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Humorous Quotes

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Humorous Quotes

“If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!”

Ifs Funny Humorous Witty Fats Spoons Silver Spoons

Author:Demetri Martin

“American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.”

Problem Funny America Products Humorous Including Fats Consumers Culinary No Problem

Author:Dave Barry

“It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.”

Ifs Funny Simple Humorous Witty Fats Motivational Sports Bodybuilding

Author:Arnold Schwarzenegger

“I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short.”

“If you're a fat person - and especially if you're a woman - at all stages of your life you'll get abuse for it, so you have to work out a way of dealing with it. The best way is to be humorous about it - that defuses any tension.”

Ifs Way Persons Stage Humorous Abuse Work Out Best Way Fats Tension Dealing With It

Author:Jo Brand

“What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?”

Ifs Dream Humor Funny Guy Existence Humorous Thirds Fats What If

Author:Woody Allen

“Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.”

Ifs Said Funny Humorous Fats Smoke Smoking Zero Warning Cigarette Cigar Smoking Cigarettes Smoking Cigars Cigarette Smoke

Author:Dave Barry

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”

People Way Looks Funny Found Humorous Witty Fats One Way Hanging Out Funny Food Fat People

Author:Rodney Dangerfield

“This country is so urbanized we think low-fat milk comes from cows on Nutri/System weight-loss plans.”

Thinking Country Funny America Loss Plans Lows Humorous Weight Fats Milk Cows Weight Loss

Book:Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader

Source: Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader