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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article”

Funny Cases Humorous Conscience Majority Articles Flexible

Book:The Old Curiosity Shop Charles Dickens

Source: The Old Curiosity Shop Charles Dickens

“What we're going for, in those humorous moments, is the absurdity of it all. The craziness of the night manager offering them an umbrella in the height of what is a horrible disaster was like, "What?!" That's Andy Greenfield, and he nailed the audition. He's the sweetest guy in the world, as is often the case with those guys, but on camera, he's so creepy that a lot of us kept saying, "You know, Andy, don't look at us like that anymore, okay? You're scaring us."”

Knows World Looks Moments Night Guy Cases Humorous Okay Cameras Disaster Horrible Managers Height Offering Absurdity Auditions Sweetest Creepy Umbrella Craziness

Author:Remi Aubuchon

“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”

“I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.”

People Knows Feels Should Two Life Is Cases Know How Lucky Humorous Blind Witty Horrible Miserable Categories Divided Life And Love Being Thankful Crippled Terminal Annie Hall Blind People

Author:Woody Allen

“I abhor averages. I like the individual case. A man may have six meals one day and none the next, making an average of three meals per day, but that is not a good way to live.”

Men Way May Funny Three Next Individual Cases Food One Day Six Humorous Average Meals Statistics Good Day Good Way Way To Live

Author:Louis D. Brandeis

“John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.”

Ifs Knows Firsts May Important Feelings Funny Cases Mets Humorous Sight Witty Confused Love At First Sight Sinking Elevators Sinking Feeling

Author:Groucho Marx

“We spent as much money as we could and got as little for it as people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common one.”

Source: Great Expectations Thrift Study Edition

“I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.”

Want Two Humor Age Funny Fall Girl Cases Humorous

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.”

“I'm tired of hearing about innocent victims. It's fiction, If you live on this planet you're guilty, period, f*** you, next case, end of report. Your birth certificate is proof of guilt.”

Ifs Ends Next Fiction Cases Planets Birth Periods Humorous Victim Tired Guilt Hearing Proof Innocent Guilty Reports I'm Tired Certificates Birth Certificate Innocent Victims

Author:George Carlin

“Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.”

Has Beens Known Cases Impossible Disease Humorous Medical Cures Symptoms Researchers

Book:Napalm & Silly Putty

Source: Napalm & Silly Putty

“Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.”

Needs Funny Order Music Cases Air Humorous Function Hot Constant Lawyer Clarinet Hot Air Mouthpiece

Author:Victor Borge

“Baby's room should be close enough to your room so that you can hear baby cry, unless you want to get some sleep, in which case baby's room should be in Peru.”

Want Should Children Enough Humor Kids Funny Sleep Rooms Cases Cry Baby Humorous Your Room Peru

Book:Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have Around the Home

Source: Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Have Around the Home