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Mark Twain

Mark Twain Quotes

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Famous Mark Twain Quotes

“Solomon, who was one of the Deity's favorites, had a copulation cabinet composed of seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. To save his life he could not have kept two of these young creatures satisfactorily refreshed, even if he had fifteen experts to help him. Necessarily almost the entire thousand had to go hungry for years and years on a stretch. Conceive of a man hardhearted enough to look daily upon all that suffering and not be moved to mitigate it.”

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Book:Letters from the Earth: Easyread Edition
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“The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot.”

KnowsMenFactsHumanityCan DoAnimalMoralProveCreaturesIntellectualIntelligentRecoveryVegetarianVeganAnimal RightsSuperiorityVeganismInferiorityAnimal WelfareHuman AnimalHumans And AnimalsAnimal CompassionInferiority ComplexAnimal EthicsVivisectionKindness To AnimalsImpertinenceMoral SuperiorityIntellectual Superiority
Book:Mark Twain’s Book of Animals
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“All men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but few except the "elect" have seen it, or, at least, taken the trouble to read it. I brought away a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to me, it is such a pretentious affair, and yet so "slow," so sleepy; such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print. If Joseph Smith composed this book, the act was a miracle — keeping awake while he did it was, at any rate.”

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Book:Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)
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“But it is a blessed provision of nature that at times like these, as soon as a man's mercury has got down to a certain point there comes a revulsion, and he rallies. Hope springs up, and cheerfulness along with it, and then he is in good shape to do something for himself, if anything can be done.”

IfsMenDoneCertainShapesSpringBlessedCheerProvisionCheerfulnessMercuryRevulsionTimes Like These
Book:Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)
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“It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made he (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one...that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.”

IfsKnowsMenMadeFactsPainHeavenSportsCan DoAnimalMoralKnowingDogHe ManProveCreaturesPerceptionIntellectualFavorsVanityDumbMeritDullSuperiorityMaliceInferiorityHumans And AnimalsImpertinenceIntellectual Superiority
Author:Mark Twain
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“The pitifulest thing out is a mob; that's what an army is--a mob; they don't fight with courage that's born in them, but with courage that's borrowed from their mass, and from their officers. But a mob without any MAN at the head of it is BENEATH pitifulness.”

MenFightingBornMassArmyOfficersBorrowedHuckleberry
Book:Annotated Huckleberry Finn with English Grammar Exercises: by Mark Twain (Author), Robert Powell (Editor)
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“Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.”

KnowsMenLoveHas BeensSeemsTimeGrowthMemoriesPerfectLove IsMarriageCenturyLove YouMarriedDivorceMy WifeQuartersInspirational LoveWeddingBeing MarriedMarriage AdviceFunny MarriageGetting MarriedHappy MarriageLove And MarriageMarriage LifePerfect LovePositive MarriageGood MarriageMarriage LoveInspiring LoveWedding AnniversaryMarried ManGreat MarriageMarried WomenWedding MarriageInspirational MarriageBest MarriageWedding ToastLasting MarriageWeddings And MarriageNewlywedsWeddings And LoveWedding LoveHappy DivorceMarriage DivorcePerfect WomanGreat WeddingMarriage And Love InspirationalMarried LoveQuarter Of A CenturyWives LoveMarriage AnniversaryPerfect MarriageGreat WifeWedding SentimentsHappy Marriage AdviceMarriage ToastMarriage Advice For NewlywedsMarriage EngagementMarriage Wisdom50th Wedding AnniversaryParents MarriagePerfect HusbandWhat Is MarriagePerfect Wife
Book:The Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated Edition): Novels, Short Stories, Memoir, Travel Books, Letters, Biography, Articles & Speeches: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer & Huckleberry Finn, Life on the Mississippi, Yankee in King Arthur's Court…
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“I was standing in our dining-room thinking of nothing in particular, when a cablegram was put into my hand. It said, 'Susy was peacefully released today.' It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man, all unprepared, can receive a thunder-stroke like that and live.”

ThinkingMenSaidHandsTodayRoomsMysteryParticularStandingStrokesThunderDiningUnpreparedDining Rooms
Book:Mark Twain's Own Autobiography: The Chapters from the North American Review
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“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

