“I once saw two endangered species about to have sex, but I had to put a stop to it because I suspected one of them of being a prostitute. Then I went to the ATM and took out some cash just to be certain.”
Source: I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge
“There are two types of things to do in Branson: Things that cost money and things that aren’t fun. Some things are both things.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“Your orange fanny pack reminds me of my Leftover Meatloaf Holder. I wear it when I work out or make love. My incredible level of romance can be rented by you for the unbelievably low price of $14.95 per hour.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“Eddie Money and Johnny Cash should have collaborated. I’d have paid good last name to see them in concert.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“The Whisper Factory is now hiring! Report your grandma for suspicious behavior and get PAID!”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“Why bother reading? Why not just download all the known knowledge directly into your brain? Let Elon Musk implant a chip through your skull and get a year's subscription to heated seats in your Tesla for FREE.”
Source: I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge
“If I ever write a book on money, it will be free, because I don't know anything about the subject—including how to make it. I guess that makes me almost as qualified as college economics professors.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“Sales is a hard way to make money, trying to convince people to willingly pay you for a product or service. I prefer making money the old-fashioned way, by extortion, like the government does.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“Quarterbacks shouldn’t leave the pocket, because that’s where the money is. Every politician knows this.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“A penny saved is a penny wasted. Thanks, fiat currency and inflation!”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“Do you sometimes get drunk and take a bath in a pile of cash? If so, you may be suffering from hyperinflation.”
Source: I design saxophone music in blocks, like Stonehenge
“Do you enjoy being out in nature? By 2030, when you're living in your 20 by 30 cement stacked box in the city, you'll probably be able to rent walks in the park for ONLY $19.95 per month.”
Source: 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat
“For me, publishing books in hardback format is a protest against The World Economic Forum's decree that we will own nothing and be happy about it. In an economy that's subscription based, where we stream or rent everything as a service, this is my tiny, tangible fuck you.”
Source: 94,000 Wasps in a Trench Coat
“When women ask me what I do for a living, I’m going to tell them I earn money the old-fashioned way. Then I’ll go on to explain that I somehow managed to get my name added to an African Charity list, and generous Americans donate eight dollars a month so that I can afford to feed myself, but that I spend it all on my new Twitter blue check.”
Source: Don't Even Get Me Started On The Beastie Boys
“I'm making money moves. Those moves are delicate and subtle, because I don't want to wake up the duck cuddling on my lap, or spill the cup of coffee I'm holding while I ride my unicycle in this circus called Life.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“When I worked as a concierge, I loved getting a pat on the back from a guest, because it's like a tip, only better, because it doesn't devalue like fiat currency, and it will buy me food at the store. Oh yes, shared body language is the best facilitator of trade, and here on my duck farm I accept high-fives for eggs.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“As the dollar gets continuously devalued, competition for The People’s discretionary spending constantly increases. You don’t have to have a long neck like a duck to worry about things getting more cut-throat.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“People pay top dollar to eat my duck eggs. I wish they also paid bottom dollar, plus all the ones in the middle, because honestly, what am I gonna do with a dollar?”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“There's not much money to be made in duck farming. That's OK, because The Whisper Factory is now hiring! Report your grandma for suspicious behavior and get PAID!”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Johnny Cash isn’t king. Not in this inflationary economy. He should have called himself Johnny Gold, but that sounds too full of usury. But Johnny Duckeggs, now THAT sounds kingly.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Why miss a SALE at twenty dollars, when people will buy at $19.95? I've found that the opportunity to save that nickel really makes people say YES to buying a NEW duck.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I like how grocery stores play music while I'm shopping. Vintage pop really makes me want to pay full price and avoid looking for discounts. I need to implement that financial psychology here on my duck farm.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Gas prices are so high that people are trying to save money by demanding absurd deals, like Buy One Duck, Get Twelve FREE. I always respond, "Are you crazy? The best I can do is Buy Two, Get Eleven FREE.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“If The Dollar represents financialization, and The Dollar is dying, and we are moving towards currencies being backed by commodities, then The Future is REAL. BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Coin is backed by duck eggs.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“My duck farm is my side hustle. Only, there's no hustle in my side hustle. It's more like a gentle saunter, or even a waddle.”
Source: Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world
“I just shared a near-death experience with a duck. Tell Grandmother I’ll be home by $2.99, but that I plan on using a coupon, so don't wait up for me.”
