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Famous Spike Milligan Quotes
“After Puckoon I swore I'd never write another book. This is it”
“To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don't want you singing at my funeral.”
“If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.”
“God made nightButMan made darkness.”
“Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.”
“I'm a hero wid coward's legs, I'm a hero from the waist up.”
“Archduke Franz Ferdinand Found Alive! First World War a Mistake!”
“We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.”
“If I don't eat soon, I'll die of hunger; and if I die, I won't eat soon.”
“If you kill me, I promise you - you will never take me alive.”
“Education isn't everything, for a start it isn't an elephant”
“Render any politician down and there's enough fat to fry an egg.”
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.”
“My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”
“I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.”
“Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.”
“Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?”
“Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.”
“Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.”
“I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.”
“Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?”
“General: Where are you from? Spike: London. General: Which part? Spike: ... Well, all of me.”
“Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.”
“One day the "Don't Knows" will get in and then where will we be?”
“It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t”