Best hollywood & funny Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“The whole city gives you the impression of impermanence. You have the feeling that one day someone is going to yell, "Cut! Strike it!" and then the stagehands will scurry out and remove the mountains, the movie-star homes, the Hollywood Bowl--everything.”

Giving Whole Feelings Home Funny Stars Cities Cutting One Day Mountain Hollywood Strikes Impression Remove Los Angeles Bowls Movie Star Impermanence

Author:Allan Sherman

“In Hollywood, we have some of the richest unemployed people in the world. They have sun tans. Some of them have chauffeurs in Rolls-Royces waiting outside. They have their golf clubs ready in the car. There is no law that says you cannot play golf while being unemployed.”

People World Play Funny Law Waiting Sun Car Ready Hollywood Golf Clubs California Unemployed Golf Clubs Rolls Royce Chauffeurs

Book:A gift of laughter: the autobiography of Allan Sherman

Source: A gift of laughter: the autobiography of Allan Sherman

“In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the major studios and then figures out where he can fit in a little rain without upsetting Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer too much.”

Littles Funny Too Much Figures Fit Majors Rain Hollywood England Studios Weather Shooting California Upset Schedules Metro Weathermen Mayer

Author:Bob Hope

“I don't bother to look for parking space anymore. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard ... I sell.”

Looks Funny Space Hollywood Sells Bother California Parking Boulevard Parking Space

Author:Bob Hope

“She goes to Frederick's of Hollywood at the mall and purchases an explicit lingerie outfit so sheer that you could read an appliance warranty through it in an unlit closet.”

Funny Hollywood California Sheer Closets Malls Explicit Lingerie Appliances Warranty

Book:Dave Barry Turns Forty

Source: Dave Barry Turns Forty

“Hollywood, we decided, was a nice place to die, but we wouldn't want to live there.”

Want Funny Dies Nice Decided Hollywood California

Book:I KID YOU NOT

Source: I KID YOU NOT

“It was plain to see the Hollywood undertakers take care of everything. If you die you don't have to lift a finger.”

Ifs Care Funny Dies Hollywood Fingers Take Care Lifts California Undertaker

Book:I KID YOU NOT

Source: I KID YOU NOT

“Then there was the time in Hollywood when I sat down in a breakaway chair and it collapsed on me. I was nearly knocked out and might have been even more seriously hurt but my fall was broken by the smog.”

Has Beens Might Funny Fall Hurt Broken Hollywood California Sat Chairs Might Have Been Smog Breakaway

Book:I KID YOU NOT

Source: I KID YOU NOT

“... Variety and the Hollywood Reporter, two publications read more faithfully in Hollywood than the Koran is in Mecca.”

Two Funny Hollywood Variety California Reporters Publication Mecca

Author:Jack Paar

“Things have really changed here in Hollywood. Used to be people in this town couldn't wait to get an envelope full of white powder.”

People Funny Used Waiting White Changed Hollywood Towns Used To Be California Envelopes Powder

Author:Jay Leno

“Do you know anything at all that nobody else knows or, for that matter, gives a damn about? If you do, then sit tight, because one of these days you're going to Hollywood as a technical supervisor on a million dollar movie.”

Ifs Knows Giving Matter Funny Millions Hollywood Dollars These Days California Damn Do You Know Million Dollars Supervisors

Author:S. J. Perelman

“When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That's not fair. That's like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I'm a really good cook, they'd say, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?"”

Ifs Want Writing Hard Humor Funny Fairs Hollywood Scripts Cooks Comedian Farms Not Fair Stand Up Comedian Good Cook

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.”

Enough Humor Funny Beautiful Girl Hollywood Silicon

Author:Adam Ferrara

“Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.”

Humor Funny Party Hollywood Response Pizza Cocaine Gluten Gluten Free

Author:Natasha Leggero

“The average Hollywood film star's ambition is to be admired by an American, courted by an Italian, married to an Englishman and have a French boyfriend.”

Funny Film Stars Ambition Married Hollywood Average Cute Movie Italian Englishmen Boyfriend Film Stars Hollywood Films Hollywood Stars

Author:Katharine Hepburn

“Every country gets the circus it deserves. Spain gets bullfights. Italy the Church. America Hollywood.”

Country Funny America Church Deserve Hollywood Entertainment Spain Circus

Author:Erica Jong

“Where is Hollywood located? Chiefly between the ears. In that part of the American brain lately vacated by God.”

God Funny Brain Hollywood Ears California

Book:how to save your own life

Source: how to save your own life

“Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.”

Funny Comedy Hollywood License Printed Etch A Sketch

Author:Dennis Miller

“Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom.”

Funny Hollywood California Memorable Bathroom

Author:Candice Bergen

“Hollywood's just not funny.”

Funny Hollywood

Author:Chris Rock

“In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.”

Ifs Funny Success Marriage Humorous Hollywood Witty Milk Congratulations Marriage Jokes Drink Milk

Author:Rita Rudner

“Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.”

Enough Funny Death Actors Hollywood Suicide California

Author:Walter Winchell

“You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.”

Heart Stills Enough Humor Funny Three Rooms Hollywood Fruit Seeds Producers Movie Sincerity Navel Fruit Flies

Author:Fred Allen

“Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.”

People Humor Funny Stars Mistake Hollywood Iowa Old Hollywood Hollywood Stars

Author:Fred Allen

“An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.”

Art Humor Funny Guy Comedy Hollywood Entertainment Producers Associates Old Hollywood

Author:Fred Allen

“If my books had been any worse, I should not have been invited to Hollywood, and if they had been any better, I should not have come.”

Ifs Should Has Beens Book Funny Hollywood Invited

Author:Raymond Chandler

“You know what? I never really factor Hollywood into anything. I'm a black actor, so I can't really control what Hollywood thinks. I gotta go do my thing, and my jokes have got to be funny. Whatever I do has got to be great.”

Thinking Knows I Can Funny Actors Black Jokes Hollywood Factors

Author:Jamie Foxx

“Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are afraid they will be.”

People Funny Half Dying Hollywood Other Half

Author:Lionel Barrymore

“Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.”

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Hollywood Quotes