Source: One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
“My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun. At BearPaw Duck Farm, both are acceptable forms of currency for trade.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“She said she was a fan of Edward Snowden, and I replied, "You know, I'm something of a whistleblower myself. In fact, I'm so advanced it's called a flute. I play elevator music as smooth as a duck swims, and if you enjoy the duration of your ride, you might consider tipping.”
Source: One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
“For most people, their brains host their memories. But not me. I store all my nostalgia in my ducks, so even if I should die, my ducks will still know how much money you owe me.”
Source: One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
“People pay a lot of fake money for old wine bottles filled with mystery fluid that they haven’t even tasted because it’s centuries old. So, I’m willing to bet people would spend even more fiat currency for new wine bottles filled with duck soup.”
Source: One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
“As I was petting my cat this morning, it hit me that maybe my cat was stillfully rubbing my hand. In this upside-down world of negative interest rates, can you really be sure of anything except the value of duck eggs?”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“Old men having an earnest conversation about college football, is there anything more American? Makes me want to VOTE and then send out some 18-year-old to die for my FREEDOM.”
Source: Powdered Saxophone Music
“I played a round of golf, but I didn't get an eagle. No, that symbol of American FREEDOM flew away faster than I could say Francis Scott Key.”
Source: To be good at golf you must go full koala bear
“Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something.”
Source: There are Two Typos of People in This World: Those Who Can Edit and Those Who Can't
“Geese are not shaped like footballs. That makes it harder to throw them, but still, our family scores a lot of points when we get together during Thanksgiving.”
Source: Me and memes and memories
“Francis Bacon has the most delicious last name ever, followed closely by Johnny Scrambledeggs. I golf like those two guys make breakfast out of family reunions.”
Source: The Lewis and Clark of The Ozarks
“After a stranger asked where I'm from, I told him I'm from Florida, and he said he has been there once and he'd stayed a week. I replied, "Yes, I remember. We all waited for you to come back, and we wondered where you had gone. We cried out for you, but you never answered." Then I offered him a swig of duck soup, because I had a thermos full and we were now practically brothers.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“Ducks love me because I am a dandelion. I am a Wind Flower. I'm half wind, half flower. My mother is a flower and my father is the wind, and I know this because he's so gone he's invisible, but at one time my mother felt his presence.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“My cousin doesn't know my name, so he calls me Marie The 13th. I told him, "Please, call me Mr. The 13th. Marie is my father's name." Family reunions are always awkward because nobody there is related to me. Still, I give them all discounts on BearPaw Duck Farm omelets.”
Source: BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight
“I'm a consoomer. Instead of wall-to-wall Funko Pops, I collect ducks, and I store them all in a pen at night where they can be on display to inspire jealous desire in foxes, coyotes, and Miss Marple.”
Source: A Memoir of Memories and Memes
“I’m training tuna fish to land travel using slices of tomatoes as wheels. You wouldn't believe how many swimming creatures are jealous of ducks' versatility of movement.”
Source: Music is fluid, and my saxophone overflows when my ducks slosh in the sounds I make in elevators.
“I make music one note at a time, just as did Mozart. Tomorrow night you’ll get to hear the second note in my masterpiece symphony.”
Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you
“Photos have no sound. That’s strange, because even conch shells feature The Song of The Ocean. Why don’t you try playing THAT on your car’s radio?”
Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you
“Some trees yield fruit. No tree grows piano music, and that’s exactly the kind of vegetable that goes best with dinner.”
Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you
“I played saxophone-shaped music for the elevator, and I played extra. Then I cut the excess into frozen cubes and stuffed them in a Tupperware container to take to work to leave in the fridge so they may begin to stink.”
Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you
“I sneak music into concerts. I release it into the crowd silently through my anus. Its soft melody is scented for maximum pleasure.”
Source: Whenever you're here, I'm there for you
“The sailfish is the fastest fish in the world. That’s why it tastes like Christopher Cross’ hit song and is the preferred catch by nine out of ten dentists.”
Source: Me and memes and memories
“Kendrick Lamar's last name is Duckworth. What's a Duckworth? More than a chicken.”
Source: Me and memes and memories
“The secret ingredient to my macaroni and cheese is saxophone music. I use it in powdered format, because sometimes it's dormant from the 1980s.”
Source: Me and memes and memories