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Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck Quotes

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Famous Erma Bombeck Quotes

“I will never understand children. I never pretended to. I meet mothers all the time who make resolutions to themselves. 'I'm going to ... go out of my way to show them I am interested in them and what they do. I am going to understand my children.' These women end up making rag rugs, using blunt scissors.”

WayChildrenEndsShowsMotherMy WayMy ChildrenResolutionRagsBluntScissors
Book:Four of a Kind: A Suburban Field Guide
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“I was a closet pacifier advocate. So were most of my friends. Unknown to our mothers, we owned thirty or forty of those little suckers that were placed strategically around the house so a cry could be silenced in less than thirty seconds. Even though bottles were boiled, rooms disinfected, and germs fought one on one, no one seemed to care where the pacifier had been.”

LittlesCareMotherHouseRoomsCryMy FriendsThirtyFortyBottlesSecondsClosetsSuckerGermsOne On OnePacifiers
Book:Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession
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“I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.”

EnoughKidsSchoolMotherGivenFeltBornToo MuchReadyBabyBirthHusbandShotsWake UpBreatheHipsEnough TimeMy BabyYour HusbandNot Enough Time
Book:The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
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“I'm real ambivalent about [working mothers]. Those of use who have been in the women's movement for a long time know that we've talked a good game of "go out and fulfill your dreams" and "be everything you were meant to be." But by the same token, we want daughters-in-law who are going to stay home and raise our grandchildren.”

KnowsWantLongHas BeensRealUseHomeDreamLawMotherGamesMovementLong TimeDaughterRaisesYour DreamsMeant To BeGrandchildrenIn-lawsTokensWere Meant To BeAmbivalentDaughter In Law
Author:Erma Bombeck
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“Someday, when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother, I'll tell them: I loved you enough to bug you about where you were going, with whom and what time you would get home. ... I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover your friend was a creep. I loved you enough to make you return a Milky Way with a bite out of it to a drugstore and confess, 'I stole this.' ... But most of all I loved you enough to say no when you hated me for it. That was the hardest part of all.”

WayChildrenEnoughHomeMotherReturnLogicSilentHardestHatedMy ChildrenSomedayOver YouBitesBugsCreepsI Loved YouMilky Way
Author:Erma Bombeck
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“When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.”

IfsWantInspirationalMatterMotherAsksAnswersPiecesAdviceMomDaughterMereMy MomMotherhoodGrandmotherMothers DayBeing A MomYour MomBeing A MotherMotheringMother DaughterMother LoveFormalityGreat MotherYes Or NoJust A MomFunny Mothers DayFunny MotherhoodBest MomMother FlowerFunny MotherYoung MotherWonderful Mother
Author:Erma Bombeck
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“I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, "I told you so.”

ThinkingHas BeensSaidFeelingsMotherDifficultMy OwnKnowingVirtuePathOutcomesAbsolutely NothingMotheringMother DaughterI Love My MotherTold You SoCharting
Book:Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession
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“When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.”

ChildrenStatesMotherPresidentUnitedUnited StatesGoneEmptyVicesPassingTeethPassingsUpsetMourningRetirementBottlesWetShowersSpectatorsNestsDrainsVice PresidentTowelsShampooSupervisorsEmpty Nest
Author:Erma Bombeck
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“The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.”

NeedsBelieveChildrenArtMadeMomentsMotherSexDecisionMistakeAnxietyGainsFunctionMotherhoodEngagedMaking MistakesCrucialBad Decision
Book:Four of a Kind: A Suburban Field Guide
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“Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose, but women who have been dealt a hand for life and play each card one at a time the best way they know how. No mother is all good or all bad, all laughing or all serious, all loving or all angry. Ambivalence rushes through their veins.”

KnowsWayYearsHas BeensPlayHandsMotherLaughingKnow HowVirtueSeriousAngryBest WayCardsProseStereotypeVeinsGreetingsNamelessAmbivalenceFacelessGreeting Card
Author:Erma Bombeck
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