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Missing Quotes

“"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."”

HeartMayFunnyOpinionMissingMy HeartHumorousDown AndTendenciesPulpitPresent TimeWotFlopping
Book:A Tale of Two Cities and Great Expectations (Oprah's Book Club): Two Novels
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“Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to consider which was the right one, Lady Snuphanuph would throw herself back in her chair, and smile with a mingled glance of impatience and pity to Mrs. Colonel Wugsby, at which Mrs. Colonel Wugsby would shrug up her shoulders, and cough, as much as to say she wondered whether he ever would begin.”

IfsFunnyPoorMissingHumorousShouldersPityCardsChairsGlancesImpatienceDaggersColonels
Book:THE GREATEST DICKENS CLASSICS (Illustrated Edition): Oliver Twist, The Pickwick Papers, Great Expectations, A Tale of Two Cities, Hard Times, David Copperfield, A Christmas Carol, Bleak House, Little Dorrit, Our Mutual Friend, The Life of Dickens
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“Then, at the end of every hand, Miss Bolo would inquire with a dismal countenance and reproachful sigh, why Mr. Pickwick had not returned that diamond, or led the club, or roughed the spade, or finessed the heart, or led through the honour, or brought out the ace, or played up to the king, or some such thing; and in reply to all these grave charges, Mr. Pickwick would be wholly unable to plead any justification whatever, having by this time forgotten all about the game.”

HeartEndsHandsWould BeFunnyGamesMissingKingsHumorousForgottenClubsGravesHonourDiamondJustificationSighCountenanceSpadesAces
Book:The posthumous papers of the Pickwick Club
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“Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.”

ShouldLooksLongStatesHomeFunnyDoorsMissingTomorrowHumorousWindowConfusionProbabilityGorgeousNeighbourGrandeurInsistingExpeditionsChariotsMortificationImprobabilityLavinia
Book:Our Mutual Friend: Easyread Edition
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“A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.”

MightFunnyOrderRoomsTakenMissingEssentialsHumorousSurpriseAppearanceRingsPreservesLengthBellsModestPoliteVisitorsCountenanceReceptionHurrying
Book:THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD, MASTER HUMPHREY'S CLOCK, AND SKETCHES BY
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“Both Miss Lavinia and Miss Clarissa had a superstition, however, that he would have declared his passion, if he had not been cut short in his youth (at about sixty) by over-drinking his constitution, and over-doing an attempt to set it right again by swilling Bath water.”

IfsFunnyPassionWaterCuttingMissingYouthHumorousConstitutionDrinkingSuperstitionsSixtyBathsLavinia
Book:Charles Dickens Six Pack: Six Dickens Classics
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“"Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, with some indignation. "Do you mean to say, child, that any human being has gone into a Christian church, and got herself named Peggotty?"”

HumansMeanChildrenChristianFunnyChurchHuman BeingsGoneMissingHumorousIndignationChristian Church
Book:Charles Dickens's works. Charles Dickens ed. [18 vols. of a 21 vol. set. Wanting A child's history of England; Christmas stories; The mystery of Edwin Drood].
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“I saw a lady on TV, she was born without arms. That's sad, but then they said, "Lola does not know the meaning of the word 'can't'." That, to me, is even worse in a way. Not only is she missing arms, but she doesn't understand simple contractions. It's easy, Lola - you just take two words, put them together, take out the middle letters, put in a comma, and you raise it up!”

KnowsWayDoeSaidTwoHumorFunnyTogetherEasyBornSimpleSawsMiddleMissingTvsArmsLettersRaisesThey SaidContractions
Author:Mitch Hedberg
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“I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store, you start to get mad at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Somebody just needs to tell the turkeys, "Man, just be yourselves!" I already like you, little fella. I used to draw you. If you had a couple of fingers missing, you would draw a really messed-up turkey. That turkey was in an accident!”

IfsMenNeedsLittlesHumorFunnyUsedHateMissingLike YouCoupleDrawsI HateMadFingersAccidentsStoresTurkeysGroceriesMessed UpHamGrocery StoresFellasBolognaPastrami
Author:Mitch Hedberg
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“You know when you go into a restaurant, and it gets busy and they start a waiting list, and they start calling out names, "DuFresnes, party of two." They say again, "DuFresnes, party of two." But then if no one answers, they'll just go to the next name, "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the DuFresnes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! And they're hungry! That's a double whammy! "Bush, search party of three!" You can eat once you find the DuFresnes!”

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Author:Mitch Hedberg
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“I think it's great some hotels provide stationery. Because the first thing I like to do when I get to a hotel room is write a letter. "My dearest Gwendolyn, I arrived by nightfall at the Embassy Suites. It will be a fortnight after my return that this letter shall arrive. Allow me to explain the curious charge at the ledger. It is because I miss thee so much, darling, I accidentally ordered Sorrority Sisters 7."”

ThinkingWritingFirstsFunnyRoomsComedyMissingReturnLettersCuriousTheeHotelDarlingHotel RoomsNightfallEmbassyFortnightStationery
Author:Jim Gaffigan
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“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”

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Book:The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Radio Scripts Volume 2: The Tertiary, Quandary and Quintessential Phases
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