled saxophone all over it. It will stain like a cacophony of quacking ducks, and that can only mean one thing—it’s time for breakfast.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“I like my morning coffee so strong it will wake up the neighbors. And if that doesn't work, I'll start playing my tuba.”
Source: The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks
“People ask me if I like golfing, and I look at them and reply, "Does The Pope wipe his ass with tuna fish sandwiches?" That response is NOT sponsored by Subway.”
Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“When I walk my feet and knees pop. They always have. I could never be a ninja. I'm as stealthy as a strobe light at midnight, which of course is the universal sign for Buy One Duck, Get Twelve FREE. My neighbors love when I flash that deal outside their bedroom windows.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I would rather fly on a Pekin duck than in a helicopter. The safest place for a rotor aircraft is on a page in da Vinci's diary.”
Source: Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm is the anti-Metaverse. Why live in a fake world, when a real one already exists? Bill Gates talks about The Metaverse to obscure the fact that (s)he is now America's largest farm holder. The Fake is for YOU, while (s)he wants The Real.”
Source: Duck Quotes For The Ages. Specifically ages 18-81.
“This is the Los Angeles Lakers of sunsets. Purple and yellow, it reminds me of Larry Bird.”
Source: The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks
“Larry Bird was a great basketball player, but he would have been even better if he were more specific. I'd wear a Larry Duck jersey.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“Teleportation is weird. Especially if you’re wearing your neighbor’s skin suit and using his body to get around the old fashioned way—by walking. Why don’t you pick me up in a 1990 black Jeep Cherokee?”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“I'm writing a new book: "How To Not Be Seen By Invisible Entities." The book only appears to be blank, but that's because it has to be read with interdimensional eyes, and I help you achieve those in chapter three.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“When I dive in water, my body is streamlined like the fuselage of a jet, and then I glide effortlessly like a dolphin swims. In that moment, I am a featherless duck.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“She hadn't seen me in awhile, and she said, "Where have you been? You disappeared off the face of the map." I agreed, and replied, "I am Frisland.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“When giving directions, it's important to be precise. Invoke words such as yonder.”
Source: I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge
“I love how golf courses have water hazards. But the ponds feel empty without ducks. I'd like to start a business renting my ducks out to country clubs.”
Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Your golf course is my duck farm. I am The John Daly of raising avians.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.