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Famous Mitch Hedberg Quotes
“I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.”
“I got some tartar-control toothpaste a while back. I've still got tartar, but it's under control.”
“Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.”
“What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.”
“I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.”
“I got my hair highlighted because I felt some strands were more important than others.”
“I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all.”
“I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".”
“I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.”
“When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.”