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Funny And Random Quotes

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Funny And Random Quotes

“Yes, an actual full-sized camel. If you find that confusing, just think how the criosphinx must have felt. Where did the camel come from, you ask? I may have mentioned Walt’s collection of amulets. Two of them summoned disgusting camels. I’d met them before, so I was less than excited when a ton of dromedary flesh flew across my line of sight, plowed into the sphinx, and collapsed on top of it. The sphinx growled in outrage as it tried to free itself. The camel grunted and farted. “Hindenburg,” I said. Only one camel could possibly fart that badly. “Walt, why in the world—?” “Sorry!” he yelled. “Wrong amulet!” The technique worked, at any rate. The camel wasn’t much of a fighter, but it was quite heavy and clumsy. The criosphinx snarled and clawed at the floor, trying unsuccessfully to push the camel off; but Hindenburg just splayed his legs, made alarmed honking sounds, and let loose gas. I moved to Walt’s side and tried to get my bearings.”

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Book:The Serpent's Shadow
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“Let’s just pause there for a moment. Ever seen a movie where everything moves in slow motion during an action scene? As if, for the character, it actually feels that way? Gives them time to think, to act, to look cool. Take my situation, take what I just told you, and the exact opposite is true. It moved really fast. I did not think. I probably didn’t look very cool.”

ActionFunnyAction MovieAction QuotesFunny And RandomThe Community
Book:The Community: A Funny and Disturbing Conspiracy Mystery Novel
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“Everyone says there’s a voice in your head that serves as your conscience. Well, I’ve had lots of time to think about this, and I have my own psychological theory: Everybody has a tiny person in their head. Stay with me. Don’t laugh. This “Tiny Person” talks to itself, which would explain the voices we hear, but it makes its own decisions. People are merely drones controlled by them.”

PsychologyHumorous QuotesFiction NovelFunny And Random
Book:Not a Bestseller
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“Dont act like you are walking around with a Tshirt that says "I give Up!" on the front and on the back saying "I never started trying!" People can bring you down, situations happen, YOU can feel like Life is the shittiest thing to deal with. BLAH BLAH BLAH.. If you're walking through Hell, keep going! Everyday there's a new challenge. Face it! Deal with it! Move on! To every problem there is a solution or a way around it.. Stop being a sour mongral and think life owes you something.. No one will do anything for you these days. Start fighting. Get rid of ALL the shit people in your Life. Grow some balls of steel and work progressively through everything. Step by Step or what ever mad method you have to get you back in line again. Who cares, if people don't like you, BURN that mother of a bridge down. It was never meant to be.. Build New ones! Many roads to cross and new paths on life to Explore.. It starts with YOU.. And if people want to judge you, tell them to F/O and look in the mirror. Time for a new game.. It's called "Take over the World" WHOOOP WHOOOP!!”

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Author:Timothy Padayachee
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“The room they had reached served as an impromptu drug-lounge in which a hundred naked addicts engaged in communal sex. One of them drew nearer and spontaneously relieved himself all over Aurora’s shoes. ‘You’re welcome,’ the addict said proudly, buttoning up his soiled jeans and walking away like a champ. A nearby woman saw the whole thing and smirked. ‘You’re one lucky lady, you know that?’ she smiled toothlessly. The remnants of today’s orgy were still visible in her mouth. ‘I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.”

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Book:5 Stars
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“What’s not to love? I made friends with a pretty girl and now we get to plan a castle break in. This beats the day to day kill, eat and survive.”

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Book:The Labyrinth Wall
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“And so the cycle of innocence found, lost, found again, and finally lost is complete. Just as a peanut is neither a pea nor a nut… and a thighmaster is neither a thigh nor a master… so our hero learned that Netflix and Chill means neither Netflix nor Chill. And if you’re just learning this for the first time, welcome to the end of your innocence.”

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Book:Suburban Luchador: Memoirs From Suburbia
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“Everyone thinks they're entitled to their 15 minutes of fame. And it's that narcissism that makes people, who have no business writing a book, think they can write a book.”

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Book:The Ugly Truth About Self-Publishing: Not another cookie-cutter contemporary romance
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“if you've ever been to an old-timey museum, you've seen those silly portrait paintings that vain noblemen of by-gone eras used to plaster all over the walls of their pompous mansions. Today, thanks to social media, people can take pointless pictures and pollute the world with their dumb shit faster than ever before. Progress!”

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Book:The Ugly Truth About Self-Publishing: Not another cookie-cutter contemporary romance
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“People who have absolutely nothing interesting or unique to say think writing a book will make them interesting. They think when they tell people "I'm a writer" it sounds cooler than if they say "I clean houses for a living.”

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Book:The Ugly Truth About Self-Publishing: Not another cookie-cutter contemporary romance
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“And right now, some affiliates of the promiscuous persuasion were beckoning, urging the women to join their huge orgy. ‘Come have a go, ladyships!’ said one of the strumpets. Stella mustered a look so disapproving it made steel feel guilty for being hard. Unabated, the prostitute lit herself a cigarette and winked suggestively. ‘Will make it worth your while and no trouble.’ ‘Er.’ The strumpet sucked on her cigarette with gusto and hastily turned to Aurora. Under the heavy theatrical greasepaint, she saw a hint of black stubble. ‘What about you, hon? Ever swallowed a sword with its sheath?’ ‘Once,’ said Aurora through a wooden expression. ‘It didn’t end too well for the sword.’ ‘Oh leave ‘em be, Kevin,’ another strumpet butted in, as she adjusted the apples in her corset. She had a tall voice, coarse, rugged and edged; the sort of edge you cut protons on. ‘Doncha see they ‘av a lil’un with ‘em?’ ‘And I’ve a wife. What’s your point, Steve?’ the drag queen retorted. ‘Yer wife’s a corpse, mate.’ ‘Guess that makes me a necromancer.”

HumorousFunny QuotesFunny And RandomHilarious QuotesHumourous QuotesFunny As HellHumorous SituationsNeon Science Fiction
Book:5 Stars
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“A question that always makes me hazy is it me or are the others crazy' Albert Einstein”

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Book:The Unconventional Life of Jenna Jaghe
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“I have only touched one other computer at my friend Marissa's house, and found the experience disconcerting. There was something sinister about the green letters and numbers that flashed on the screen as the computer booted up, and I hated the way Marissa stopped answering questions or noticing me the second it was turned on.”

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Book:Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She's "Learned"
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