MenInspirationSpiritualDeathDiesFearDyingPositiveInspirational LifePreparedLive LifeLife And DeathDeath And DyingLive Your LifeBe PreparedEnjoy LifeFear Of DeathCarpe DiemAfter DeathMeaningful LifeLife DeathEulogyLast DayShort LifeEnd Of LifeJust LiveLife After DeathLive Life To The FullestDay LifeDying DeathLove And DeathFears Of LifeLive Life HappyLife Well LivedBefore I DieLife Is So ShortOld SoulInspirational DeathLove DeathLive Life To Its FullestJust Live Your LifeLive Your Life To The FullestLive To The FullestBefore DeathDeath GriefConquer Your FearsFear Of DyingDeath ComfortLiving FullyDealing With DeathBeautiful DeathMeaningful DeathHappy DeathInspirational GriefSomeone Who Is DyingLoved Ones Who DiedPreparing For DeathPeople Who Are DyingThose Who Have DiedAvoiding DeathFriend Died
Author:Mark Twain
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“It has been reported that I was seriously ill--it was another man; dying--it was another man; dead--the other man again...As far as I can see, nothing remains to be reported, except that I have become a foreigner. When you hear it, don't you believe it. And don't take the trouble to deny it. Merely just raise the American flag on our house in Hartford and let it talk.”

MenBelieveHas BeensI CanDeathHouseTroubleDyingRaisesRemainsIllDenyFlagsAnother ManForeignersAmerican Flag
Author:Mark Twain
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“A distinguished man should be as particular about his last words as he is about his last breath. He should write them out on a slip of paper and take the judgment of his friends on them. He should never leave such a thing to the last hour of his life, and trust to an intellectual spurt at the last moment to enable him to say something smart with his latest gasp and launch into eternity with grandeur.”

MenShouldWritingMomentsLastsDeathHoursParticularPaperJudgmentIntellectualSmartEternityBreathsPositive AtheismSlipsLast WordsDistinguishedGrandeur
Book:Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)
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“What is it that strikes a spark of humor from a man? It is the effort to throw off, to fight back the burden of grief that is laid on each one of us. In youth we don't feel it, but as we grow to manhood we find the burden on our shoulders. Humor? It is nature's effort to harmonize conditions. The further the pendulum swings out over woe the further it is bound to swing back over mirth.”

MenFeelsHumorFightingGrowsEffortGriefConditionsYouthBoundsBurdenStrikesShouldersSparksSwingsManhoodWoeMirthPendulums
Book:Mainly the truth: interviews with Mark Twain
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“All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. The theological knowledge which they conceal cannot justly be regarded as less valuable than that which they reveal. That is, when a man is buying a basket of strawberries it can profit him to know that the bottom half of it is rotten.”

KnowsMenTwoSchoolReligiousHalfKnowledgeCollegeFunctionBottomProfitEducationalValuableBuyingRottenTheologicalBasketsStrawberries
Book:Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations
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“Man is the only Patriot. He sets himself apart in his own country, under his own flag, and sneers at the other nations, and keeps multitudinous uniformed assassins on hand at heavy expense to grab slices of other people's countries, and keep them from grabbing slices of his. And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for the universal brotherhood of man - with his mouth.”

PeopleMenCountryHandsNationsBloodMouthsUniversalHeavyCampaignsPatriotismNationalismPatrioticExpensesBrotherhoodFlagsPatriotIntervalsAssassinsGrabbingSneerPatriotism And NationalismBrotherhood Of Man
Book:Mark Twain’s Book of Animals
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“Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your conviction is to be an unqualified and excusable traitor, both to yourself and to your country, let men label you as they may.”

MenMayCountryCoursesIntegrityLet MeConvictionLabelsPatriotismPatrioticWrongPatriotRight Way4th Of JulyBe A ManDisobedienceWrong ThingsTraitorCivil DisobedienceAmerican PatrioticIndependent ThoughtUnqualifiedAmerican PatriotismAmerican PatriotIntegrity And CharacterNonviolent ResistanceIntegrity CharacterPatriotism And NationalismMan Of IntegrityShirkAnti Patriotism
Author:Mark Twain
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“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. I would not interfere with any one's religion, either to strengthen it or to weaken it. I am not able to believe one's religion can affect his hereafter one way or the other, no matter what that religion may be. But it may easily be a great comfort to him in this life-hence it is a valuable possession to him.”

KnowsMenWayBelieveMayMatterAbleReligionEasyMy OwnTeachComfortNo Matter WhatPossessionValuableOne WayThis LifeFollySuspectsInterfereAnother ManHereafterValuable Possessions
Author:Mark Twain
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“I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation-cattle and all-was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.”

IfsMenDoneWholeHappensReligionNationsSinParticularCommittedConnectedEducatedProvidenceBiblicalCattlePresbyteriansExtermination
Book:Mark Twain in Eruption (Abridged, Annotated)
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“I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.”

MenGodHappinessReligionPoorRichMinesLuckyLuckEntrepreneurHappyInequalityBeing HappyDependencePublishersFeedingPursuit Of HappinessTrue HappinessNot HappyRich ManBad LuckBlasphemySustainingLecturerHumoristsFeeling HappyAuthentic Happiness
Book:The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain
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